Khan Academy Math: Not Shaming + INCLUSION = PROMOTION?

If you are a homeschooling parent, chances are you are quite familiar with Khan Academy website. If you're not familiar with it, make sure you check it out; it is an invaluable resource!

Khan Academy is a website started in 2008 by Salman Khan, a former hedge fund analyst, who began tutoring his cousin online. After awhile, other of Khan's relative's children began using his tutoring videos with their own children. Before long, his videos took off! And I mean through the roof! Through a combination of relatable lectures and SmoothDraw, Khan brought clarity to complex math ideas.

Before long, maybe a year!, Salman Khan quit his full time job to focus on creating and building Khan Academy School, a website with thousands of videos of discrete concepts and ideas for teachers, classes, and students. All of his work is completely free to users of the website. 

We used Khan Academy during our homeschooling years for higher math concepts that I was completely unable to understand, much less convey with any clarity to the kids. My kids became self-learners, in part, because of Khan Academy. I send my sincerest and heart-felt appreciation to Salman Khan.

 

KHAN DO!

Anyway, the reason for bringing up The Khan Academy is this. My friend Janeen brought a Christian website to my attention, specifically an article criticizing Khan Academy for promoting the LGBT agenda. The purpose of the article was to discourage Christian parents from using the Khan Academy because of its Leftist agenda, based on those who fund KA. The so-called evidence of this claim is coming through in the material presented as exercise problems. Take this example given in the OP:

The lesson is on "Irregular Plural Nouns: from 'f' to 'ves.'" The unsuspecting student is told to "Choose the correct plural noun to use in this sentence":

'Brittany and Sofia went to lunch with their _____ every Saturday.'"

Khan Academy's "correct" answer reveals the gay agenda behind the English "problem":

The only choices are "wifes" or "wives."

GASP, the gay agenda (as Janeen texted to me)!
Because INCLUDING is PROMOTING.  😠

And my educated and intellectual opinion is this: 
Those bitching about this can fuck right off.

On the other hand, I strenuously endorse Khan Academy as a source of inclusive, well-executed personal learning opportunities that are absolutely FREE and much of the material is available on YouTube. Subject matter on KA ranges from beginner to extremely advanced math to science to computing to arts and humanities to history or econ to test taking to career exploration to support resources for parents and teachers.

Khan Academy is truly an AMAZING resource that, sometimes, I think we don't deserve!  LOL
Salman Khan, many thanks to your dedication to the spread of accessible resources for all! Khan has also given us some wonderful TEDtalks and other resources on YouTube, please check it out!

No, REALLY, What Do You Think?

.........................................
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Strategies for Your Homeschool
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Teaching Things I Don't Know

Homechooling Parents: Do You Know What I Loved About School?

atheist homeschool atheist homeschool atheist homeschool atheist homeschool atheist homeschool atheist homeschool atheist homeschool atheist homeschool 

I went to public school K-12. I'm not even sure if people had ever heard about homeschooling back in those days. Actually, I do know that people homeschooled. It was a thing that people did when their kids couldn't make it in school because of behavioral issues or developmental issues. That was all I knew of homeschooling back back back in the darkness of the stone age.

All I knew as a kid was public school, and I loved it.

• I loved the art classes. Trying out different types of art projects from clay to fiber to ink and more. I doubt the art teachers back in the day got much acknowledgement, but now I appreciate them.

• I also loved Pizza Fridays in the cafeteria. Why, I have no idea. The pizza was terrible and I generally went home for lunch every single day...for pizza.

• I nearly always liked my teachers. I had the kind of teachers who truly seemed to care about each of us personally. There were a few exceptions, but for the most part I had very caring teachers all through school. 

• I liked feeling smart in my classes. I was always in the advanced classes and I knew it. I knew when I was the best or the smartest or the fastest reader... It was a real self-esteem boost.

• I liked holding a nickle in my hand to buy a new pencil in the second grade. It was a fat, red pencil with thick, soft graphite and no eraser. I loved those pencils.

• I liked it in the sixth grade when my advanced class finished the grade school curriculum and our sixth grade teacher, Mrs. Stork, designed a very creative year's worth of activities for us.

• I liked that little pencil tray inside of the desk that held pencils, erasers, and mini pencil sharpeners.

See, although I loved school back in the day I really didn't have anything to compare it to. If I had known about homeschooling as it exists today I think I would have made the perfect candidate to be homeschooled. What would it have been like if someone had noticed how little I was getting from school, how completely disconnected I was? What would it have been like if someone (but who?) would have taken me in hand, would have recognized my ability to learn independently, and would have taken an interest in me and who would have empowered my studies. What would it have been like if I could have had some of that child-led learning stuff and freedom to follow my own interests? I had so many interests!

I had no friends in school, truly. I truly didn't. I had little connection to the materials we covered in class. I seldom felt actually seen. In fact, I remember some specific moments when I actually thought I was invisible. I felt like flotsam. There were about half a dozen bullies in my class, K-12. I remember thinking our class material was pointless and, even worse, I don't remember ever understanding why we were learning what we were learning; I guess I had little context. I never seemed to understand what was going on. I never ever understood the socialization of kids around me. 

I hope schooling is better for kids these days, though I think that the problems have just changed. Public school...it's just not for everybody.

Dear ME: Being the Mom

homeschool atheist momma, parenting, how to homeschool

Dear Me, Dear Sweet, Well-Meaning Me:
You've done it. You have committed your beloved family to a lifestyle of homeschooling.  Are you sure you have read EVERY SINGLE BOOK on homeschooling out there?  Have you stayed up night after night reading every word on the world wide web that has ever been written by a homeschooling parent, looking for the magic bullets?  Have you sweated through the Rainbow Resources book and every other homeschool material compendium out there?   

OK, now forget all of it.   

Your homeschool experience will not only be entirely unique, it will change dramatically over time.  Many times.

Those "how to" books can be encouraging (though most are only anxiety-producing) but they can't, in reality, tell you HOW TO.  Those secrets will come to you by trial and error...and success.  Those paths you take will be completely road-less-traveled stuff.  You will talk to everyone, read everything, buy every book.  In the end, you will toss most of it out and listen to the kids, you will listen to your own intuition, and you will, finally, trust the process.

Lizzie, Now and Then

Trust me, no one else has the answers for you.  

There is no right way.  There are no silver bullets.  

No set of "musts" will help you.  

Somehow, through your fears and anxiety, the right things will happen.  

In spite of doubt and tears, your family will flourish whether you are book-heavy or free-and-easy. 

Living life provides.

 

For your first year as a homeschooling parent, that last paragraph will paralyze you at times.  Sometime during your second year, you will realize that it is happening.  That thing that was promised.  You will be homeschooling with complete freedom and you are CAPABLE and competent.  You won't need anyone to tell you what to do.  You will realize that homeschooling is happening!  And then you will LOVE that last paragraph. 

Without sitting and learning each little phonic, your son will learn to read in his own time.  Without forcing your daughter to write, she will create masterpieces.  Without sweating over each practice problem and every lesson in the Saxon book, both of your children will understand math far better than you ever did.  Without creating stress and tears and endless boredom, the kids will become amazingly educated people who are able to delve deeply into subjects and come up wiser and better educated than any spoon feeding ever did.  No tests.  No drills.  No practice problems. 

John John, Then and Now

Which curriculum?  Relax.  Materials matter less than relationships and time and passion. Stuff to learn is everywhere!  Great writing, nature, film, life events, community activity, travel, and all matter of experience will far surpass the benefits or shortcomings of any curriculum you will ever purchase.  

So spend less time polling everyone you know, incessantly reading book reviews, and organizing lesson plans.  And spend more time with the kids with questions and answers and friends and conversations and long drives and debates and play and experiences and participating and downtime.

Before you are able to blink your eyes twice, the days of potato prints, blow paint, and glitter will be over.  Suddenly you will realize they are no longer interested in circle time or play dates or creating castles on the front porch. So enjoy each day, and keep learning! 

With Utter Confidence in Me,  ME

 

* This post is a reprint from some time from 2012...because I love it.

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Dear Doctor Who
Why Are Homeschooled Kids So Annoying?
I'm so glad I rediscovered this last post because I've been thinking about writing another one exactly like it.   :(
 

Teaching Things that I Don't Know

Question from a HAMB reader, Samantha:               
Dear Karen, I am interested. Have you ever run into a subject homeschooling that you couldn't get through? If so how did you handle it? Outside sources? Called in a tutor?
I find homeschooling so fascinating and real. Much more real than any public school education.

Dear Samantha:

Thanks so much for the question. Many people have asked me this question and I have been meaning to write a bit about it from the perspective of a homeschooling mother who is crap at math.

It is a common question because we all have our aptitudes, adults as well as children, and these aptitudes are fairly chiseled in stone. No matter how hard I have worked at it, I am STILL crap at math. Regardless of the effort I have put into understanding letters and numbers together, it is still a mystery to me. I have been taught and tutored and tortured in advanced math and I DO. NOT. GET. IT.

So how do my children learn it?  We learn it together. At this moment we are working on Geometry 1 together and we did Algebra 1 last year. I have two textbooks and we work through the material together. Sometimes I get it first, but mostly they get it first and teach it to me. We have been known to use Khan Academy at times when we needed extra help in Geometry or in Algebra. We also have other people in our lives who are complete math whizzes (my husband and my stepdaughter). The nice thing for me is that my kids both have math aptitude.

But what if there was something else that someone wanted/needed to learn, something that I don't know?  (Honestly there are thousands of things like this!)

This is where it comes in handy to think about how I define homeschooling. I do not see my job as spoon feeding information to my children. Rather, I see my job as helping them to figure things out for themselves, as helping them to figure out how to get the information for themselves, and as learning to love the process of gaining knowledge. They have learned many many things on their own, completely without my involvement. And so have all children!

• The trick is simply to learn it together. During those early years most of the material that children learn is familiar with most adults. High school is the time when parents begin to freak out about now knowing everything. But why should we know everything???? If my child is taking a psychology course or a biology course, THEY are responsible for the reading and the work, not I. Presently my daughter is reading through a literature book. I haven't read every story in the book, but I still discuss the stories with her by expecting her to do the work herself.  
• Second, the internet is a fantastic source of information on just about any subject you can come up with.
• And third, tutor, classes, mentoring, ANY RESOURCE is fair game! I know many homeschool families who have created very unique learning opportunities for their children because their child wanted to learn something that the parent couldn't teach. Get creative!
  And a neat bonus to this, I have seen the kids themselves seek out unique learning opportunities for themselves!
  

Reading and research becomes a second nature skill for homeschoolers because of our autonomy in the world. And I must say, these skills are fantastic for the student intent on going on to college!

  HELLO to my readers in Pakistan and Peru!

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If you enjoyed this post you may also like: 
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How Do I Homeschool? 
Getting it Right

Homeschooling Strategies

Disastersville

Do you need a homeschool strategy?
What is a strategy anyway?

On Wikipedia, according to A Greek-English Lexicon, a strategy is a high level plan to achieve one or more goals under conditions of uncertainty. Strategy is important because the resources available to achieve these goals are usually limited.

Does your homeschool need a strategy?
From the definition, it seems to me that a strategy becomes necessary when a parent is feeling uncertain. And I agree.
Choosing any unconventional or non-traditional path brings with it periods of doubt and uncertainty, including homeschooling. Most of us feel quite convinced that homeschooling is the wise choice, while still having to deal with periods of doubt. We may be convinced of the basis rightness of our lifestyle choice while still having a nagging fear that something is not quite right.

Where is that initial relief that you felt when you finally took the plunge? Where is the confidence that surged inside as you hit the road in the beginning? Where is the enthusiasm? Relief, confidence, enthusiasm: are you missing them? 

You may not be down right giddy anymore, and maybe that is unrealistic, but where are those sparks of brilliance?

Elizabeth "going Goth"

I've been there!

I am here to admit that this homeschool thing is a real challenge. The house is a disaster. There are tears. No one is interested in reading the shiny new books. It is a struggle to get through the clever banter. You have gotten into the car and slammed the door just for the silence.

There are no fancy strategies. Just one reminder:  

You are homeschooling, not schooling at home.

We're Playing, Mom!

Get out of the chair. Open the door. Go outside.

The material in those books is secondary to the desire to LEARN.

Recently my daughter was doing something amazing.
In an outward sign of all of our frustration, she decided to paint her face and eyes black, wear all black clothing, and "go Goth".  It was interesting, in retrospect, how she was reflecting all of our feelings.
We got into the car and went to the beach.
At first no one was interested. They were dragging their feet, moaning, unwilling to play, letting me know how stupid the idea of the beach was.  (couldn't you just laugh at their reaction to the beach?!  lol)

But as time wore on, we watched small children doing cute things, we were attacked by a bird, the breeze continued to blow in, and we began to feel the beach. They took off their shoes and started dragging their toes in the sand. And then, despite themselves, they took off down the beach and started running, hair blowing, laughter reaching me, smiles in spite of themselves, bare feet sinking in to sand, stretches of beach ahead, brilliant blue skies, puffy white clouds blowing the kites, water up to their ankles...

We stayed all afternoon and took another several days off to play other places, including board games at home and at the home of friends.

When we got back to work, we were ready. We have never read books cover to cover unless we absolutely want to. When a thing is a drag, we just get the main idea and move on. If I can find a nonfiction book instead of a text book, we use that. And if we begin a thing and it is awful, we don't stick with it very long... The idea is to find the things that bring on love of learning. So, if you are in a place where it all sucks, look for a single thing that is interesting and do more of THAT.

Yesterday we decided to do Zentangles. John thought it was ridiculous, but by the time he had finished his work, he was smiling and laughing and had enjoyed himself. Today I have seen markers in his hand again...

Special GREETINGS to my readers in Ireland and in the UK!

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Shooshy: Raising My Daughter

Being Mother to my daughter has changed me so much and I have learned so much! Seriously!  Stuff I had no idea I needed to know...

When the kids were smaller, nearly all of my friends had children their ages. In fact a huge percentage of my friends had kids the same age and gender of my own kids. Older daughter, son three and a half years younger. And almost without fail, the mothers of the daughters were struggling with their daughters. We were all in such a similar boat.
And we were confused.

Yes, her name is Elizabeth.
My nickname for her is Shooshy.

I don't mind admitting it now:  we would all get together and talk about how weird it was that our younger sons were so easy and our older daughters were so hard. We would share our frustrations with that frisson that we all seemed to experience with our older daughters:  fireworks just below the surface, a difficulty with feeling really close to them at times, and a confusion with why we felt that way. Back then it seemed uncanny how similar the dynamics of our families were. Now I know that our dynamics were all totally normal. I mean, is it really surprising that strong women would have strong daughters?!

My daughter is apologetically herself. And no wonder that freaked me out, I was such a sweet girl when I was younger. And I don't mean that in a good way. I mean that in a wishy-washy kind of way. In the way where people took advantage of me, walked around me, ignored me... And that simply will not happen to my daughter; she wouldn't allow it! Add to that the fact that I was essentially motherless for all of my teen years and it might explain why I am sometimes confused as to what to do with her, with how best to parent her.

I Can Do This

Being her mother has taught me to appreciate the determination of a child who will not do what she does not want to do. It has taught me that anger and rudeness are sometimes hiding a confused and hurt person. It has taught me that a mother's loving touch is a truly healing thing. It has reinforced what I already know:  learning to use one's words is a journey toward good emotional health and a sense of personal power. I now know that one action can have an equal and surprising reaction. I can never give her too many kind words or too much love or too many positive messages. She struggles enough inside that she can often use help finding her way out of an internal morass of her own making. 

I now know that it is a truly loving thing to set limits and to enforce them - because she told me! I now know that remembering to apologize for the times when I jump to conclusions or when I make other mistakes deeply strengthens her. All of the "professionals" out there telling me to avoid being her friend were very very wrong. In fact, all of the rules of the so-called experts out there do not trump my own instinct. Our relationship takes deliberate work. Being her parent has taught me that when she yells "I hate this family" she needs tender loving care and not a reactive display of hurt or anger.

I have learned that I have reserves of patience that even surprise me sometimes! I have learned that she is still surprised to tears when she finds out that I truly like her. I have learned that second-hand shops have both the best and the worst clothing. I've learned that both of my kids will still stop almost any other activity to sit on the bed and talk. I have learned that those very moments that I want to send her to her room are the very moments I have to stick it out and help her through the feelings, because the last thing she needs at that point is to stew in her own tangles.

She Always Means Well

I have learned that I can trust her completely to tell me the truth because I have respected her honesty in the past. I have learned that I can lose her trust, especially where her friendships are concerned.  Because her friendships are her lifeline. I have learned that almost everything is negotiable. I have learned to include both of the kids in our major discussions and decisions. I have also learned that the more often I give choices instead of orders the better she reacts to the times when I must give a nonnegotiable expectation.  

I have learned that chocolate really does soothe the savage beast.

I have learned to give wide latitude with clothing, behavior, hair, and other issues of appearance. I have learned that my mistakes may be larger now, but her heart is larger too. I have learned that time is a wonderful smoother of rough edges. I have learned how lucky I am to have this child! I have learned that, when blogging about my daughter, to always get her approval first!  

And I have learned that daughters really do grow up to be friends.

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Part 5 of 5: Prospective Homeschool Parents: SOCIALIZATION

 

Welcome to this last 

in a five part series of blogs 

specifically for
the prospective homeschool parent.

Are you online this evening surfing and surfing and surfing for information on homeschooling and fretting about it? Is there a possibility that you are considering homeschooling your children and would love to read some advice from seasoned homeschooling parents? 

If so, STOP the presses. Put down the surf board and RELAX.  You have found what you are looking for.

This is going to simplify things for you a bit. I have a large group of friends who homeschool. Between us we have over 100 years of experience homeschooling! In order to gather information for you, I asked each of them all to fill out a survey of sorts, looking for wisdom to share with prospective homeschooling parents. In this series I have shared much of the wisdom of these moms.

This post is about SOCIALIZATION.

For some reason this myth of homeschooling still pervades the internet and the fears of families considering homeschooling in spite of the many research studies and supportive propaganda.  Although I have done many posts on this subject, I will let the homeschool moms share their wisdom with you:

Darlene suggests that socialization in public schools is what should really be questioned:

Socialization is the process of learning to be a functioning member of society.
It is specifically not taught in schools.
It is easy to model when a child is exposed to the larger world.

Cathy, long time homeschooler, is uniquely qualified to calm your socialization fears:
Socialization was great, as the kids found themselves with many different ages and sorts of people, all the time, and learned to be strong and yet to get along. Socializing was also fantastic, ranging from Girl Scouts and dance classes with neighborhood kids to hanging out a ton with somewhat far-flung homeschoolers in our wonderful support group!

Rebecca has this lovely story to tell about socialization with her daughter:
My children are very good socially, talk to people of any age very confidently, and they are not ageist at all. My 8 year old invited an elderly neighbor he talks to over the wall, who I hadn't really met, to his birthday party - and he and his wife came, and are really nice! They get on with other children, teenagers and adults with no problems at all. They talk to people in shops, on the beach, wherever we go. The last thing that concerns me is "socialization".

Korin, confident homeschooling mom, states:
The socialization thing is not a real issue, that is a made up problem to frighten people who want to go outside the norm. One of the postives I do see from HSing is that my kids are NOT exposed to the type of dysfunctional socialization that goes on in any brick and mortar school.

And Angie says:
Socialization?  It's a myth. If you want your kids to become 'socialized,' then you don't keep them secluded at every opportunity. I've known traditional schooled kids that never took a trip to the grocery store or the post office with their parents. Believe me, they were Un-socialized! Interact with your children and find meet ups in the area. You'd be surprised how many like-minded people you'll find just by reaching out even slightly.

I have about a dozen other replies to this question, but most of them sound like this:
Socialization?  Sure, I let them out of their shackles every now and then.



ADDENDUM after Sophelia's comment below:

My 15-year old daughter, a homeschooler for 10 years has this to say about socialization:
It is possible to have good socialization, but it's hard. You have to figure out what you like and follow through with it. To meet people, I have had to be very deliberate, and do the hard things. 
It's not easy because I'm kind of shy. But kids are interested in hearing about homeschooling and that starts up some good conversations.

It's difficult here in Australia because there are few people my age. The friends that I do have here are always busy with school, work, and boyfriends.

Back home I don't have that problem because most of my friends homeschool and it's easier to get together with them and go places.  We are a close group back home. In a good week, I hang out with friends several times a week  Our parents encourage our time together.

What I find the hardest is getting the courage to talk to people. My parents often help me get started with friendships, but it can be difficult meeting new people who are open to friendships because they already have lots of friends and aren't open to adding new friends.

I have figured out that what you can't say to new people is "I don't have many friends here in Australia" and the people I say this to treat me oddly when I say that. But I've been here for several months and maybe I have scared them away by saying that.
I can honestly say that here, in Australia, I don't see friends often enough. I appreciate it when Mom works hard to schedule get-togethers with me, I'm a bit shy in setting days up by myself... 

 
Having close friendships is vital to most human beings, and doubly so for kids. Schooling children come with a ready-made pool of children to choose from, it's true. But that doesn't mean that all will be ducky; for example I had a very lonely childhood in my school.  But that advantage of a pool of children doesn't come ready-made for homeschooling families. I have put a great deal of effort into our entire homeschool experience, including friendships. I guess the caring parent will do everything they can to create friendships for their children.

I have to say that time with friends is a thing that we work hard on, create deliberately, and give lots of focus to. Our circumstances are quite different from most families, but it can be said that each family is unique unto themselves. Friendships will be easy for some to create and difficult for others. No one can tell you today what things will look like for you tomorrow. John has been trying to build a friendship with S, a school kid down here who lives just a house or two away. Although S is often home, he is not open to a friendship with my son. In fact, just this afternoon John told me that he is going to stop trying. I am mentioning this because being a homeschooler or not does not have as much to do with friendships as personality does in many cases. In this case, S is being pressured by people around him to NOT be friends with John...

Once a family begins homeschooling and finding the homeschooling community in their area, they are often pleasantly surprised with the many resources out there for homeschool families. Homeschool groups and co ops, frequent play dates, hobby groups, scouts, sports, neighbor kids, etc. can be good places to start. Your imagination is your only limitation!


As for a specific response to Sophelia, it is always possible to find people who are not educating their children in the healthiest way, who are not raising their children in the best possible way, who are living so outside-of-the-box that their children do not experience child-centered childhoods. That goes for homeschoolers and schoolers of all kinds. I am sincerely sorry when I meet people who were not given the best resources possible. It's not fair. Do we blame Sophelia's parents for Sophelia feeling so ill-prepared for life? We could, surely. But, rather, let's learn from her.

Let's recognize that raising children is a full-time job whether they are in school or not. Good things happen and bad things happen to children regardless of their learning options. Sophelia sincerely wishes for children to be raised in loving and protecting homes that offer dynamic opportunities for moving through the world. And don't we all.

Thank you, Sophelia, for asking me to make this post be more meaningful. You are absolutely right that I didn't put much thought into the post at all. And for something so important?! My sincere apologies. I'm glad you called me on it

Homeschoolers DO get tired of the socialization questions. But that doesn't mean they don't take it seriously. We do!  Even more specifically, Sophelia's comment about having been poorly-socialized, "I felt this way, and many of my homeschooled peers also went through periods of great depression when they began attending university and couldn’t cope socially" is very important for us to hear and to hear again. A couple of readers of this blog, themselves homeschool alum, often write on their about their on-going difficulties in life that seem to be a result of not having had enough time with similarly-aged friends growing up.

We, as parents, are trying our best. We do what we do in order to make good lives for our children. So, feedback from others in our shoes is absolutely essential for our improvement. Is it awful for me to use your cautionary tales as a lesson for myself? I hope not because I am doing that.  

I have spent many hours discussing friendships with my daughter and son. (Many of the above homeschooling moms do not have children who are teens as mine are.) It is my hope, my desire, that all parents work hard at having good, close relationships with their children so that they can frequently assess the needs of their children and teens...and so they can respond to those needs.

And, as for socialization, with sincere effort, it really can be wonderful being a homeschooler!

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If you enjoyed this post you might also like:
Twelve Homeschool Myths Busted By Homeschoolers
Prospective Homeschool Parents:  Part 1 of 5 

Homeschool and Socialization 

SAQ - Seldom Asked Questions About Homeschooling

I will be hostessing the upcoming Carnival of Homeschooling on April 2nd.
PLEASE, to my readers and blogger friends, submit some great reading material for this homeschool carnival!
You can send it to me directly at:  karen.loethen Ampersand gmail.com

With Flaws and All

I used to think I was the strangest person in the world but then I thought there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do. I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me too. 
Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it’s true I’m here, and I’m just as strange as you. 

- Frida Kahlo

When you homeschool, you are with your children all of the time. You will be imperfect. Perfection is not only impossible. The striving for it is overrated. And a waste of perfectly good effort.

Instead, be what I like to think of as Good Enough:  

Try. Try hard.  

And be satisfied with the accomplishments 
and abilities of that effort.  

And tomorrow, try again using new information 
gleaned from yesterday.

My use of the phrase Good Enough Parent is different from the Neo-Freudian Object Relation Theorists of the early and middle parts of last century, though I did borrow the phrase from their work. Instead, I want we parents to allow ourselves the room to grow, to improve, to become more than we are today.

Parenting children is an ongoing School of Hard Knocks. We are imperfect. Our children are imperfect. But our love and our good intentions can be perfect in any given moment. We can do our best today, learn from each success and failure and need to change, and then be a different Good Enough Parent tomorrow. We are continually learning.

In fact, I became a much happier and better parent when I realized that I could apologize to my children. When I have made errors of judgment or intention, I can apologize to them by explaining my thought process and the moment when I realized I was wrong. And they get that. Hey know that, together, we are on this road of life.


Every parent needs to know this. So, take it from me, embrace your flaws! Embrace the flaws of your partner, your friends, your children, and yourself!
Because that is TRULY loving.

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If you enjoyed this post you may also like: 

My Second Grade Teacher and Homeschooling 
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My SUPER Super Sensitive Kid

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I will be hostessing the upcoming Carnival of Homeschooling on April 2nd.
PLEASE, to my readers and blogger friends, submit some great reading material for this homeschool carnival!
You can send it to me directly at:  karen.loethen Ampersand gmail.com

I Hate Depression

I'm feeling lonely.
I have friends who are very important and special and meaningful to me. But no one who I get to see very often. And, for whatever reason, I'm feeling sad and alone tonight.

We go for stretches of time longer than I am comfortable with without seeing any friends down here. The kids are lonely. Bored. Longing for friendships.
And I can do nothing about it. Homeschoolers all seem to do "Distance Education", AKA School at Home. Everyone is on a schedule and, therefore, unavailable during the week.

But that's just a part of it. Maybe it's the incessant rain, keeping us all inside and bringing on a case of cabin fever.
But that's not it either. Sometimes the existential aloneness of being human gets ahold of me and brings me down... It's happening now.

The kids, in fact, are being very productive with lessons and activities and whatnot. Jerry is incredibly loving and attentive to me. Things are...great. I have a good life...enviable, even.

But I feel a downward spiral of aloneness happening...

This evening Jer and I were talking about returning to the US, and how, maybe, I would feel better if I was home. But, you know, I don't think so. Periods of this aloneness hit me there too. It's just one of those things that I have to move through until I am working my way out the other end...
I'll be fine...just need some time.

Top Ten Habits of a Happy Homeschool Mom

I got the idea for this post from THIS blog:

http://thisadventurelife.wordpress.com/2011/02/22/ten-habits-of-happy-homeschooling-moms/

What would I say are the best habits that I have? 
written before I could fully read the one listed above...so I can't use her list!

My Top Ten List

10.  Connect with other adults as often as you need to. 
Some weeks I can get through the entire week without feeling that I MUST speak to someone who does not whine, throw ninja kicks and punches as we talk, or stomp out of the room in a tiff. Other weeks, it's minute to minute. The main topics of conversation that I need from an adult range from gardening to reading to hobbies. We almost NEVER talk about the kids! But there are those days when our most basic need to remind ourselves that we are capable adults...with brains and that we are not ruining our offspring!

9.  Have hobbies. 
I have several activities that I enjoy on my own, around the kids, but not involving the kids. I have some crafty things I do, reading, computers, yard sales, and blogging. I also enjoy beach walks, writing, and photography. These activities I COULD share with them but I seldom do. Honestly, it encourages them to follow their own bliss as well. Mostly, I admit, it's time in my own mind. Oh, and I've started embroidery since we've been in Australia (HEY, it's rainy!)

8.  Spend LESS! 
I have the urge to shop for more and better materials often. But, I realize and remind myself, I have enough.  Plenty. It's never a good idea to get into a habit of shopping when bored. And, down here in Australia, we find we do better when we use our imaginations rather than buy things.

7.  Share the mundane. 
The kids and I often talk about current events, family history, our schedule, upcoming purchases, people watching. It is amazing what can become a teachable moment. Just being alert to their questions, curiosity, interest, or confusion can be the start of a wonderful conversation!

Photo of Seth by Rayven

6.  Free time! 
I make it a point to make sure the kids are unscheduled, finished with lessons, and facing unplanned time. These afternoons are the perfect opportunity for them to create something out of nothing. Let them be BORED! These are the afternoons that they remember the most fondly. And, at the moment, they are working on one of those projects that they create when they have the time to follow their bliss:  A video blog of our time here in Australia!

5.  I sit down in the evenings after they are in bed and plan their lessons for the next day. 
I check out websites, create work or practice sheets, unit packets, etc. I have their work prepared for when they wake up. That way, they know, in general, what work and which chores they will be faced with in that day...before they get onto the computer and become comatose. But the best part...I can sleep later and I have time to plan in solitude.

4.  My daughter is awake late and my son is awake early. 
So, although this means that I have my sleep cut at both ends, I wouldn't miss these times with each child separately for anything in the world! My son enjoys the extra cuddle, read, talk time every morning. We might get over an hour each morning before my daughter wakes up. Sometimes these mornings are quiet and contemplative. Other times they are fun and full of laughter. In the evening, my daughter and I snuggle up and talk, play games (usually Scrabble!), simply be together, beside each other on the couch as we read. It's some of the best times of my day.

3.  Taking time OFF LESSONS is a wonderful time to regroup. 
We sometimes put all lessons aside for the week and get out of the house. Last January we took some time where we were tourists in our own home town. We had a great time and felt renewed and ready to get back to work after a few days off. Now that we are in a new country we simply get in the car and drive to someplace completely new, or to no destination at all! I'm not exaggerating when I say that these drives are some of our favorite times. And sometimes we look for the local community theater groups around us and to go show after show of amateur plays!

2.  I ask my daughter, who is 15, to sit with me as I create her lessons for the next day. 
John John enjoys this sometimes too, but he prefers to have me handle the planning. Elizabeth will tell me WHAT she wants to do for lessons and HOW she wants to learn it.  It's amazing how much more cooperative she is...and she almost always gives herself WAY more work than I would have..!

1.  Avoid thinking of work by the grade level. 
My son often wants to know the level of work he is doing in math...because he understands math so well! His work often comes from books intended for kids three or four grade levels above where he would be if he was in school. Knowing that makes him feel pretty proud...but how would he feel if he knew which grade's work he is doing in spelling??? I don't think he would like that. So, I keep the level out of it and talk about "HIS level". It is one of those things that a person could miss about homeschool that is just WONDERFUL - having your kids work at exactly THEIR LEVEL at all times.
Besides, don't ALL kids work at their own levels anyway, actually.

 

BONUS: 
Do lessons with other homeschool families. Contact a friend or two...or three... and prepare a day of lessons to share with all kids. One day four of us got our kids together for a day of simple machines. Besides just playing Mousetrap, our day was supremely excellent with so many hands-on activities for learning and so many different types of learning modes offered. It was WAY more fun than if we had done it on our own and all of the moms has their own unique way of teaching and their own activities to include in the day. You can do this with poetry reading, cooking, hands-on history, field trips, biology, gardening, microscopes, math lessons...you name it.
Who knows, you might even start your own learning co op this way.

So, there you go, those are my top ten for tonight!
What are yours?

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If you enjoyed this post you may also like:
Having a Bad Homeschool Day: 14 Ways to Turn Your Day Around
Thirteen Things I Wish I Would have Known About Homeschooling when I Started
Homeschooling and Socialization
Turning the Tables: Ten Things Homeschoolers Think about School