With Apologies to Greta Christina

 

Whenever I can, I love attending atheist conventions. The several that I have attended have been over 2-3 days and have had some really wonderful speakers, events, and vendors. The first atheist convention that my husband and I ever attended was about 2012 or so, I think, at an event called Skepticon.

My husband and I had been chomping at the bit to spend time with others of like mind. We'd watched and listened to other conventions on purchased CDs and DVDs during the naughts with excitement. So we clearly remember the first convention that we were finally able to attend. 

Atheists like myself who now enjoy being open will recognize some of the speakers: Rebecca Watson, David Fitzgerald, Richard Carrier, PZ Myers, JT Eberhardt, Joe Nickell, David Silverman. And Greta Christina. Jerry and I felt amazed! The openness, the goodness, it was like taking a drink after being in a desert. Finally, human beings who were openly discussing issues that are so often glossed over in the world.

Greta Christina is a woman who has written a couple of "atheist books" and who is a regular speaker on the atheist convention circuit. I'm delighted that I've had time to speak with she and her partner over several meals shared at the conventions. (though I seriously doubt she remembers me at all. ) Her book Why Are You Atheists So Angry?: 99 Things That Piss Off the Godless is a book that I've read several times and have, even, plagiarized the idea of here on my blog.

This morning a video of her doing the talk came across my FB feed through two friend of mine, Pam and Scott. Listening to this talk again today brought up some other reasons why I, a totally kind and nice and positive atheist, am pissed off at religion. Strap yourself in.

• Today, a cousin of mine posted THIS DRIVEL; and she means it:

This crap is religious rhetoric that is ACTIVELY keeping us all trapped in our homes for fear of continued outbreaks and infection of this hideous virus. Over THREE HUNDRED days after our general and public knowledge of it!

• Now, speaking as a therapist working with human beings who are wounded, traumatized, pained, and shamed by their varied religious upbringings:
  
  
• SHAME. Good, kind, well-meaning human beings who are, now, living with a sense of being irrevocably wrong or evil or bad, all thanks to the absolute nonsense taught to them with the expressed goal of making them unable to doubt, question, think clearly, leave their parents' religious community.
  
  
• SEXUAL ABUSE. Again, good, kind, well-meaning human beings who are, now, living with a sense of being irrevocably wrong or evil or bad from having been used and abused as children for the sexual gratification of some grotesque adult who was unable to get their sexual needs met in a healthy relationship with a consenting adult. Not to mention the protection that the church has and IS affording the offenders, while shaming, wounding, and not choosing to support the actual victims: the children.
  
  
• SELF DOUBT. Good, kind, well-meaning human beings who are, now, living with a sense of being irrevocably wrong or evil or bad, ADULTS who struggle with those long-ago messages that good exists within this tiny box of what is acceptable, necessary, worthy of love.  ⃞
  
  
• SUICIDAL. Good, kind, decent, well-meaning human beings who are, now, living with a sense of being irrevocably wrong or evil or bad, unworthy of this life because their brain's unlikely ability to break through the brainwashing is allowing for questions, reason, exploration of concepts outside of the box. And the brainwashing tells them that free thought is sinful, unworthy, and not worthy of life.
  
  
• TRAPPED. Good, kind, well-meaning human beings who are, now, living with a sense of being irrevocably wrong or evil or bad if they question or attempt to live outside of the male-dominated, white-dominated lists of what is OK.
  From domestic abuse to racial disparity and white superiority to male-dominated roles in life, these good hearts, in addition to struggling to change life-long behavior patterns, also have to deal with the negative self talk that they've inherited from their parents, their community, their culture, THEIR GOVERNMENT and their religions.

DAILY, I am working with beautiful human beings who are tortured by the brainwashing and upbringing within religions. Grown men and women who sob, cry, scream themselves into exhaustion for the struggle of the hideous, ugly, bullshit brainwashing...


Pissed off?
OH, YOU BET I AM.
Me too, Greta.

 

P.S. Greta, if you're ever here, PLEASE leave a comment!  😉

Atheist Morality

Without a doubt, one of the most common questions I've heard from people when they find that I'm an atheist, it is How can you have morality or morals without the Lord or religion.
Good grief. I've heard it thousands of times and, would you believe, I heard it this week...from a bunch of therapists. 😠

What prevents me from doing mean things?
What keeps me from hurting people?
Or killing  people?
What keeps me from breaking the law?

Good grief, and these people are absolutely serious when they ask these questions...so I'll proceed honestly.

Besides, the answers are easy ones.

First of all, a small matter of semantics. I prefer the term ethics over morality. I have, several times, talked about how I do not accept that religions own words. I do not reject the word morality because it is generally claimed by religions, but, rather, I claim the word ethics because it allows for a study of the world and for personal choices. It allows for the complexity of a range of choices, for explorations, and for corrections. It allows for personal choice.
So, yeah, ethics.

So what prevents me from killing people?
I do the right thing because it feels good. I do the right thing because my brain and my thoughts continually consider events from multiple perspectives. And I do the right thing because it is the right thing. I have, literally, raped and killed exactly as many times as I've wanted to.
Zero, of course.

God morality is black and white. Ethics recognize and appreciate the greys of life. A full respect for cultures and families and situations requires that we explore human behavior carefully. As a psychotherapist, I believe strongly that the need to do right (or ethics) requires us to explore, accept, even love a wide range of human behavior.

Secondly, ever heard of relativism?
Relativism tells us that what is wise, true, and good exist in relation to cultural and historical context and are, therefore, not absolute. Some may think that relativism leads to slippery slopes, but I think it leads to human wisdom, to individual wisdom. 

So, YES, it is not just possible to have morality without a deity, it's more likely.

This subject is very, very, very complex and some people study morality vs. ethics for years. 

This post is just my distilled thoughts on a complex matter. 

Take it for what it's worth.

Your thoughts?

I just stumbled upon this on FB about five minutes ago!

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Things Happen for a Reason

OK, a less facetious answer might be in order.

I have to admit that this particular statement is a pet peeve of mine, so I'll try to keep that issue out of this post. If possible.

If you go out there on the interwebs and search for the phrase Everything Happens for a Reason, you will find thousands and thousands and thousands of bullshit sites (OOPS, there is is)  that offer comfort, wisdom, or woo promises to people that the world, the universe is out there with intention. That there are powers and magic in the universe that know your specific life issues and that have a mapped-out plan for you. Legit.

Genuine adult people can go out there online and get the brilliant wisdom that, not only is your life mapped out, but the universe has such control of your life that you don't have to worry a bit. Nope. People come and go into and out of your life for a reason. Bad things happen for a reason. Crises come along for a reason. We are put through the nightmares of life in order to teach us a lesson. All of the ups and downs happen to us because there is a reason for it. The pain has meaning.

Who can buy this?
Even most Christian and non-Christian reasons hold to the idea of Free Will over predetermination. Most religions and other belief philosophies buy big into personal growth and self-empowerment. How are thinking people supposed to figure out the tangling of thoughts that include this particular trope: everything happens for a reason? This phrase, too, is just an inch away from There are no Coincidences. The truth is, it's all coincidence. Things happen. Weird connections happen sometimes. Nature happens. It seems to me that that this statement would add negativity, confusion, even anger to the mix.

What negativity?
Maybe questions like How is this pain supposed to have a purpose? What sort of purpose can some devastating losses possible have? How can a person accept the purpose that terrible illness or terrible violence can possibly offer? What lesson am I missing from this pain? What sort of power would deliberately add overwhelming and repeating pain and loss to our lives for any possible reason? What sort of power is so malicious or cold that their only means of teaching lessons is by wounding or torturing us with heartbreak, chaos, or grief?

My thoughts is, if you are seeking meaning in your life, comfort from something painful or challenging, looking for growth in your life, looking for closure, looking for personal life lessons, or looking to make sense of your life, I guarantee that you can find a better mantra than Everything Happens for a Reason.

For example, try these:

• I can handle this.
• I'm a warrior!
• Tomorrow is another day.
• Word harder. Work smarter.
• I give myself permission to rest.
• I'm not going to give up!
• Show up for yourself.
• Know who's on your side.
• I am on my own side. 
• Do no harm but take no shit.
• Be the courage you need.
• I am enough.
• I believe in myself.
• I can ask for the help I need.
• One day at a time.
• Just for today...
• Be the change...
• What can I do today?
• Everything I need I have within me.
• A positive mind brings about positivity.
• I am present now, here.
• Feel the fear. Do it anyway.
• I can and I will.
• Be fully yourself.
• Feelings are not facts.
• Find the beauty in today.
• Wake up every day and live it.
• I trust in me.
• Sometimes you need to ride the wave.
• Don't make permanent decisions for temporary feelings.
• Sometimes you need to put yourself first.
• I can only control myself.
• Life doesn't get better by chance, but by choice.
• Try again tomorrow.
• Be bold!

If you find comfort is Everything Happens for a Reason, as some people do, think to yourself, could you, or any third grader, think of a better way for an event to happen? Could you conceive of a better way to learn strength or resilience or self control? Is there any other way to learn self-reliance, bits of wisdom, or how to make time for loved ones? If you can conceive of any kinder, gentler way to learn your lessons, couldn't the wise universe or other power do so too? 

So, if you need a personal mantra, borrow one or more of mine...until you get one of your own.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Skeptical, Not Cynical

Some people think that being skeptical is the same as being cynical. The misunderstanding seems to be that to be skeptical is the same as being scornful or misanthropic or contemptuous. But the truth is, skepticism is nothing at all like that.

For me, being skeptical is completely impartial.
I'm going to need evidence. I'm going to do the research. I have no bias, no prior judgement. No allegiance except to what makes sense and is as clear and is as correct as possible. For me being skeptical means that I require evidence. I am not swayed by emotion, appeals to sympathy, propaganda, or historical tradition. I try to learn about as many things as possible and to form my own opinions on things.
With this strong propensity for skepticism, I would say that I am, in general, about 75% skeptical. 

How about cynical?
When I think of the word cynical, it makes me think of negativity. In fact, maybe paradoxically, cynicism makes me think of a person who does not have the propensity to change their opinions or ways of thinking and who, generally, have a negative view of things. A cynic believes that most people are self-interested and are insincere. It's having a closed mind. Closed to new things.
I would never describe myself that way.


Before having a better understanding of my own nature, I used to think that I was just kind of wishy-washy. Now I understand that my habit of not having an immediate position on things was my of saying I need more information before having or forming an opinion. (Wish I would have realized that sooner...)

Why am I only 75% skeptical?
Because I truly and honestly feel the need to do my own reading, research, and synthesis of information before forming opinions. That means that time limits prevent me from being 100% skeptical simply because there is not enough time to examine every single thing adequately.

So yeah, if you are a first-gen atheist and are exploring yourself and your methods for examining things, consider your own skepticism vs. cynicism ratio. With a little thought, you'll figure out where you stand on the question and how to get where you want to be.

Peace.

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The Secular Therapist Project - #400

If you are a freethinker, a skeptic, an atheist, an agnostic looking for either a therapist, mental health services, or a recovery program for yourself, have you been thoroughly discouraged by the absence of similarly-minded people in these roles? Back in the day, when I was in therapy hot and heavy, I was ALWAYS discouraged and annoyed that therapists were almost all exclusively Christian or almost all unable to keep their religion out of the therapeutic session.

With the caveat that I was almost 100% happy with my therapy those years ago, the religion thing was an ongoing issue. Some of the people who I saw were unable to keep the religion and woo out of the session and I just, often, gave up on those therapists and went looking for someone else... Even those who, when questioned, would say that they were capable of doing secular sessions with me, could simply not keep up that part of the original bargain. Some people even brought in their New Agey woo, in spite of my specific requirements that all of this woo remain outside of the relationship.

Some of these people honestly can't help themselves and have no idea of how to help people without their magical ideas. It's incredibly discouraging. Especially since the vast majority of people in the mental health field bring their religiosity to their work when, I believe, clients would benefit from evidence-based practice one hundred percent of the time.

Because of my frustrating experiences from Back in the Day, I'm sharing here, with you, the Secular Therapist Project (STP), a sub project of the Recovering From Religion  (RFR) people. The project started in about 2012 when the founder of STP, Dr. Darryl Ray started realizing the problem in the mental health world.  Not only do secular, Humanist, atheist therapist EXIST, they are often concerned about advertising themselves in these categories because of their fears of not getting referrals from churches and other religiously-based agencies that frequently make referrals to professionals. So it's hard to find them, us.

Dr. Ray started and grew the STP and has passed it on to the current director of the project, Dr. Caleb Lack.

I've been in contact with Dr. Lack a few times this year as I went through the process of getting myself registered on the site as a clinician. I'm proud to be the 400th professional added to the list.

So, if YOU are looking for mental health services that are totally WOO-FREE, check out The Secular Therapy Project! It's there to connect you with a mental health professional in your area who has been vetted and who is 100% on your team.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Atheist and Secular Therapy

Have you ever gone to see a counselor or therapist and found that you could not stomach the religion or religious-slant of the therapy and that the therapist couldn't keep their religion to themselves? And how about the clinicians that, somehow, manage to inject their New Age woo into a session... 
It's happened to me, for sure.

For many years, and still today, it is not safe or business-wise for secular or atheist professionals to out themselves as atheists because many people who refer clients are in religious-based social or community organizations and these people are highly unlikely to refer a client to a Humanist or an atheist professional. So, sadly, people looking for religion-free help are on their own. And it is a real crap shoot.

Well, MANY THANKS to Dr. Darryl Ray for starting up the Secular Therapy Project! As the founder and project leader of Secular Therapy Project, Dr. Ray went live with the Secular Therapy Project in 2012, a project designed to help clients and therapists find each other and, hopefully, to help these clients to engage in productive, life-enhancing work.
Now doesn't that sound nice?

You can support this project in three important ways:

1. Tell any secular therapist to register with us.
2. Tell people in the secular groups you attend about the Secular Therapy Project, blog about it or write on Facebook or Twitter about it so that people in need of these services will know where to go.
3. Donate any amount to help them maintain and grow.

Anybody who frequents the atheist conventions have seen Dr. Ray or have even heard him speak. I, myself, have spent some quality time with him at conventions in the past. I promised myself that when I was finally able to get back into the practicing field I would promote this project as much as I could. Now that I'm employed and practicing again, this is just my first mention!  
😉

Contact the Secular Therapy Project Here.

Atheist Pride Day and Week

My Religion
is Kindness

In past years I have noticed on Facebook events called National Ask an Atheist Day, Atheist Pride  Day, Atheist Day, and Atheist Week. I decided to check out the 2019 dates for these events and I was met with nothing but confusion because, whoever creates these days, there are a number of conflicting dates.

To solve this one, I've decided to simply make the entire year of 2019 the Year of Atheist Pride!  😅
Join me if you like!

I made the clip art above for Atheist Day one year and I love it for its simplicity and beauty, so I'm going to keep using it. I will be posting it along the side of my blog for the rest of the year AND I will be using it on my FB profile anytime I'm not posting gorgeous pics of my granddaughters!  😅

I'm posting it here to invite you to copy and use it as much as you like! It states, My Religion is Kindness and it is exactly where I am in life! If you are here too, please join me in using this little meme.

Here are the various dates that I discovered in the two seconds I looked for dates. You can see why I just decided to use the entire year for PRIDE for being a logical, reasonable, free thinker.

• National Ask an Atheist Day 201, Thursday, April 18, 2019
• Atheist Pride Day 2019 observed on Wednesday, March 20th and on Thursday, June 6th, 2019
• Atheist Day 2019 is on Monday, April 1, 2019
• Atheist Pride Day 2019 is observed on Wednesday, June 6, 2019

😄

Whenever it really is, I always enjoy National Ask an Atheist day on Facebook because I get asked the loveliest questions!  💜💙

If you know correct dates, 

please advise me.

☺️

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Behind the Curve: What Can We Do?

In a past post I was exploring some of the hype behind a movie called Behind the Curve, a film that looks at Flat Earthers and I got to wondering why people believe weird things. This question is on many of our minds and Michael Shermer, of course, offered his book called Why People Believe Weird Things, I book I highly recommend!

My next question after the whys  is the whats.  Specifically what can we do, as people who know or love these people who chose to believe weird things. If anything. Since this is a blog and not a scholarly journal, of course, my writing is just exploratory...


I think that some skeptics often wonder how can I help this person lose their illogic or dogma?  In response to this question, I honestly don't think there are any magic words or magical interventions.

My son was on campus last semester when he came upon a group of Right to Lifers speaking to a gathered group of students. John attempted some debate, with some success. But he came home that day with high energy and very motivated to be able to debate believers in a situation like that. So he spend weeks reading and informing himself and figuring out what he would do or say if given the same opportunity.

Last week, on campus again, that opportunity arose.
He stood for nearly an hour in conversation with the Right to Lifers, addressing their claims, bringing in his research, pointing out many of their erroneous bits of information, and generally holding his own with intellect, wit, and confidence. He even pulled out his phone several times to Google claims that were being made, finding factual evidence in response to those erroneous claims being made. As he left the event, he was stopped by several people who told him "I thought I was a Right to Lifer, but I now see that I have some learning to do." And "Thank you for remaining calm." And "Thank you for having the courage to stand up there, pull out your phone, and look for information right in front of the crowd."

And THAT is what we can do.
We can inform ourselves and offer our sincere, patient, and calm-voiced counterpoints. We can openly research the claims. We can offer our evidence quietly and calmly. And we can know that those around us are watching. We can focus less on the primary debater and more on the circle of listeners.

We may never effect change in the people on the podium, but we can and will effect the people who are listening. If the believers who have the solid floor and are never openly debated, the crowd begins to quietly accept their outrageous, poorly-informed point of view. The majority wins again.

Our voices are essential.
In every way, every day, I will stand up there and be openly skeptical. Because, for some, I am the only face of atheism, skepticism, or freethought that they know. I cannot count the number of times someone has said to me "But you are so nice!" and I will reply, YES, I am, I wonder which other of your assumptions are incorrect..? I also have many examples of believers in positions of power in various churches who have said to me, You make sense and you've got me thinking. That's about all I can ask for.

Further, there is a mindset we can hold. We can be aware that the fringes of belief call to some people because those fringe communities beacon them welcomingly. If I can be welcoming, if I can offer a place where a person can verbalize their beliefs, maybe, just maybe, my welcoming and patience can show them that there are other welcoming ports in the vast exchange of ideas. If our shaming of their beliefs pushes them away, how can we be surprised at their departure from reason?

Holding on to illogical beliefs, weird ideas, philosophies that make little or no sense happens for a reason. These people are getting some emotional need met by their belief. What is it? Maybe explore that a bit.

No shaming.
No angry debating.
No shouting.
No name calling.
No shows of supremacy.

Just a welcome port for an honest exploration of ideas.
Let's explore ideas together. What, then, will we find?

Join me in this new way of peacefully representing reason, logic, skepticism. Because I, too, am tired of the bloviating bullshit and buster of nonbelievers.

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Flat Earth: Behind the Curve: Members Around the Globe

I'm not sure where I saw it first or what it was that got me interested enough to watch it, but I did it. I watched the movie about the people claiming that Earth is flat. Behind the Curve is the name of the movie, now available on Netflix. So go watch it and chill.

So, what are the claims?
According to the Flat Earthers, the earth is a flatish disc that is a plain covered with a dome like a terrarium. The Flat Earthers claim that the entire story that Earth is spherical is a huge conspiracy perpetrated on We, the people, for some reason. I can't say that I know what that reason is. What is to gain from such a conspiracy? I have no idea. But the spherical earth, according to the main spokesperson in the movie, noted Flat Earther Mark Sargent, is like a sound stage, like The Truman Show, like a Hollywood set to confuse us.

Why we are being duped into believing in a spherical earth? 

I don't know, exactly, I don't think the WHY was explored on the film, but I could have missed it. The parties who are tricking us, though, according to Sargent and some of his compatriots may be the Jews, the Masons, Satanists, the Vatican, NASA, the CIA, or some other conspiracy group like that. Wink.

Is it true? Are there, truly, a growing number of Flat Earthers, a claim we often hear? The idea of a growing number of people rejecting science concerns me and, frankly, sounds like the beginning of some post-apocalyptic novels I have read. More importantly, why am I giving this film and these claims any air time at all? Why not ignore it? Especially when the Flat Earthers in the film carried out several experiments that they hoped would show the flatness of our earth, that they hoped would prove that we have all been fooled. Of course, those experiments unequivocally did not support their claims. 
Isn't that enough?

Sadly, it is not enough. Flat Earthers, conspiracy theorists of many kinds, and people who make supernatural claims are not convinced by facts or evidence. Isn't that interesting? Yet it also creates a unique problem: how can we engage with one of these people, address their claims, and bring them into the light of reason? How can we address the claim that our entire educational system and scientific community is out to perpetrate this huge hoax when a simple trip to the edge of the Earth would end the controversy? How can we move these people beyond their anti-science bent?

The truth is, we can't.

People believe strange things for a reason. They maintain their illogical beliefs through a series of specific mind tricks, denial, and sheer will. For many Flat Earthers and others, it is a decision to eschew scientific knowledge. Maybe this rejection of science is based on fear. Maybe it's based on the feeling that they can't understand advanced science. Maybe it's based on a need to sit outside of the circle. Maybe they are simply responding to the negativity they feel around them by moving closer to the fringe.

I think it's worth it to take a moment to understand why these people are willing to go out on this precarious limb, why they are willing and able to own the bizarre claims, and why their minds are not effected by evidence or reason. I think that Flat Earthers, various conspiracy theorists, and most people who hold supernatural world views make a choice in some moment to reject science. But why? And why do I think it's worth looking at the whys? Because every single person who embraces these claims is another person who could have been a scientist. Every one of these people is another person who could positively contribute to the planet, yet they do not.


Interestingly, the film itself is not a movie about Flat Earthers. Instead it is something better! It is about the WHY of Flat Earthers, about trying to understand why these people hold on to these misguided beliefs in the face of convincing and compelling evidence. I'm disappointed with myself for not getting the name and credentials of the mental health professional who appears in the movie and explains why people believe weird things. He was awesome and respectful and he explained the whys quite well. If I get back to the movie, I'll put his name HERE.

Here is a quick summary of the points he made through the film.

Intuition: These people tend to listen to their intuition over scientific, esoteric data. They can look long distances on Earth from high vantage points and not see a curvature of the planet, including when in an airplane at high altitudes.

Subjective Experiences: They are more likely to give more weight to their own experiences and senses than to scientific claims that are not obvious to their senses, including gravity, night and day, seasons, etc.

Dunning-Kruger Effect: According to Wikipedia, the DKE is a cognitive bias in which people of low ability have illusory superiority and mistakenly assess their cognitive ability as greater than it is. (Now that you know this one, you're going to use it to explain alot more in the world, aren't you?)

Cult of Personality: People who join or support cult-like groups are often chasing the energy of a charismatic leader of sorts. I can't say that Mark Sargent is charismatic, but some of the other people appearing in Behind the Curve might be people who engender this type of follower.

Confirmation Bias: We skeptics understand this one, how people who believe in magic ignore the evidence and grasp onto anything that vaguely supports their claims, how they search for evidence that supports their belief. People display this bias when they gather or remember information selectively, or when they interpret it in a biased way. The effect is stronger for emotionally charged issues and for deeply entrenched beliefs.

Cherry Picking: Another bias where the believer seeks to confirm a particular position while ignoring a significant portion of related cases or data that may contradict that position.

All of these usual cognitive biases as well as issues like wanting to believe in a complicated/esoteric/mystical/ or magical idea, distrust of authority, being isolated and misinformed, the oddly welcoming community of the fringe, identification with the underdog protagonist, the propensity to feel special from being the center of existence, wanting to be unique, are all qualities that can strongly attract a certain type of person, a person who is not interested in science, logic. or reason.

Does this make sense?
GOOD, because the next step, now that we understand the attraction of the magic or woo, is to figure out how to engage these people...

Coming up, next.

Did you see the film?
What did you think?

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Dear Fricking Abby

I was at Panera Bread Co. today for a nice iced tea, minding my own business, enjoying the view, reading the Lifestyle section of the paper. My favorite. I love the comics and the word games. I laugh at the astrology. I do the crosswords in my mind. I read the advice columns.

Generally I find that Dear Abby gives incredibly bad advice: off of the mark, annoying. Today she grated.

Here's her little bit of advice from today's column that has me grinding my gears this late at night:

Dear Abby

Religionless Gathering, a man or woman engaged to be married, asked fricking Dear Abby what to do about prayer at their reception. See, Religionless Gathering is an atheist, as is their partner, and they do not wish to have prayer said over the meal at their small, informal wedding reception, in spite of most of their families being religious. Religionless is thoughtfully asking Abby if it would be rude to ask that prayers be addressed ahead of time, simply requesting that attendees say their own prayers silently.

And Abby? Dear Abby?
She replies that, YES, it WOULD be rude. So pull up your adult-sized wedding undies, Abby suggests, focus on the upcoming honeymoon, wink wink, and relax about the prayer.

WHAT IS THE HARM? 
Right?
That is the question.

SUCK IT UP.
Right?
That is the suggestion.

Well, guess what, those days of privileged are OVER.
Dear Abby needs to write to someone for advice on how to be fricking real. She needs to go to some outside source to figure out how to be respectful. She needs to step outside of her comfort zone and learn how to move through the world without thinking that she is so privileged and RIGHT that anyone else needs to step into line with her.

Yeah, she's wrong here.
Never again will I ever sit still while others hijack an event with their religious dogma, forcing everyone else to sit through their bizarre rituals, celebrations, or ceremonial bullshit. Never again will I (or YOU, I hope) go to an authority figure looking for support and kindness and let myself be treated like a whimpering, simpering child with no rights.

I am absolutely certain that the OP has grinned and born it hundreds, thousands of times. In fact, unless they stop looking for outside validation, they will continue to grin and bear it, push their own wishes down, and SUCK IT UP. My advice, Religionless Gathering, it's time to move forward into your maturity: out yourself. Stand tall and hold your head up with pride for being dogma-free!

Yeah, I'm thinking we need another advice columnist out there, and I want it to be ME!

 What do you think?.
 NO, SERIOUSLY, What do you think?.

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There But For the Grace...

I see those people saying God PUT the fossils in the rock layers to TEST us and I think, that could have been me...because it used to be me!

I spent so much of my life believing that Good People believe. Good People are Christians. And I so wanted to be a Good Person. For many years of my life, deep down in an unverbalized part of me, I wanted to be seriously GOOD, yet I didn't quite know how to do that. I felt like a bit of a orphan, in a way, like a lost person in need of rescue.

If you notice, I'm capitalizing the word good because, at the time, in my mind, it was this nebulous OTHER, this goal that I had, without guidelines or understanding of it. Even if that sounds like of weird to you, believe me, as sad as it sounds to me now, it was a real desire of mine.

I was ripe for religion. 
I was very open to someone telling me what was Good, what was important to be Good. I looked outside of myself for some kind of esoteric knowledge, wisdom, or something that would make it obvious to myself and others that I was Good. I was vulnerable to some authority to come along and to tell me the exact thing that would make me Good. And while I was heavily into the church, I was certain that I was on to something with this journey of mine.

I bought in to it hook, line, and non-Freethinking sinker.
I taught Sunday School. I did Bible study. I worked at the parish picnics. I supported the mission work that people were going on. I believed in prayer. I was doing all of the things that the Good People were doing...

I was really and truly convinced.

Today, I could STILL be this person!
I'm so grateful for my innate need to Learn More because that is the only way I found my way out. It was an unwilling path I walked at first, the pathway to atheism. My brainwashing was excellent and I am surprised, today, that I am not this same Good Girl, imprisoned in apologetics and rhetoric.

  Can You Relate?.

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