The Interweb: A Freedom, a Mirror, a Community

atheist blog

We are the lucky ones because we get to be alive at the beginning of the World Wide Web, the WWW, the internet. Don't take it for granted...it's amazing. It is a wonder. It is the beginning of something I can't even begin to imagine.

For the first time in EVER people can look it up, compare it with their neighbors, connect with people from nearly every corner of the planet. We are the first generation EVER, in the entire  history of this planet, that gets to learn ideas outside of our tiny little square of homeland.

We are the first generation EVER that gets to find out how to do it ourselves, that has information available to us at the touch of a finger, that no longer has to worship at the alter of whoever holds the knowledge, that has it within our ability to learn how to improve ourselves and our community right here and right now. We are the first generation EVER to have the necessary information available for free or for next to nothing. 

We are the first generation EVER that can research claims. We can find evidence. We can compare philosophies. We can make claims and have them refuted or proven instantly. We can learn about any subject that interests us. We can create or join communities of like-minded people. We can examine and study every esoteric bit of knowledge that anyone can claim. 

We can learn about every single country, habitat, dynasty, people, culture, theory, and field of study that our species has knowledge of. For the first time EVER the average human being can get news for free from nearly every country or city on the globe. For the first time EVER, people who are introverts or anxious or depressed or handicapped or unable to move around can have connections with people and can form true friendships. People can get advanced degrees affordably and without leaving their homes. People can shop without leaving their homes.

For the first time EVER, the little voice can be heard without being silenced. The littler voice can speak out without having the louder voice erase it. Drown it out, yes. Erase, no. People can be OUT about who they truly are. People have access to endless platforms for their opinions and questions and questionings. People can find other people. For the first time EVER, and this is exciting, people who are trapped in small places can talk with other people and find how how do you do it, am I weird, is this normal, how can I get out?

For the first time EVER people can share music and art and writing and images of every sort freely and with those who are interested in them. Fame and infamy without ever leaving your home. People, for the first time EVER, can create their own travel plans with vast amounts of information available to them for making choices. People can share and barter and trade and sell freely, globally.

For the first time EVER in the history of humanity, medical knowledge, scientific knowledge, political knowledge is available to the common person without a middle man. Searching for information is easy! Historical documents are available to read for the first time EVER, at our fingertips. Financial data and trends are available easily for the first time EVER, without having a third party necessary to access or interpret them. 

If I want a recipe, a movie time, a definition of a word, an explanation of an event in time, a write up on a person in history, easy comparisons of products, a way to sell my product or idea, a way to share my thoughts, to inform myself on something I worry about or don't understand properly, I can go online and get information to answer my questions in seconds.

We are the first people in the history of people who get this. Up until now so much information was given to us by spoonfuls (if at all) through a middle man or some other gatekeeper, at exorbitant and preventative prices. Knowledge is now available to many many people on this planet easily and affordably. This is a truly momentous time.

This should change EVERYTHING.

You're So Beautiful

atheist blog

A few weeks ago I wrote a blog about human beauty called Beautiful. In that post I talked about how I personally respond to beautiful people and how humans in general tend to give extra credit to those people who are considered truly beautiful. 

I wondered why no one commented on that post; it is because such a confession is too weirdly TMI? Is it because it's an awkward reality that many of us can relate to but prefer to not discuss? Is it just that the post wasn't interesting or didn't seem relatable?

Anyway, I haven't stopped thinking about beauty and human attractiveness. We all know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that beauty is also a cultural phenomenon. What is beautiful here in St. Louis might not be the same beautiful in Mali or Uruguay or Nepal or Finland or Siberia or Unalaska or Laos or Hokkaido or Kyrgystan or the Ivory Coast or Djiouti or Patagonia or the Maldives or Egypt or Togo or Turkey or Tunisia or Texas. But I wonder if the truly beautiful and youthful people still experience that star struck thing from people around them, regardless of where they live.

Me and my sister Linda

What about we normal folk? We don't get those perks. We don't have the benefit of being assumed to be successful. We are hired less often and get lower wages and get better raises. Children are less trusting of us. We don't get the privilege of the truly beautiful. No fair.

Back when I was younger I was fairly pretty. At that time I was able to talk my way into and out of trouble. People did do things for me because of my appearance at times. I did get perks. I did get attention and I knew it. I also noticed when it stopped as I got older, heavier, less attractive. It was weird how hard it was for me to lose it in the beginning. 

So I've been on all sides of this thing and I still don't understand why beauty is such a powerful thing for us. And why can the absence of beauty actually lower our opinion of a person? Plainness is frowned upon. It's WEIRD and such a waste of humanhood. So many of us are your average-looking human being...yet so many of us are remarkable as hell in our various ways. 

Unattractive people, how dare they inflict this aesthetic neutrality on other people. 

Actually, there are interesting and very real benefits to being plain. When someone likes me, I know that they like me for the person that I am. I also know that I am less likely to think I need plastic surgery or any sort of surgical body improvement because I sincerely know that I am just fine as I am and that I have no one to impress. I have discovered my value and what I have to offer that have absolutely nothing to do with my appearance. I know a few attractive people (and a few people craving to be attractive) who still have this to learn.

When I was younger and cuter my sister was always commenting on my appearance. She was like a cheerleader to my hair, my face, my eyes. I was always so uncomfortable with that in those days; her cheers seemed to come out of the blue. Nowadays her compliments mean so much more to me: You are an amazing mother. You have such a good heart. I can always talk to you honestly.

It is inevitable for all of us that we lose our youth and our attractiveness. It is all very fragile. For the truly beautiful, unless they have had time to deal with the psychological nature of appearance and have learned to appreciate their inner beauty, getting older and less attractive is a difficult journey.

If our beloved country would work to stop objectifying young bodies and young faces, I think that more of the beauty of the hearts of our unseen plain people would begin to shine. Imagine that! Valuing the heart, the mind, determination, the character. Now those are qualities that don't fade; they only grow.

Guest Post: Lizzie Wants World Peace

atheist blog

Guest post: Lizzie Wants World Peace

A couple of months ago in April, Lacey and I went to Chicago to see a Korean pop band called B.A.P. While the concert and trip itself were AMAZING and worth an entire post or eight plus pictures, there was one part of the concert that really stood out to me.

There was one part of the concert, somewhere in the middle, when the lights went red and the word "WAR" was on the screen, large and clear for everyone to see. After about a minute and a half of looking at the word, it gets smaller and suddenly all of the wars from the past 100-150 start scrolling past nice and slow. There are a lot, and past the mid 30's or 40's the scrolling speeds up and there are STILL more and more wars. I just kept going and going until the 2000's, where there were more names. The list was staggering. Every time you thought it was going to stop, it just kept going and going.
In the documented history of humans there have been approximately 286 out of  3,400 years of peace. Of no war whatsoever. Just 8% of our recorded history has been without war and it kind of struck a chord in me. 

The boys then performed One Shot which I have linked to with English lyrics. The song itself is very powerful and the music video is very intense and rather upsetting to some, but it surely gets the message across. 

How long are we all going to hate each other? How long are we going to have to fight over things that should be human rights? How long do we have to fight for what is clearly not ours? Why do we have to have country borders and hatred between them? Why do we simply hate people because they don't believe that a man in the sky exists? Because of who we love? Because of our god damned skin color. We're all different, but that's what makes it all so amazing. We have so much to learn from each other, so why does it always have to resort to years of fighting when something goes wrong? Why do people enjoy the concept of war anyway? What is the romance of bombs, bullets and death? Why can't we all get along? 

B.A.P is right. We only have one life, one chance at it, so why are we spending all of our energy hating people because of such trivial things? Why don't we spend it loving and learning and traveling without having to worry about what would happen if our country loses whatever war is going on now? Why is war the only way to decide things? We have one damn shot at life, and we need to make it worth something. We have to make it happy and healthy. Some of us have more time than others, so we have to make the most of every moment. Let's not waste time fighting.

I've Got a Few Goals

atheist blog

I'm no longer really finding it necessary to find atheist/secular homeschool materials, so this blog's function in that direction is at an end. I'm no longer struggling with finding my way as a first-gen atheist parent in this very Christian culture. I'm moving into a different phase of my life. So why am I still blogging?

Because I still have some things that I want to accomplish, some objectives to this fairly public venue of a blog.

One goal I've had, more of a drive, really, is to stay openly atheist. To be THAT person who can be counted on to call it out: I'm an atheist and I won't sit by quietly, not speaking. So many atheists or doubting believers live in quiet places, places where they feel absolutely no freedom to be honest about their skepticism. And why? Because people would treat them differently, badly. I know people who are completely in the closet about their apostasy for fear of how they and their children would be treated.

YES, you read that right. I know and care for people who are fearful of being openly science-minded, logical, rational. I find it so weird and tragic that in this country people have to actually hide their intellect, who must keep their rejection of mythology under a bushel. How can this be? How can this country be so steeped in Christianity that informed and educated people feel the need to keep their children close and their atheism hidden?

So I'm on a mission. In every way I can, I will represent atheism to my small part of the world. I will be the face of atheism for as many people as I can, people who are fearful of atheists, people who think they have never met an atheist. I will be that person. I'm good and kind and I have a gorgeous face: I'll put it out there without fear. Through this effort I think more and more people will figure it out: atheists are people worth knowing, not the fearful people the church claims.

For that reason and for a few other reasons, my daughter and I have been looking into the Secular Student Alliance (SSA). The first time our family knew of the SSA was through the Skepticon, the atheist convention put on by the SSA members at one of the universities in Springfield MO. We were impressed with the SSA people and we've enjoyed Skepticon many times.

So Elizabeth and I are looking in to connecting up with an SSA chapter near us...we'll see.

The Secular Student Alliance is an organization whose goals are to educate students on high school and college campuses about evolution, the scientific process, reason, and the intellectual basis of secularism in its atheist and humanistic programs and efforts. The organization is national and offers many resources to its chapters, leaders, and members.

I'm also still blogging because I enjoy this community of people. I enjoy the many people who have become a part of my life through this blog and these writings. I intend to keep it up as long as I enjoy it!

And finally, I blog because the world is a weird and wonderful place, because the human mind is so very interesting, and because I love to learn...however small my little world is.

SO, those are my goals. 
Do you have any?

I've Come to a Few Decisions

atheist blog

In the past two days I've come to two very important decisions. Two subjects that I have an inordinate amount of thought into, both subjects that are both either/or, black/white, no middle ground. Those decisions are rare. Those decisions take time and I'm delighted to finally figure myself out.

For my first major decision...drum roll...
I'm pleased to report that I have decided to stop coloring or highlighting my hair. I've decided to just let the grey happen. I am lucky enough that the grey is happening slowly and it's just time to embrace the graceful grey once and for all.

And finally, finally, I've decided to put myself fully behind Hillary.

In the beginning of her serious presidential run I had to admit that I didn't trust Hillary Rodham Clinton and I was also certain that I didn't know exactly why I didn't trust her; was I one of the millions of victims of the so-called media smear? I was willing to acknowledge that I didn't know Hillary except for what I'd read in various media sources. Of course, there's no way to know her any other way. So I decided a few months ago to open my eyes and ears and to really listen.

Anyway, now I'll finally get some sleep tonight.

So...What if YOU are Wrong?

atheist blog

A surprising number of adults that I know frighten themselves so much with belief in supernatural things. Demons and scary afterlives and ghosty things and evil doers. The fear of these things affects their lives so strongly that they have nightmares and anxiety and distress. And worse, these fears limit their ability to truly love people and to foster peace and connection. Belief in these things also make some beloved people seriously concerned about my complete atheism, thereby bringing themselves even more concern and vexation. I want to ask them one question: What if you are wrong?

What if there is no such thing as magical realms and spooky spells? What if the only evil is intention? What if the end of our physical life here on Earth results in our molecules rejoining the sublimity of nature and this infinite cosmos? What if all of the entities that you fear, every single one of them, is a figment of the fearful imaginings of Men? What if our species was more ennobled by pride than by guilt?

What if there was only earth and stone below us and above us only sky? What if the only one who knew the deepest contents of our heart was us? What if no unseeable spirit was judging us? What if there was no such thing as magic, luck, blessings, curses, or damning? What if we discarded the concept of sin and focused more on character? What if logic and reason were valued above faith? And, even more, what if all things were knowable and faith was not required or even praised?

What if our intentions were more powerful than any overseeing entity or church? What if each heart and mind trusted itself to make decisions based on justice and humanity and intellect? What if our species wasn't limited by age-old doctrine and dogma that seems to have no basis in reality? What if we revered and honored intelligence, kindness, effort, achievement, and innovation? What if all of the words spoken to an unknowable entity actually fell onto the ground, yet still helped you to discover answers and peace? 

What if all humans are truly created equal and no doctrine or claims could change that? What if this moment here, now, is the most important moment of your existence? What if the utter humanity of suffering was comforted and loved with kind hearts? What if the moments of your existence are utterly finite and counting down? What, then, would you change? 

What if every bit of war, rancor, divisiveness, hatred, and hostility over philosophical or religious doctrine would disappear in an instant because they no longer made sense in a secular world?

What if black cats and full moons and four-leaf clover were simply equal parts of our natural world and contained no special meaning? What if we stopped judging people on their adherence to black-and-white doctrine and started judging people on their ability to bring peace and love into their lives and the lives of others. What if we were to acknowledge the long timeline of our species and find awe in our continued survival on a frequently inhospitable planet in our imperfect carbon-based bodies? What if we were free to honor every form of life equally?

What if we were to discard the utter fear and horror of imagined existences after our death? What if we, instead, embraced the beauty and fragility of each moment of our lives and sought to elevate our selves, our community, our species? What if we broke down the limits of imaginary morality and, rather, researched, explored, and celebrated all ethical options available to our stretching imaginations and our growing comprehension of reality?

What if we stopped limiting ourselves because of our fears and we started stretching ourselves with our creativity, adaptability, experience, peacemaking, and community building? What if the millions of people killed or simply limited by religious institutions were, instead, elevated? What if you are wrong about all of the things you fear and that all of the time you spent on fear and guilt could have been used in productive and happy ways? What if thinking outside of the box rather than limiting yourself within the doctrine of a tyrant was possible? What, then, could you accomplish?

If you are wrong, Dear Believer, what, then, could your life be?

As I Get Older...

atheist blog

Me, 1980

Getting older is not an option, yet so many of us fight it tooth and nail. And no wonder. Our country fetishizes youth. Photoshop and everything related to marketing and social media hypes us up to want to look thinner, younger, more perfect, inhumanly thin/young/perfect. It's weird and hurtful and I have no idea what to do about it.

I've talked with the kids about the impossible standards that social media puts out there for appearance and the kids both seem to get it, but I would understand completely if either one of them felt inadequate, too fat, too natural, etc. The pull of the false images is unmistakable. Some adults even fall for the falsified images of what being human should look like.

I'm so grateful the pictures during my youth were largely unretouched. But appearance was a huge issue back then too. (Back in the dark ages.) Maybe it always has been. But because of a number of personal experiences during my youth I have never had the desire to remain young. Instead I have always had a strong desire to be older, wiser, more legitimate, someone to be listened to. And that's saying something because I was pretty cute back then.  *wink*

But I wasn't taken seriously and I needed to be.
I was twelve when my parents divorced, leaving me the eldest female in the house. For a variety of reasons, that put me into a pretty parental role in the house, especially for my two younger sisters. 

The world-at-large, however, didn't accept my parental role; they weren't convinced. (And who can blame them; I was twelve!) But there were still times when I was the one calling the school, the doctor, making appointments, signing things, being there for them, making sure they had what they needed, household management. * Although I was the de facto parent to my sisters in many situations my parental role wasn't publicly sanctioned or understood. Or believed.  For that reason I was constantly battling for legitimacy from an early age. 

SO, getting older is actually such a good feeling to me; it feels right, like I'm finally the age that I feel inside.

Atheism and the Sacred: A Useful Concept?

atheist blog
What is sacred?

In the strictest definition of the word, or at least according to dictionary.com, sacred's primary definitions include: devoted or dedicated to a deity or to some religious purpose; consecrated, entitled to veneration or religious respect by association with divinity or divine things, holy.

In that sense of the word, there is absolutely nothing sacred on the planet.

However, in the secondary definitions of the word sacred, using the same dictionary means: reverently dedicated to some person, purpose, or object; regarded with reverence; secured against violation, infringement, as by reverence or sense of right, sacred oaths, sacred rights. And reverence: deeply respectful.

Under that definition I would propose that there are, indeed, several sacred things on this planet, purposes and objects worthy of deep respect. First two important caveats: no one and nothing is automatically and universally deserving of worship and nothing I say here represents anyone except for me. And no one at speaks for atheists. I speak for myself. This post is about what I deem to be sacred, things for which I am reverent, purposes and objects that I consider ...sacred.

Our Children's Minds

• A Child's Mind - It is my belief that we should respect the minds of our children by giving them every tool we can possibly offer them for healthier living, for critical thought, and for tremendous personal power..
• Freedom and Equality of every sort - By freedom and equality I mean the absence of every -ism on the planet. No more racism, sexism, classism, ageism, abilityism. Only humanism..
• Potential - I strongly believe in the potential of the good people of this planet. Therefore I believe in supporting quality of life, knowledge, freedom, choice..
• The Universe - The universe requires no word from me to announce it's grandeur, but I am completely reverent toward it. That includes our planet, our atmosphere, our oceans, us.

Some hardcore atheists' knee jerk react to the word sacred and I completely understand that. We have witnessed our boundaries transgressed terribly and frequently by the assumed power and imagined sanctity of words such as sacred.

And that is why I'm here again to say that I claim my part of this word and every single word that has ever been usurped by the religions. There are better words than sacred, but I will continue to feel free to use this word and every word in my language freely, wisely, and decidedly.

This is my list. Every other human on the planet is entitled to their own distinct list. Isn't that lovely? 

Do you have a reverence list? 

I would love to hear it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You Might Also Enjoy:
Count Me Among the Faithful
Guilty Pleasure and Escapism
Resisting Temptation is Hard

Why am I an Openly Atheist Blogger?

atheist blog

  Why am I an Openly Atheist Blogger?  

I often get asked why my blog is so openly atheist and I have to wonder if the openly Christian bloggers get this same question... Anyway, this blog post was written in response to that question.

I don't know why most people start blogging; I assume it has something to do with feeling they have something they need to work out or that they need to say. My own reason for starting my blog was fairly unclear to me in the beginning, though I knew that it had alot to do with my disappointment with Facebook.

On Facebook, I found it impossible to post my real beliefs about our family’s lifestyle. I got so much negative feedback on Facebook and, yet, I felt the need to be honest about my beliefs.

You see, I do not debate. If you have a differing opinion or point of view, I generally reply “Oh, okay.” But that’s not always enough. Some of my Facebook “friends” were putting me in positions where I had to explain what they would never be capable of even considering.

In February of 2010 I started blogging for peace of mind. I needed it, the peace, the accepting white page, the welcoming expanse of freedom on blogspot. As time went on, I realized that I actually did have a larger mission for my blog: to confront the ridiculous stereotypes of atheists in this country. I felt the need to join the few, brave voices with the courage to stand proudly in this atheist lifestyle.

These days I have made it my mission to blog and broadcast about secular parenting. Celebrating the liberating secularity, encouraging those blazing new trails, and exploring the little niches of our lives. It matters to me, and I hope my voice means something to someone out there — both on my blog called My Own Mind blog and on my YouTube show called The Secular Parents.

Being an atheist parent is, in some ways, like blazing a new trail. The Christian parenting books are piled high, while secular parenting websites and reading materials are still in their infancy. In fact, atheist authors are seldom welcomed by larger publishers and are

self-publishing… support them! Happily, the road is widening and getting easier to find. More and more, secular parenting groups and entities are online. And the content is less and less about debating or insulting believers and more about the wonderful journey of secular parenting.

Atheist Parenting

Atheist and secular families have exactly the same struggles as every other family in the world, with the addition of a few small issues:

First, we have no religious stories to feed our children or with which to comfort ourselves in our distress. Instead, we have truth and questions and natural explanations. Very often, we are first-gen freethinkers and have nothing from our past to build on. No wonder we often feel so alone and unsupported. The road is ours to blaze and, in the beginning, that is terrifying. Eventually, that trailblazing is a treasure.

Second, we deal with having our families and our small children being treated with derision, hatefulness, intolerance and anger. I mean, how often have you had to explain cruel “hell” comments to your children… without passing along a similar, reactive intolerance to them? Who, among us, hasn’t had to face our sweet children after someone dared tell them that they are “of the devil” or “going to hell”? I don’t know how long this particular battle will be so culturally sanctioned, but I know some wonderful Christian families who openly and courageously fight this intolerance.

Third, atheist and freethinking parents are blazing trails in ethics that make me proud to join them. I have never been a black-and-white thinker. The world is astonishingly complex and fruitful and requires the ability to appreciate all of those lovely smoky oyster shades of grey. Yes, we are free and inspired to view the known and unknown facets of the world with awe and unabashed wonder.

Fourth, and most important, because I think it should be totally normal to live a life of  completely secular living, logic-based reason, and empathetic values. 

I mean, really! Why blog openly atheist indeed!

These days, unlike in my old Facebook days, I don’t feel much need to thrash around in frustration about how atheists are treated — though I feel it deeply. Instead, I’m here to celebrate being an atheist and to, hopefully, inspire my viewers and my blog readers to let their own lights shine.

BTW, has anyone read this new book by David Silverman?

My Two Lizzies

atheist blog

I have loved two Lizzies in my life. My daughter Elizabeth is so very beloved to me; I would do anything for her. The other Lizzie that I would have done anything for is my great aunt,
Elizabeth Marie Becker.

When I was a  little girl, my dear Aunt Elizabeth was just an old person we used to visit to me, you know, the type with weird candy and weird smells in the house. Our family would visit and while the kids explored the house and yard trying to occupy ourselves the adults talked. She wasn't really meaningful to me when I was a kid, really, but sometime during my twenties my Aunt Elizabeth became so very important and special to me. Necessary, even.

Although there was a schism in my family of origin that I disliked intensely, Aunt Elizabeth was the first family member who didn't live under my roof to understand my need to heal that schism. She supported me one hundred percent in my desire to love everyone, in my desire to let go of the hurt. It surprised the hell out of me and, suddenly, I realized that there was so much more to this woman than I knew. Suddenly she seemed to me like an avant garde thinker, a woman of integrity and unusual clarity.

Here she was in her 90s and I was finally beginning to understand just what a treasure she was. I started spending as much time as I could with her, however I could find the time. She was incredibly humorous, very loving, a real optimist, well-read, highly interested in world events, and completely opposite me philosophically in every other way. But I loved that woman with such intensity!

That woman generously and instantly gave me something I had been longing for: beautiful familial love, sincere affection, vitality, her complete support, and her heart. How I enjoyed learning about my family history, more importantly about her own history, as we sat together, touching hands and faces. And OH how I loved bringing my second Lizzie into the world and sharing her with Aunt Elizabeth. It was like a beautiful gift I could give back to her.

Aunt Elizabeth's son, Paul,
Late in his life,
So much love

I remember this one time, in her 100s, against her better judgement, she came to a birthday party that we had for little Elizabeth. Although Aunt Elizabeth wasn't well, she still made the taxing trip over to the house, out of the car, and into the party. She wasn't feeling well and had a brief moment where she regretted coming, felt embarrassed with her ill-moment. It was at that moment that my heart swelled to ten times it's normal size. Against her better judgement Aunt Elizabeth showed her love by struggling through the day, all for us, all for her love for us. I will truly never forget her generous heart.

When Aunt Elizabeth died at the golden age of 105, I hope she knew how important she was to me. I hope she knew how renewing and hopeful her spirit was for me. I hope one of her last memories of me was me sitting beside her bed, loving her with all of my heart. Each time I look at my daughter, I see a small part of Aunt Elizabeth...I'm so lucky to have both of them in my life.