Friday, August 12, 2011

You Know You are a Homeschool Dad When...

  • You buy your wife a new printer or other office supplies for her birthday...and she's HAPPY.
  • Your dinner table becomes the science lab in less than five seconds.
  • Your family vacation includes museums, astronomy, and rock collecting...and the kids are GLAD.
  • You are the school lunch lady.
  • You have more books in the living room than the library has on all of their shelves...and you can't move them!
  • The kids point out historical inaccuracies while watching "Dr. Who".
  • You report dinner time discussions on Facebook.
  • Your son asks for a lathe for Christmas.
  • Half of your salary goes to memberships to local museums, zoos, and libraries.
  • Your daughter calls you names in Korean and you have no idea what she is saying.
  • You contribute to the education of your offspring every time you upgrade an electronic.
  • You watch documentaries on rainy days.
  • Time with your children often occurs under the night sky, at a pond, or in a tent.
  • Your wife takes "time outs" daily.
  • You bring home unused paper from the office to be used for printing lessons.
  • When people ask you about socialization, you just laugh!
  • Your family is still on their PJs at dinner time.
  • You are proud of your little "Class Clown", "Class Dunce", and "Class Valedictorian" and they are all the same child.
  • You open the refrigerator for a snack and find a science project.
  • YOU dress up as a literary character on Halloween.
  • Your family vacations are in September.
  • Your family disappears on field trips with little or no warning.
  • Your children are cooking a lesson
  • You introduce yourself as "Elizabeth and John's Dad".
  • Your children are THRILLED when you share your hobby with their friends.
  • Your kids invite you to play games with they and their friends.
  • You can kiss your children's teacher.
  • Your children never stop asking "why" and "What if..."
  • You get to join the kids for "gym".
  • Your children request BOOKS as gifts.
  • You budget "library fines" into the books.
  • Your wife "forgets" to primp for the day.
  • Your kids have Mozart on their iPod
  • You get your way with the kids by threatening to kiss the teacher.
  • Your child is saving his or her allowance for a terrarium.
  • When your family goes out to buy school clothes, they return home with new, comfy pajamas.
  • Your children never hear the words, "Wait until your Dad gets home"...unless they are planning to do something fun!
  • Curriculum money gets spent online, at garage sales, at Goodwill, and at local entertainment centers.
  • You watch your wife homeschooling herself.
  • Parent-teacher conferences occur daily.
  • You come home to find your family under the like the nomads.
  • You consider waking the kids up from a sleep because Neil DeGrasse Tyson is on TV.
  • Your family purposefully grows mold.
  • You and the children often discuss the physics of cartoons.
  • "Mythbusters" is played on "Family Night".
  • Your children are doing their own research on upcoming purchases.
  • Your children quote Shakespeare.
  • Your family doesn't take "snow days".  They take "Great Weather Days".
  • Your children can't say the "Pledge of Allegiance".
  • Your family considers arguments "lessons on interpersonal relations".
  • Your wife considers curriculum fairs foreplay.
  • You consider "Mom's Night Out" as money well spent.
  • You leave the kids at home alone and they watch a documentary and play a game together.
  • You can tell how the lessons went by looking around the house.
  • ...And by how quickly your wife grabs her keys when you walk in.
  • You have made butterbeer in your own kitchen.
  • You get to sit with a cup of tea and your wife and talk about books.
  • You are also a teacher.
  • You are constantly restocking, resupplying, and reusing materials.
  • You pay taxes to support the local schools AND you provide materials for your homeschooling family.
  • You have learned the art of creative teaching.
  • You have promised your wife that you will never again utter the words, "I can't spell so it's OK!"
  • Your household swings from vegan to Korean to all science to theater to no TV to anti-consumerism to Socialism to Little House on the Prairie and you swing with it.
  • You know that in 72 months, the last one will be starting community college.
  • You go to bed and realize you haven't spoken to your wife yet today.
  • You always put your family first.
  • When you get home from work you, literally, NEVER know what you will find.
  • Your children are writing their own books, songs, and plays.
  • Your kids beg you for a mini van.
  • You turn the spare room into a lesson room.
  • You proudly consider your children "unsocialized".
  • Your wife spends more time developing lessons than folding clothes.
  • You might have to be convinced to take on the homeschool lifestyle, but then you wouldn't change it for anything!


  1. For us, it's Your kid goes an obscure insect for Halloween.

    My five yr old went as a green sweat bee. Some of the farm folk we met knew what those were, most people just nodded and smiled and threw candy at her.

    Your list is extensive and accurate. Well done!

    1. lol...a green sweat bee?!
      Kids just slay me!


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