tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4357415193462649988.post7454847984352744670..comments2024-03-19T02:42:55.952-06:00Comments on My Own Mind blog / Homeschool Atheist Momma: My Thirteen Tips for Parenting Your Strong-Willed TeenKarenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03309932952235453461noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4357415193462649988.post-28096615866392217732020-04-17T15:31:25.053-05:002020-04-17T15:31:25.053-05:00Know what, if this was a true drug issue with my d...Know what, if this was a true drug issue with my daughter, this would be a different blog post. So, yeah, I agree to a degree.Karenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03309932952235453461noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4357415193462649988.post-90604525035173673702020-04-17T08:12:44.764-05:002020-04-17T08:12:44.764-05:00This sounds like a risky way to respond to drug us...This sounds like a risky way to respond to drug use. I don't think a kid should be banished to their room and I believe in cultivating relationship, understanding and empathy, but consequences like loss of privileges are warranted to show a teen that some things are unacceptable for them. Some things, if learned on their own out in the world, just have natural consequences that are too dangerous. Sometimes, as the adult, we need to take steps to protect our child from themselves. Obviously, there are some things where they can make a big mistake and need to learn on their own from the natural consequences. But drug and alcohol use at the time their judgement center of brain is still developing... doesn't seem worth the risk.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4357415193462649988.post-4273144217155529312018-06-02T18:57:20.470-05:002018-06-02T18:57:20.470-05:00EXACTLY.
Sounds simple, doesn't it?
LOLEXACTLY.<br />Sounds simple, doesn't it? <br />LOL<br />Karenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03309932952235453461noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4357415193462649988.post-71702469297541093012018-06-02T11:22:34.448-05:002018-06-02T11:22:34.448-05:00They get that their teen has a unique personality ... They get that their teen has a unique personality and temperament that needs to be respected, supported and nurtured, even if that means adjusting their own expectations of who they hoped this growing child would become.<br /> <a href="https://www.storknet.com/product-reviews/best-double-stroller/" rel="nofollow">best double stroller</a><br />jhonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08258690520992269231noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4357415193462649988.post-88494778734848331442017-07-25T22:08:21.967-05:002017-07-25T22:08:21.967-05:00Geeez...yeah, add drugs and/or alcohol and you cha...Geeez...yeah, add drugs and/or alcohol and you change the rules, don't you? We adults know exactly how devastating and destructive they can be, especially in kids of this age. <br /><br />Without knowing any other history or anything, if I may be presumptuous, I might make a few suggestions. <br /><br /><br />What we are working on here, is improvement. <br />Your daughter has so much going on in her head...any idea what it is? <br />In the two weeks between her grounding and finding the stolen cell phone, what was going on?<br />She was grounded, in her room, most likely stewing and angry and alone and feeling misunderstood...the last thing she needed at that point was to stew all alone. <br /><br />What does she need? I don’t know...“You time” might be a good start. Empathy, reminding her that your relationship means something to you, you hope it means something to her… That you are on her side. That you want to trust her. That the substance abuse concerns you...did she get the feeling from it that she was looking for? I might shock you here, but if my kid wanted to try it, I would have her try it at home, in a safe place, NOT in secret, openly. Kind of takes the forbidden part way.<br />(I have honestly done this and I believe in it.)<br /><br />She’s 14. That is a very rebellious time. <br />Give her LESS to rebel about. Allowing her to “use” with your knowledge might take the fun of sneaking away. Knowing and allowing it, even to the point of providing or supporting it has made real change in my daughter’s actions… I’m not recommending you do anything you can’t do. I’m a very different person from you. But my thought is that having some pot in my own backyard with me in the kitchen kind of takes the fun away while sneaking it with friends is quite a buzz.<br /><br />“Stripping” her of her rights and freedoms sounds very much the opposite of what this blog recommends, the opposite of my parenting philosophy. Knowing the minds of teenagers, setting yourself up as the other camp...well, it just puts you on opposite sides. <br /><br />Another, possibly shocking possibility, talk to her about what she thinks is the correct reaction would be to her behavior. Sneaking, lying, stealing, using. What would she recommend you do? Can you find a half– or mid-point compromise?<br /><br />I’m not SURE. I’m just offering these thoughts.<br />What do you think, Anonymous?<br />Karen<br />Karenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03309932952235453461noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4357415193462649988.post-71507403537260356822017-07-25T14:47:36.001-05:002017-07-25T14:47:36.001-05:00I am the mother of a strong willed 14 yr old daugh...I am the mother of a strong willed 14 yr old daughter and am looking for some insight, my daughter was recently at a friends house and they stole the mothers whiskey and vodka and got some weed from a friend and preceded to have a little party. I found out the next morning and promptly stripped her of any freedom, and all electronic devices, she does not have a phone and we don't do social media for the children in our home but she was able to text friends. that was 2 weeks ago. Last night I went in to tell her good night and saw a phone peeking out from under the blankets, she took it from her brothers room and was trying to crack the password. I am not sure how to apply your strategies in my situation? Talking with no consequences does not feel right. Any suggestions?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4357415193462649988.post-28470278910298906152016-08-14T23:31:33.570-05:002016-08-14T23:31:33.570-05:00:) What a great kid.
My daughter, too, will tell...:) What a great kid. <br />My daughter, too, will tell me that she appreciates my efforts to much, and that she learns from what might be considered failure. In fact, she recently got herself a tattoo that reads "Fail Better". Karenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03309932952235453461noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4357415193462649988.post-42466084872869242032016-08-14T19:33:05.651-05:002016-08-14T19:33:05.651-05:00This article is amazing....and I want to thank you...This article is amazing....and I want to thank you for writing this. I have followed much of these approaches you listed but due to much trial and error but my husbands authoritative upbringing and even some of the "bad" consequences from some of the choices I have allowed my teenager to make, at times I question my practices. She has told me that every mistake I have allowed her to make has also provided her a life lesson and she values that opportunity to learn it.....while in the same sentence told me although she appreciates my advice has to learn on her own that's just how she is. ����Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14097702096761880183noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4357415193462649988.post-20164112421220757022015-07-22T16:46:26.195-05:002015-07-22T16:46:26.195-05:00As always, you have to decide what is important to...As always, you have to decide what is important to you. Do you want your daughter to respect you and do you think that that respect will come through her time in her room?<br />Then OK.<br />I don't think many kids ever came to parental respect through a good grounding, but I respect your efforts. It can be hard to figure this parenting thing out. Karenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03309932952235453461noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4357415193462649988.post-76322041830587289792015-07-20T17:30:53.134-05:002015-07-20T17:30:53.134-05:00As a parent of a "strong willed" teen gi...As a parent of a "strong willed" teen girl, 15, I will tell you that I agree with MOST of what you are saying, however, when the response back is disrespectful to her mother, this is where I draw the line. Sometimes there MUST be consequences for their disrespectful behavior, like a "grounding" where they can sit in their room and think of the results of their actions.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4357415193462649988.post-73937263370442387032015-07-14T15:37:35.870-05:002015-07-14T15:37:35.870-05:00OH I KNOW!!!!!!!!
I got lots of flack, criticism, ...OH I KNOW!!!!!!!!<br />I got lots of flack, criticism, and people who "knew better than I did", but the PROOF is right here in front of me. :)<br /><br />Remember to trust your own instincts.<br />It has almost never gone well when someone's advice felt wrong to me and I tried it out.<br />Karenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03309932952235453461noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4357415193462649988.post-74057625125764285492015-07-11T11:50:03.293-05:002015-07-11T11:50:03.293-05:00This is wonderful! I can attest from personal exp...This is wonderful! I can attest from personal experience that you are absolutely right.<br /><br />I was a strong-willed teenager of controlling parents. Things did not go well (understatement) When I realized my intelligent yet stubborn daughter was another version of me, I promised myself I'd do things different. I've raised her just as you describe here, and it works! Other parents accuse me of being soft. Then they wonder why my daughter is such a great girl. Hello people, punishment just makes things work.<br /><br />Thank you Karen! I can't wait to share this!<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4357415193462649988.post-62921132812288814702014-07-23T23:26:59.207-05:002014-07-23T23:26:59.207-05:00Great post. I'm particularly guilty of not alw...Great post. I'm particularly guilty of not always modeling mature behavior. Well, I am probably not as bad as I think I am, but one the occasion I lose my cool - not often - but when I do, I always regret it. I think the success to so much of this begins even in the preteen/tween/middle school years. I can see a lot of this translating. We are preparing and equipping for the tweens and we've been reading a great new book I have to share called "MiddleSchool: The Inside Story- What Kids Tell Us, But Don't Tell You," by Cynthia Tobias and Sue Acuna. One of my favorite quotes is "With middle schoolers, your good example will always be noticed, often be followed, and seldom be acknowledged." Your post just reminded me of it. The book has interviews and feedback from middle schoolers, parents and teachers (and a little humor) to help us deal with all the challenges today while deepening and strengthening a positive, loving relationship. I think everyone with a middle schooler or who will have a middle schooler will benefit from it. I would highly recommend it! http://www.tyndale.com/Middle-School-The-Inside-Story/9781589977778#.U8R_Gl4Q7wIAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10837115727187800498noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4357415193462649988.post-21040498325530576962013-03-04T21:33:09.208-06:002013-03-04T21:33:09.208-06:00thank you to Jen, Diana, and Lara.
I would love to...thank you to Jen, Diana, and Lara.<br />I would love to see more parents embrace personality traits of their children, rather than try to change them. That would include shyness, high activity levels, etc.<br />There is a part of me that would find her MUCH easier to deal with if she were more compliant. Of course. <br />But my brain and heart are always in there telling me, "Don't change her. Love her as she is!"<br />I guess one of the main reasons for this that I want my children to have NO guilt/shame over the person that they are. That sort of "parenting" is RIDICULOUS!Karenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03309932952235453461noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4357415193462649988.post-18480027319554464222013-03-04T08:25:08.570-06:002013-03-04T08:25:08.570-06:00My daughters are only 4 and 2, but I agree with Di...My daughters are only 4 and 2, but I agree with Diana that had my mother adopted these principles and parented with respect more than control, our relationship would have been much better. The Doctor is a lucky young woman to have you for a mama! So many of these principles apply to interactions with my preschoolers as well & I'm printing and saving this blog post for 10 years down the road! p.s. Any idea where to find the pattern for the lovely "she will move mountains" embroidery piece?Jennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4357415193462649988.post-53499741896964788742013-02-27T23:05:29.039-06:002013-02-27T23:05:29.039-06:00My daughter is only 7, but I see a lot of things h...My daughter is only 7, but I see a lot of things here that I could put into practice. Especially number 4. Saving Face. I put her in a "learning" position so often and she does hate it. When I remember to explore ideas together it goes much better. So much to ponder here. Thank you for putting so much work into this post!Larissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09586721197750246060noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4357415193462649988.post-72945479141488903812013-02-26T09:29:02.367-06:002013-02-26T09:29:02.367-06:00I can totally relate to this, not as a mom (my son...I can totally relate to this, not as a mom (my son is just 5 years old) but as a former "strong-willed" teen myself. It would have made such a difference in my relationship with my mom if she'd have taken even some elements of your approach here.Diananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4357415193462649988.post-47157208204968721102013-02-25T07:04:06.928-06:002013-02-25T07:04:06.928-06:00Thank you, Lana! I think YOU are awesome!
Thank you, Lana! I think YOU are awesome!<br />Karenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03309932952235453461noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4357415193462649988.post-19736464530441293322013-02-24T13:39:50.647-06:002013-02-24T13:39:50.647-06:00Your AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lanahttp://www.wideopenground.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4357415193462649988.post-52380821576810021202013-02-23T20:58:42.896-06:002013-02-23T20:58:42.896-06:00Thanks so much for sharing, and reminding me that ...Thanks so much for sharing, and reminding me that I'll get better results if I can include my child in the decision making process, even when they're young. My daughter, who is six, is having a terrible time keeping her room clean, and while I understand it is her space, I can't walk in there without being bothered by the clutter. Maybe together we can come up with a way to deal with it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com