You are Amazing (and Beautiful and Intelligent!)

While reading two other blogs, I came across this exercise in feeling GOOD about myself and decided to give it a go as another in an ongoing series of blog posts containing TMI.

She, at http://smrtlernins.com/ asks the reader:

Really, have you looked at yourself lately? 

Have you taken a moment to consider your many amazing qualities?

The blog goes on and asks us to fill in the following so we will:

...remember that you, the unique and remarkable you, are an amazing person...

1. Make a list of five amazing, beautiful physical qualities about yourself. Don’t couch them in an insult (“I look good for my age” or “I have nice legs for an overweight person“). You have at least five beautiful things about you, I guarantee. If you can’t see them immediately, this is your opportunity to search for them. Find those five amazing things about your appearance and list them.

• I have great, natural fingernails.
• I have a nice and frequent smile.       ...erm, this is harder than it looks...
• I have nice, clean teeth.
• I have good, clear skin.
• My hair is healthy.

2. Make a list of five amazing things about your mind. Don’t couch them in an insult (“I’m smart for someone who never finished college“). You have at least five incredible things going on up your head. If you can’t think of them immediately, this is your chance to discover them. Find those five amazing things about your mind and list them.

• I love to learn and I am enthusiastic about new ideas.
• I am a "community builder" as I love bringing people together.
• I am great with words and language.
• I have good ideas and, generally, think 'outside of the box'
• I have a good sense of humor.

3. Make a list of five amazing things you have accomplished. Don’t couch them in an insult (“I’ve accomplished a lot for someone with children“). You have accomplished at least five spectacular things in your life. If they don’t spring immediately to mind, take this time to remember them. Find those five amazing accomplishments and list them.

• I earned a masters degree as well as an advanced license in my field of training.
• I gave birth to two healthy, brilliant, talented children
• I educated myself on many things and worked to bring myself from the darkness to the life I have today.
• I create and carry out events and activities for many people.
• I am a peaceful, non-sarcastic mother who has AMAZING relationships with my children, YES, even the teenaged daughter, and I'm passing healthy messages on to my wonderful and loving children.

What a great way to realize that I don’t always have to have “auto-negative-comments” on when I talk to myself.  I hope, if you can use it, you do this same list for yourself!
And, if you do, post it someplace you can see it whenever you can use a hand up.

You Know You are a Homeschool Dad When...

•  
• You buy your wife a new printer or other office supplies for her birthday...and she's HAPPY.
• Your dinner table becomes the science lab in less than five seconds.
• Your family vacation includes museums, astronomy, and rock collecting...and the kids are GLAD.
• You are the school lunch lady.
• You have more books in the living room than the library has on all of their shelves...and you can't move them!
• The kids point out historical inaccuracies while watching "Dr. Who".
• You report dinner time discussions on Facebook.
• Your son asks for a lathe for Christmas.
• Half of your salary goes to memberships to local museums, zoos, and libraries.
• Your daughter calls you names in Korean and you have no idea what she is saying.
• You contribute to the education of your offspring every time you upgrade an electronic.
• You watch documentaries on rainy days.
• Time with your children often occurs under the night sky, at a pond, or in a tent.
• Your wife takes "time outs" daily.
• You bring home unused paper from the office to be used for printing lessons.
• When people ask you about socialization, you just laugh!
• Your family is still on their PJs at dinner time.
• You are proud of your little "Class Clown", "Class Dunce", and "Class Valedictorian" and they are all the same child.
• You open the refrigerator for a snack and find a science project.
• YOU dress up as a literary character on Halloween.
• Your family vacations are in September.
• Your family disappears on field trips with little or no warning.
• Your children are cooking dinner...as a lesson
• You introduce yourself as "Elizabeth and John's Dad".
• Your children are THRILLED when you share your hobby with their friends.
• Your kids invite you to play games with they and their friends.
• You can kiss your children's teacher.
• Your children never stop asking "why" and "What if..."
• You get to join the kids for "gym".
• Your children request BOOKS as gifts.
• You budget "library fines" into the books.
• Your wife "forgets" to primp for the day.
• Your kids have Mozart on their iPod
• You get your way with the kids by threatening to kiss the teacher.
• Your child is saving his or her allowance for a terrarium.
• When your family goes out to buy school clothes, they return home with new, comfy pajamas.
• Your children never hear the words, "Wait until your Dad gets home"...unless they are planning to do something fun!
• Curriculum money gets spent online, at garage sales, at Goodwill, and at local entertainment centers.
• You watch your wife homeschooling herself.
• Parent-teacher conferences occur daily.
• You come home to find your family under the table...living like the nomads.
• You consider waking the kids up from a sleep because Neil DeGrasse Tyson is on TV.
• Your family purposefully grows mold.
• You and the children often discuss the physics of cartoons.
• "Mythbusters" is played on "Family Night".
• Your children are doing their own research on upcoming purchases.
• Your children quote Shakespeare.
• Your family doesn't take "snow days".  They take "Great Weather Days".
• Your children can't say the "Pledge of Allegiance".
• Your family considers arguments "lessons on interpersonal relations".
• Your wife considers curriculum fairs foreplay.
• You consider "Mom's Night Out" as money well spent.
• You leave the kids at home alone and they watch a documentary and play a game together.
• You can tell how the lessons went by looking around the house.
• ...And by how quickly your wife grabs her keys when you walk in.
• You have made butterbeer in your own kitchen.
• You get to sit with a cup of tea and your wife and talk about books.
• You are also a teacher.
• You are constantly restocking, resupplying, and reusing materials.
• You pay taxes to support the local schools AND you provide materials for your homeschooling family.
• You have learned the art of creative teaching.
• You have promised your wife that you will never again utter the words, "I can't spell so it's OK!"
• Your household swings from vegan to Korean to all science to theater to no TV to anti-consumerism to Socialism to Little House on the Prairie and you swing with it.
• You know that in 72 months, the last one will be starting community college.
• You go to bed and realize you haven't spoken to your wife yet today.
• You always put your family first.
• When you get home from work you, literally, NEVER know what you will find.
• Your children are writing their own books, songs, and plays.
• Your kids beg you for a mini van.
• You turn the spare room into a lesson room.
• You proudly consider your children "unsocialized".
• Your wife spends more time developing lessons than folding clothes.
• You might have to be convinced to take on the homeschool lifestyle, but then you wouldn't change it for anything!

GRIPE

Stop saying that my kid is shy, outgoing, aggressive, anxious, quiet, boisterous, argumentative, pouty, fidgety, chatty, whiny, or loud because he's homeschooled.
 
It's not fair that all the kids who go to school can be as annoying as they want to without being branded as representative of anything but childhood.

Morality vs. Ethics

The questions are:

• Do atheists have a moral ground for their perception of right and wrong? 
• Is an atheist entitled to claim a sense of right and wrong?
• Can we really be good apart from a god?

Simplistically, according to a typical atheist, right and wrong is a matter of whether or not your behavior hurts people or fails to help them.

Wrong action vs. right action.

Once the basic idea is in place, the familiar rules of common sense morality seems obvious. Why should we not kill, murder, steal, rape. Why should be help the needy, clothe the naked, feed the hungry, demand justice for the unrepresented? Disrespect, limiting someone's autonomy, questions of self-defense, etc, are all shades of this question.

My answer, of course, is we do NOT require a god to know what is right and wrong. Certainly we can lay claim to knowing when an act is either not right or inherently wrong. And, of course, we can be and are good without a god. One reason it is true that we can be good without a god is because it is in an individual's own self interest to do right. To make decisions and to take action that is correct or good. When I make decisions of right and of wrong, I effect the community around me as a whole.  

Each of us impacts the other. To be maximally successful we must cooperate with each other. This is a good enough reason to discourage most atheists from "antisocial" or "immoral" behavior, purely for the purposes of self-preservation. Further, we effect our own sense of the type of person we are as compared to the type of person we wish to be. Integrity requires ethics! But that's not even the crux of my reasoning! 

Being an atheist does not suggest that a person upholds any particular ethical system. It merely reports that an individual has no belief in a deity of any kind. Each person, atheist or theist, ascribes to their own chosen, absorbed, inherited, or cobbled sense of correctness vs. incorrectness, good vs. evil.  

In other words, being an atheist does not mean that one subscribes to a particular world view; each person creates their own sense of right and wrong. This makes many religion-followers very uncomfortable. Perhaps this has to do with having had little practice making ethical decisions on their own, using their own internal barometer.

I know of some wonderful people who are Christians who, in response to my questions, assert that they would, in fact, NOT make good decisions if the guidelines of their religions did not guide them. I am certain that they truly believe this. But I am equally as certain that the inherent goodness of these people would shine through. They would, simply, be good for goodness's sake.

Atheism is often wrongly identified with evil and moral anarchy.  Certainly some atheists exist who are less than virtuous -- just as some religious people lack perfection. Lack of virtue is a human trait, not a trait based on one's belief system. From my extensive and recent research, using this argument, believers frequently tend to bring the Marquis de Sade and Nietzsche as failed examples of allowing one's internal sense of right and wrong to be one's guide.

Religions are the cradles of despotism.

Marquis de Sade

A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum 

shows that faith does not prove anything.
Friedrich Nietzsche

It is not a surprise the Friedrich Nietzsche was unloved by the churchfolk as he was known for explaining Man's behavior as being of "free will" and autonomy rather than of controlled by an outside source such as the church or other political system. He also, astutely, I believe, argues that anyone who claims to offer a guide for morality is simply revealing themselves in their claims and assertions. One who professes "truth" is, in a sense, confessing their own witness for who they, themselves, are.

The church's historical fear of Free Will and "will to power" is certainly threatened by a rational being stating and choosing his or her certainty and "goodness" or "badness". We, as human beings, operate in the gray areas of life. An atheist would suggest that these gray areas are normal, unique, and, further, are for each individual to judge. In this example, using Nietzsche as an example of morality without god works.

Nietzsche went even further, though. His belief was that, as Men were to flourish and to grow intellectually, Men would become what they truly felt they should be. Man's sense of ethics would create the ability to understand and to absorb the values of others as well, learning from one another. There would be the ability to view and judge behavior based on each individual's life and circumstances. Relative Morality. No black and white. Shades of gray.  

Nietzsche had the belief that a "higher man" or "superman" would eventually result from this theoretical ability to make the nobler choices independently. I don't know if his ideas would come to fruition in such a world, but human nature often surprises us with it's goodness. Think of that darling boy who gave up the baseball last week...

Friedrich Nietzsche

As a role model for ethics, however, few modern atheists would claim Friedrich Nietzsche as their poster boy. He's an odd choice, in my opinion, for focus by those who claim that atheists cannot be "moral" people.

The fact of the matter, human are social beings. We live in societies and form relationships beginning at our very first day. We feel empathic as very young children. The need to feel connected and to please our elders and respected ones creates the perfect environment for a child to learn the specifics of a given family, group, society.

As a caveat, and in response to the criticisms I have read, I realize that this idea of learning right and wrong from our own culture and life would not work in the event of a mentally ill person. Neither does religion assist these people. I have seen, first hand, that neither religion nor reason helps in situations with people with this nature.

I would also suggest that morality, as a concept, isn't truly well-practiced in the church. I won't base this statement merely on the many, many, many deaths, murders, and tortured people the various religions have produced. I won't merely suggest that the blatant sexual abuse scandals and their in-house cover ups suggest a significant deficit of "morality".

Instead, I would offer for evidence the overall hatred policies of the differing religious sects with regards to racism, sexism, agism, genderism, sexual preference-ism, and a multitude of other ISMs that are all, by my ethical code WRONG.

It's Monday...

I've decided to, unnecessarily, join the Secular Thursday bloggers!
Watch this site for these Thursday specials!

New to Homeschooling?

Each of the determined, confident, admirable homeschooling parents that you have met have, at one time, been a beginner. Right where you are now.

Fearful. Curious. Exploring. Awake looong into the night, looking for even MORE information online to either support or discourage you as you consider homeschooling your children. If you are like me, you actually Googled “Reasons Why I Should Not Homeschool”. Go ahead, read those vitriolic, uninformed, frightened people who warn you away from homeschool. However, those folks have not homeschooled… they are simply against something that they are not knowledgeable about.

Are there reasons to NOT homeschool?  Sure. I’m sure there are parents who are not equipped to either meet the needs of their children or to find a way to get them met. Not every parent has their children’s best interest at heart. Not every parent wants to homeschool in order to openly and passionately create a loving and learning environment for their children. Not every parent has the desire to do it. And not every parent is willing to put their child’s needs first. If you are abusive in any way…you should not homeschool.

Although I have homeschooled for eight years, I have never met one of these parents, I’m just covering my bases in case one of them gets to this blog!

On the other hand, if you are online (for the eighteenth hour in a row) looking for more information on homeschooling, I am SURE you can do it!

And, notice, I did not mention that a parent who wishes to homeschool needs to be the brightest bulb in the box.

Determination. Resourcefulness. “Can Do” attitude. Motivated. And full of love for your child. These are the necessary qualities for a parent who wishes to homeschool. You don’t need lots of money; you don’t needs lots of advanced education; you don’t need to be perfect; you don’t need to be married. If you feel that this is the best decision for your child and your family, then you CAN DO IT. If you decide that this is not the best decision for your child and your family, then there is no shame in not moving forward into homeschooling. But, if you are considering it, then keep reading.

If you have found your way here, I recommend you do this: read about the types of homeschool styles, read about learning styles of children, Google “what is learning” and “what is education”, and continue to educate yourself…well, as long as you shall live. Homeschool families are fortunate enough to be in the position to create the best, unique environment for their children. Even if you don’t see another homeschooling family that looks like the one you think you want to create, that is OK! That is normal. That is as it should be. That is why we homeschool. We want to create an environment full of opportunities that meet our child’s unique needs, abilities, and temperament. If we wanted to be exactly like everyone else, well, we would have picked up a cookie cutter and started creating our family that way.

Are you still feeling unsure? Alone? Fearful? Nervous? Excited?

GREAT! Join the club! Prepare yourself to explore an entirely new way of life…a way of life that you and your child create simply by living it!

Don’t buy anything…at this point, just keep learning!

A Typical Day

Is there a typical homeschool day? 

I doubt it!

Yesterday we were at the table doing lessons at about four in the afternoon, but that is because we were running around visiting friends that morning! Why not have dessert first!

Today we were doing lessons, then played some “cup bowling” (as we call it), when a HS friend dropped by and spent the afternoon with us! There is nothing like a homeschool friend!  They think NOTHING of all kinds of stuff piled up in the living room, simulating a bowling alley!  lol Then there was a little sprinkler play…When people ask me about homeschooling, one of the first questions is usually “what is a typical day like”?

That’s a tough one. 
And a simple one.  

Our days vary so much, as do the days of most families that I know. We are busy, active, rarely sitting still. But when lesson time does come, we’re at the table learning decimals, prepositions, and American history. We have a nice little spot with markers, paper, books, stickers, a timer, rulers, scissors, pencils, and snacks. There we will follow our math books, have discussion about ethics, or letter writing, or friendship, or politics, or discoveries, or plans for the year/month/week/day/moment, play games, science experiments (our favorite!), growing up, kindness and fairness, maturity, history, other cultures, biographies, computers, or just about anything!

In fact, one of the best things about homeschooling is that it is so very CURRENT. If something is happening in the world, we want to know about it!

“Harry Potter” coming out tomorrow? Let’s learn about special effects in the movies. Let’s discuss the controversies that some families experience regarding the films. Let’s get excited that our countdown is nearly over!

President Obama in town? Let’s check out how various news sources around the world discuss his activities for the day. Let’s watch his speech or event. Let’s learn more about a president’s duties.

You get the picture!

We have our math books. We have our language lessons. We read our history. We are avid science book readers. We love learning about art and music and dance.

BUT! We can get up anytime, run out the door, and follow our bliss!

BTW, kids spending the night tonight and tomorrow night...just the usual!

Information, Help, Encouragement

We aren’t the homeschool pioneer generation. 
We don’t have to struggle with legality of homeschooling.
We are standing on the shoulders of giants!

We don’t have to be isolated.  We are no longer considered “strange”.  Homeschooling has proven time and time again what a success it can be, what wonderful adults it can build.   We no longer have to try to homeschool our children without decent materials and NO INTERNET!  (How did they do it?)

Today, the internet is almost TOO full of information.  It is almost TOO easy to find opinions and facts and figures and materials and answers and questions.  But we are the lucky ones.  The families who are able to bask in the work of our forefamiles, the pioneers of homeschooling.  The families who broke the ground of this current ground swell of families who have taken this wonderful road, a road that used to be pathless, now, a wide two-lane highway…construction ahead!

Those families, our homeschooling wise ones, were at a loss for three major things.  Three key elements that homeschooling parents today STILL need, but can now find more readily:  information, help, encouragement.
As homeschooling parents, one of the things we are constantly doing is educating ourselves.  Bookstores, the internet, and community support groups now about and we are surrounded by education sources and wonderful success stories.  Resources are endless and I, for one, find the internet to be a major source for my own education.  I love it!

As for help, no longer are we alone in our wagons on the prairie with miles between us and the next homeschooling family.  With some exceptions of course, we are the lucky recipients of assistance lovingly offered by homeschool veterans and kind-hearted parents who have been there!  Additionally, if we have a question, we are no longer alone AND, there are often a number of answers from which to choose.
Encouragement?  Each family and friend group has their own unique personality, but I have found that encouragement is abundant and available whenever I need it!  In fact, our homeschooling community is a vital and safe place to explore the grand expedition of being a homeschooling parent.

One of my dear friends IS of the homeschool pioneer generation and I can’t even compete with the passion that is this woman!  Nancy Clavenna is an energetic, vital, , learning, adventuresome, blue-eyed wonder of a mother who is now the grandparent of two homeschooled grandchildren:  Evey and Jonas!  Nancy is a first class example of the type of person who has seeded our homeschooling adventure and made it possible for we relative newbies to move forward with confidence and pride that we have taken this road less traveled, yet traveled for a millenia!

No More Guilt

GUILT!!!!!!!!!

I have it. You have it. It must be some sort of invasive thing that enters our body when we have children. I just can’t remember feeling it so often BC (before children)! Not enough fruit. Not enough baths. Not enough sleep. Not enough awake time. Not enough reading. Not enough fractions. 
There is just no end to it!

At the same time, I see guilt as one of the least productive of all emotions. Guilt grinds us to a halt. It weighs us down until we can barely lift our primate knuckles off of the ground and it makes us long for hibernation. The thing it doesn’t do, however, is inspire us to do better!
So, in order to make a dent in the homeschool parents’ overload of guilt, I have created a list of rules. Strike that.  Suggestions!  Evaluate them and decide for yourself if they make sense for you!

Never, EVER, when feeling particularly down in the dumps read a “How to Homeschool” type of book. Most of them can bring me down from the pinnacle of a homeschooling buzz! They effect me even worse if I am doubting my ability to explain exponential notation properly. These books can offer some truly wonderful and inspired ideas and guidelines.  But that is what they are.  Ideas and guidelines. Not rules.
There. Are. No. Rules. Your. Way. Is. Correct.

If your child were in school, he or she would have at least FIVE different adults offering instruction or supervision during a single day. Of course you can’t to all of that!

You can do better. You can be a single, consistent adult, who truly sees and cares. That always trumps the numbers.

Knowing HOW to learn is more important than knowing everything. I have NEVER memorized the state capitols and I will never know how to speak Spanish or French. But, I DO know where to find all of this information (AND MORE) and that is even more important. At any given moment as an adult, none of us know it all. But, happily, we know our resources and we use them.

You didn’t even know what an iPod was three years ago. You won’t know everything that there is to know about homeschooling…well, ever! But you can do your very best today with that you know today.

And that phrase that I remember hearing so often when I was a kid, that phrase that means so much to me now: Tomorrow is another day. 

I honestly have to remind myself of that. Do you?

We don’t have to do it all today! There will always be a tomorrow for us to learn more, do more, or even use for relaxation. Art, music, biographies, creative writing. Let’s plan on doing some of that stuff tomorrow. And if tomorrow never comes, well, I have to say, I only read about three true pieces of literature throughout my entire high school years. Most of my literary reading came as an adult and by choice. You really don’t have to do it all. Sometimes it is enough to say, ‘Hey, there are some cool things over there…wanna go have a look? Well, maybe another day.”

Your family is a team. YOU are not the work horse and PLEASE don’t think that you can be or should be a super mother. Every member of the family can help plan and carryout a meal. And, if your children are like mine, some of them will happily cooperate and feel proud for doing so while some of them will feel like it isn’t fair and life stinks! That’s normal.

If at all possible, take mental health vacations. You alone or the whole family. Go to the park and just lie in the grass. Stay up late and look at stars. Sit by a creek and collect insects. These activities are perspective-givers. Sometimes we all need a reminder…

Peace.

You KNOW you are a Homeschooler When…

 

• Someone asks what grade you’re in and you’re not sure. 
• You always have snacks with lessons.
• You go to Target HOPING someone will ask you why you are not in school today.
• You don’t need permission to either teach evolution or leave it out
• You have already done the grocery-store-as-a-field-trip thing
• Your best vacations are in September, October, November…
• Socialization is NOT a thing you worry about as you get so much of it!
• You stay up past midnight to see the stars on a Monday night.
• Your favorite tool is the computer
• The librarian knows your children's names.
• Your child asks for a reference book for a birthday.
• Your children can occupy themselves for hours.
• Your favorite author is Avi, Jane Austin, Willa Cather, Herman Mehville, or Alexander Dumas.
• You own the entire “Planet Earth” series on DVD
• You can mix a batch of home made play dough from memory
• Your children wear clothing that they have designed
• You don’t have room for all of your books
• You know many genres of music.
• You ask enough questions at the dentist office that you get some “Office time”!
• You are no longer offended by the “Is it legal?” question.
• You have multiplication posters taped across from the potty
• If you forget your homework you can go get it in a minute.
• Your birthday is an official school holiday.
• You work when you are sick and take “sick days” when you are well.
• You are completely unaware of the current fads, fashions, and “cool” slang terms.
• You have no idea what a wedgie is.
• When you watch a movie, you can compare it to the book because you’ve read it.
• You dress up as historical or literary characters for Halloween, or just for fun!
• You exchange home made valentines.
• You have your parent/teacher conference in the dark before going to sleep.
• You have a rock collection, a leaf collection, a bone collection, and an insect collection.
• The librarian knows your name and suggests books to you.
• You have ever attempted to teach yourself algebra, sentence diagramming, or physics.
• You learn something new every day
• Your dictionary is dog-eared and tattered, and well used!
• Santa brings you craft books and science kids and you are happy!
• You know what Latin roots are.
• You visit website you would have NEVER found had your children not asked a question
• Your board games all have names like “Scrabble”, “Trailblazer”, “Game of Knowledge”, and “Geo Bee”.
• You have created a newer decimal system for organizing books
• You told the librarian about it and she was impressed
• You have homemade timelines and maps on your walls
• You know all of the planets’ names and have seen them
• Your favorite place to study is outside on a blanket, under a tree, anyplace flat!
• You can quote lines from Shakespeare, but not from the Disney Channel.
• You play math games and language for fun
• You own a bingo game
• You have “Not Going Back to School” parties
• The only bully you ever run into is your brother
• It takes you less than a minute to walk to school.
• Your school bus is a mini van.
• You keep paper, pens, a dictionary, Peterson Field  Guides, binoculars, compass, rock hammer, collection kit, snacks, and a change of clothing in your car.
• There are only four students in your class – and all of them are your brothers and sisters.
• You have a 12-year-old, an 8-year-old, and a toddler in the same class.
• The school nurse, principal, librarian, bus driver, and lunch lady all tuck you in at night
• You have mold growing in your refrigerator on purpose
• If you have EVER studied the contents of the vacuum bag
• You own more than one of the following:  telescope, microscope, binoculars, fax machine, copier, video camera, black board, or compass
• Every day you are thankful to have spent that day with your children
• You will NEVER regret not having spent enough time with your children
• You actually look forward to “PTA meetings” with other parents!
• Your teens make valentines for YOU.