Being Mother to my daughter has changed me so much and I have learned so much! Seriously! Stuff I had no idea I needed to know...
When the kids were smaller, nearly all of my friends had children their ages. In fact a huge percentage of my friends had kids the same age and gender of my own kids. Older daughter, son three and a half years younger. And almost without fail, the mothers of the daughters were struggling with their daughters. We were all in such a similar boat.
And we were confused.
And we were confused.
Yes, her name is Elizabeth. My nickname for her is Shooshy. |
My daughter is apologetically herself. And no wonder that freaked me out, I was such a sweet girl when I was younger. And I don't mean that in a good way. I mean that in a wishy-washy kind of way. In the way where people took advantage of me, walked around me, ignored me... And that simply will not happen to my daughter; she wouldn't allow it! Add to that the fact that I was essentially motherless for all of my teen years and it might explain why I am sometimes confused as to what to do with her, with how best to parent her.
I Can Do This
I now know that it is a truly loving thing to set limits and to enforce them - because she told me! I now know that remembering to apologize for the times when I jump to conclusions or when I make other mistakes deeply strengthens her. All of the "professionals" out there telling me to avoid being her friend were very very wrong. In fact, all of the rules of the so-called experts out there do not trump my own instinct. Our relationship takes deliberate work. Being her parent has taught me that when she yells "I hate this family" she needs tender loving care and not a reactive display of hurt or anger.
She Always Means Well
I have learned that I can trust her completely to tell me the truth because I have respected her honesty in the past. I have learned that I can lose her trust, especially where her friendships are concerned. Because her friendships are her lifeline. I have learned that almost everything is negotiable. I have learned to include both of the kids in our major discussions and decisions. I have also learned that the more often I give choices instead of orders the better she reacts to the times when I must give a nonnegotiable expectation.
I have learned to give wide latitude with clothing, behavior, hair, and other issues of appearance. I have learned that my mistakes may be larger now, but her heart is larger too. I have learned that time is a wonderful smoother of rough edges. I have learned how lucky I am to have this child! I have learned that, when blogging about my daughter, to always get her approval first!
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