MJ and my Shame

I have to confess some things about Michael Jackson. Lots of people online are talking about the movie called Leaving Neverland and for awhile I thought people were talking about the Kate Winslet, Johnny Depp movie called Finding Neverland so I didn't pay much attention to the conversation at all and I didn't understand all of the controversy.
😆

Of course I finally got my head out of the clouds and I've been following the discussions a bit trying to get a better understanding of what is on everyone's mind. I see people angry, some forgiving, some in denial, and others who couldn't care less. Where am I in all of this? At one point I was involved in a short conversation on a friend's board where I admitted something. I'm conflicted.

There should be no conflict.
I should have no mixed feelings about this.
These boys are accusing Michael Jackson of long-time pedophilia, deliberate and typical grooming behaviors, and relationships and vile behaviors with young boys based on sexual abuse. Those boys get my full support and they deserve 100% credibility, though they and MJ are continuously being tried by the public in all of social media. The people seem split 50/50 on this one.

So what is my freaking problem?
Why is my heart so troubled by having to let go of my lifelong love for Michael? I have fought the evidence. I have not wanted to believe it. I have pushed the doubts way back in my mind for many years now. I have tried to save the goodness of those early days of loving the Jacksons and Michael and Jermaine!.

As I've been thinking about writing this blog post, I got to wondering how yesterday's post might be relevant, the blog post on why people believe weird things  because I am admitting that, for years now, I have been willing to ignore the facts and I've given Michael Jackson a pass on all of the evidence because his music has been the soundtrack of my life.

Is it because my intuition was that his sweetness and goodness made such abuse impossible (Intuition)? Is it because I grew up loving him, loving his smile, loving his music, loving him for his troubled past, loving him for the controversies that have always surrounded his oddities of behavior so much so that I thought I knew his heart (Subjective Experiences)? Is it because I have simply overlooked damning evidence and sought out information that acquitted him of any wrong doing (Confirmation Bias and Cherry Picking)? Is it because I simply didn't want to, or couldn't bare to, accept the truth (Denial)? Is it because I gave him miles of latitude in behavior because of his abused past (Underdog Protagonist)?

Yes to each one of these.
Yes.

So now, here I am today, finally acknowledging my own need to accept the truth. I have to give him up for now. Maybe in a hundred years his pedophilia won't still be an issue and fans can enjoy his music again without guilt. But for now, it's over.
I owe it to those boys to make this ethical decision.

I'm curious.
Do you have a similar story?

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