Sunday, July 24, 2011

Ten Things I'm Grateful For



Time is just RUSHING by during these busy months of summer.  Our calendar is as hot at the summer here in St. Louis.  And that's HOT!


St. Louis is under heat warnings constantly and we're constantly having to go go go out into it.  But we are all healthy, happy, and busy.  So, although the news lately has been terrible with the horrifying Norwegian nut massacring students for his religious and political beliefs to Afghan news day to day, I find that my family is doing great.  And I'm grateful.  So grateful, in fact, that I have decided to post the top ten things for which I am feeling thankful. 


  1. The continued health of my family.
  2. The fact that we are financially solvent and stable in these difficult times.
  3. That we have friends who are pretty freaking amazing.
  4. That my children have not experienced any frightening and painful accidents.  (NOT the same as #1)
  5. That Elizabeth and I seem to be on the same page (for once) where her high schooling lessons are concerned.
  6. That my children and I have wonderful, open, and truthful relationships.  (for now)
  7. That Jerry and I have a relationship of trust and openness and FUN.
  8. That we have enough that we can offer assistance to others.
  9. Netflix
  10. The library
That's it.  We are healthy, we have plenty, we are together.
I hope all is well where you are.
And, if they are, add a few gratitude statements of your own!




Friday, July 15, 2011

Guilty Pleasures

 

1.  Reading way, way late into the night, or way early into the morning, depending on how wonderful the book is.  I am guilty of reading some books until my eyes literally burn with pain.  For this type of reading I recommend:
  • Outlander by Diane Gabaldon
  • Timeline by Michael Crichton
  • Anything by Janet Evanovich
  • Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
  • Harry Potter
  • My Sister's Keeper by Judy Piccoult
  • ANYTHING by Barbra Kingsolver
  • Especially:
  • Animal Dreams
  • Prodigal Summer
  • Poisonwood Bible
  • The Davinci Code by Dan Brown
  • The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russell
  • Les Miserables by Victor  Hugo
  • Count of Monte Cristo by Victor Hugo

2.  Watching really good movies is a delight to me.  It's like melting chocolate on my tongue.  Again, guilty of staying awake faaaaaaaaaaar into the night to watch something that feeds my soul.  I have a huge fan of foreign film.  From my faves of American and foreign film I recommend:

  • Chocolat
  • Harry Potters
  • Lord of the Rings
  • The Cuckoo, Russian "Kukushka"
  • The Gabbeh, Iranian, "The Rug"
  • Devdas, Indian
  • Kuch Naa Kahoo, Indian, "Say No More"
  • Swades, Indian, Patriot
  • Umrao Jaan, Indian
  • The Clay Bird, Bangladesh
  • Travelers and Musicians, Bhutan
  • Zwartboek, German, "The Black Book"
  • Osama, Afghan
  • Malena, Italian
  • Il Postino, Italign, "The Postman"
  • Monsoon Wedding, Indian
  • Johan, the Netherlands
  • What's Eating Gilbert Grape
  • Creation
 ...Like that.

So, these are a few of my favorites.  The reason I am too sedentary. 
These days, we're all walking and riding more!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Homeschooling Through High School


My daughter and I have been working hard at creating a plan for her first year in high school. Yes, she is now a FRESHMAN!
We have pulled together a plan that includes these, her class choices for the first semester:
  • English 1
  • Pre-Algebra, Algebra 1
  • Physical Science
  • Writing for Publication
  • Civics
  • French 
  • Korean
  • Theater
She might have taken on more than she can handle.  On the other hand, she's been working hard on THEATER this summer and will have earned at least half of the requirements for that course by the end of August.
We sat down together to figure out which courses she would pursue and how she would pursue them.  We have come up with many interesting activities and with much cool work to fulfill requirements for each course.

We are determined and have done enough research and planning that we think this, her first semester of high school will be a success.  The internet has so many wonderful resources.  Here are a few that we plan on using:

http://how-to-learn-any-language.com/e/languages/korean/index.html
http://www.genkienglish.net/speakkorean/index.htm
http://www.learnkoreanlanguage.com/learn-korean-beginners.html
http://rki.kbs.co.kr/learn_korean/lessons/e_index.htm#
http://www.elsevier.com/framework_products/promis_misc/Writing_publications_thebasics.pdf
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/931935/writing_for_internet_publications_a.html?cat=35
http://www.collegeboard.com/student/plan/high-school/33.html
http://www.studentnewsdaily.com/
http://oklahomahomeschool.com/highsch.html
http://www.homeschoolcentral.com/high.htm
http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/online_hs.htm
http://www.sdcoe.net/score/cy912.html
http://www.hippocampus.org/

So, wish us luck.  
My daughter tends to prefer work that she can do with me. But she reads and writes very well independently. One of the first things we have been covering is good study skills, researching skills, and keeping focus when the going gets rough. Her problem isn't that she can't learn. It's that she doesn't want to learn. Keeping her focused and motivated is the REAL challenge. 
I know that she remains motivated when I stay involved. We are also instigating limits on all screen devices and all electronic devices. This will not be met with happiness and joy joy, but it is a necessary step towards getting good study habits back.
I do intend to remain her partner in the learning process. Why not?  It's a blast!

Friday, July 8, 2011

The Case Against Homeschooling




BLOG NOTE:  This piece gets more hits on this blog than any other post here.
If you are looking for a true argument AGAINST homeschooling, check out my other post:

 _____________________________________________________________________
I admit that I seldom spend any time reading the blogs of others. Certain SPECIAL people and friends only. I don't know, blogs tend to be too much like this one:  narcissistic, rambling, and more like stream-of-conscious therapy. But today I went looking at blogs. I was looking for an example of a seriously angry anti-homeschooling person. And I found them! I really just wanted a little fun and to mock them a bit. Is that so bad?
I decided that, for fun, I would simply respond to each criticism point-by-point. Just for fun.

The blog post is called "The Case Against Homeschooling". It was a bit vitriolic for some reason; seems the author is a teacher but that doesn't explain that because most of the teachers that I know are truly wonderful humans who love learning and who love children.
Anyway, mre are her "top ten reasons" why she is against what she calls "homeschooling: great for self-aggrandizing, society-phobic mother...but not quite so good for the kid."

HER WORDS are in Blue.
MY WORDS are in Red. 
Please check the links in BOLD.   
Separate bolded words are separate links.


10. “You were totally home schooled” is an insult college kids use when mocking the geeky kid in the dorm (whether or not the offender was home schooled or not). And… say what you will… but it doesn’t feel nice to be considered an outsider, a natural outcropping of being homeschooled.

There is this part of me what wants to be VERY snarky about obnoxious near-adults still teasing (aka "bullying") "geeky" kids while in an institution of higher learning, such as college.  However, I will rise above that.
Is she saying that homeschooling has a certain connotation to uninformed individuals and a homeschooled student risks facing immature behavior that we typically associate with elementary school bullies?
Yes, wow, that is a problem.
On the other hand, Many selective colleges welcome homeschooled perspective students with alacrity. Some reports suggest that the traditional brick-and-mortar university is beginning to change to nontraditional higher education studies.  And the HSLDA studies indicate significant success by homeschool students in the college milieu. Homeschool students tend to score higher on ACT tests and, while in school, tend to have higher GPA and earn more credit during their freshman year than the traditionally-schooled student. Some important people actually believe that "traditional school" is dying.

9. Call me old-fashioned, but a students’ classroom shouldn’t also be where they eat Fruit Loops and meat loaf (not at the same time I hope). It also shouldn’t be where the family gathers to watch American Idol or to play Wii. Students–from little ones to teens–deserve a learning-focused place to study. In modern society, we call them schools.

Sweetie, you're not "old-fashioned", you simply have a closed mind.
OOPs, snarky again?
My children, sometimes, DO have lessons where they have their breakfast and dinner. (Almost NEVER Fruit Loops and I'm a so-so meatloaf cook...) Also, we don't watch American Idol or any other reality TV show... We do like the Wii, though!
How can it possibly matter whether a meal was served on the same table that the math book is now sitting on? The same table that the dominoes were on last night. The same table that the kids used to play underneath for a fort. The same table that my mom lovingly gave me many years ago. And, when the books are out, that table IS a learning-focused place to study. 
Just to be clear, though, we also have a dedicated homeschool room with a lesson table, maps, books, etc. The kids far prefer lessons in alternative locations though, including that kitchen table. 

8. Homeschooling is selfish. According to this article in USA Today, students who get homeschooled are increasingly from wealthy and well-educated families. To take these (I’m assuming) high achieving students out of our schools is a disservice to our less fortunate public school kids. Poorer students with less literate parents are more reliant on peer support and motivation, and they  greatly benefit from the focus and commitment of their richer and higher achieving classmates.

Is this author suggesting that I should keep my children in under-staffed, under-financed, ailing schools?
This USA Today article, cited by the author goes on to state that the children often removed from public schools by their parents do so due to instances of  "mean" children in the schools, situations that schools are traditionally unable to handle.  
Is this author truly suggesting that my children should be in a public school in order to benefit the less-fortunate. Is that their job, to provide a successful educational experience for the other children in the class? Odd. 
Is this author suggesting that only the wealthy can homeschool? I, personally, know of dozens of families that homeschool on a dime, very frugally and very admirably. Homeschooling typically means that a family is now a single-income family, thereby increasing the financial instability of the family. (OR one of the many single parent households that manage to find a way to homeschool their children.)
In the meantime, the National Center for Education Statistics reports that the vast majority of people who choose to homeschool do it in direct response to concerns about the environment of the public school.
Additionally, the HSLDA asserts high instances of homeschoolers outperforming their public school peers.

If you COULD provide a better educational opportunity for your child, wouldn't you?

Not that I'm suggesting that these reputable news sources outshine the USA Today article the original blogger refers to...

Further, the St. Augustine.com, news page for the St. Augustine Times in Florida report, "Another benefit is to the taxpayers, as home schooling currently saves about six million dollars to the county." I have no idea where this stat came from. I like it, but I can't find the reference for it.
Also, as a public school alumni, I don't remember a single "higher achieving" student ever helping ME out as a kid..?

7. God hates homeschooling. The study, done by the National Center for Education Statistics, notes that the most common reason parents gave as the most important was a desire to provide religious or moral instruction. To the homeschooling Believers out there, didn’t God say “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations”? Didn’t he command, “Ye shall be witnesses unto me”? From my side, to take your faithful children out of schools is to miss an opportunity to spread the grace, power and beauty of the Lord to the common people. (Personally I’m agnostic, but I’m just saying…)


LOL, "personally I'm an agnostic, but I'm just saying". 
🙄
The cited USA Today article, (Can USA Today really be considered a primary source in most upper-level writing?) more and more families are claiming "social reasons" as the number one reason why they choose to homeschool their children. Again, the National Center for Education Statistics tells us that thirty percent of families who choose to homeschool do it with fervent belief that their spiritual needs will be better met outside of the public school setting. Who the heck is this author to suggest that she knows more about her god's mind than anyone else claims to know?

6. Homeschooling parent/teachers are arrogant to the point of lunacy. For real! My qualifications to teach English include a double major in English and education, two master’s degrees (education and journalism), a student teaching semester and multiple internship terms, real world experience as a writer, and years in the classroom dealing with different learning styles. So, first of all, homeschooling parent, you think you can teach English as well as me? Well, maybe you can. I’ll give you that. But there’s no way that you can teach English as well as me, and biology as well as a trained professional, and history… and Spanish… and art… and counsel for college as well as a school’s guidance counselor… and… and…


I'm CERTAIN this author meant to capitalize the words Homeschooling Parent, as it is used as a proper noun in this context...  What with her extensive credentials and all...
Certainly she had intended to write "you think you can teach English as well as I?"

I do NOT suggest that I, as a homeschooling parent, knows EVERYTHING. I don't intend to teach EVERYTHING to my child. What this author does not know (and can not know in her present frame of mind) is that homeschooling is far more about learning to learn than it is about spoon feeding bits of knowledge.

Homeschooling families have a major goal as that of Autonomous Learning. Autonomous education helps a person to develop their self-consciousness, vision, critical thinking, research skills, practicality, and freedom of discussion. These attributes serve to aid an individual, in this case, my children, in his or her independent learning.
As for the condemnation of lunatic arrogance, I do admit to being confident. I am a well-educated person, as is my husband. We are prepared to find out more, to continue to educate ourselves, and to correct ourselves when we are off-path.
Arrogance suggests that we already know everything. 
Even these schools would have to admit that they don't know everything.

5. As a teacher, homeschooling kind of pisses me off. (That’s good enough for #5.)

On the other hand, as a homeschooling parent, I have already expressed my true admiration for the good teachers of the world.  

The woman who authored this anti-homeschooling drivel is young.  She has much to learn; I have no doubt she will learn it. Overall, her writing suggests a defensiveness that tends to suggest insecurity in her own field. She will learn. I remember being this arrogant when I was young too.

4. Homeschooling could breed intolerance, and maybe even racism. Unless the student is being homeschooled at the  MTV Real World house, there’s probably only one race/sexuality/background in the room. How can a young person learn to appreciate other cultures if he or she doesn’t live among them?

Oh dear!  She did not. 
I just googled "racism in school" and got over seventeen MILLION hits.
Enough said there.

But just in case that ISN'T enough for you, Dear Reader, here is an article from education.com, the self-proclaimed go-to website for all things related to school news. This article frighteningly reports case after case in the legal system of serious and injurious cases of racism and bullying in schools across the country. Sadly, this article from the BBC reports a rise in bullying in the school systems in our country, in spite of anti-bullying campaigns.

Additionally, and more apros pro, our amazing homeschool group has member families from every single major religion, race, and culture. From Christians to Muslims, from Africans to Australians, from the extremely wealthy to the extremely frugal, from the traditional family structures to same sex couples to single parents to trans peoples, our homeschool group allows my kids to interact intimately with human beings from the spectrum of humanity.

3. And don’t give me this “they still participate in activities with public school kids” garbage. Socialization in our grand multi-cultural experiment we call America is a process that takes more than an hour a day, a few times a week. Homeschooling, undoubtedly, leaves the child unprepared socially.

Well, she got it right here. Socialization IS this "grand multi-cultural experiment we call America". And THAT'S where we, as homeschoolers ARE. It certainly DOES take more than an hour a day. That is why, sadly, public schooling can leave children socially unprepared for "real life". Homeschoolers, after their three or four hours in lessons, are left with lots of time to actively volunteer and participate in the wonderful cultural activities of their hometowns, state, and nation.

2. Homeschooling parents are arrogant, Part 2. According to Henry Cate, who runs the Why Homeschool blog, many highly educated, high-income parents are “probably people who are a little bit more comfortable in taking risks” in choosing a college or line of work. “The attributes that facilitate that might also facilitate them being more comfortable with home-schooling.” 

Codicil to previous statement that homeschooling parents are, in fact, confident rather than arrogant: Not one parent has ever started homeschooling without reading, studying, learning, preparing, and becoming the best homeschooling parents possible. These are OUR CHILDREN.

If  homeschool didn't work, we wouldn't do it.
Each year I grow more secure, more confident that this works.  Why? Because I'm so sure I am right? 
NO! Because the proof is sitting in front of me...at the table with the meatloaf. And because I continue to educate myself.
Also, Blogger, don't blame me for your willful misinterpretation of The author's use of the word "gamble" in the article to which you refer...

1.  And finally… have you met someone homeschooled? Not to hate, but they do tend to be pretty geeky.

But, in general, to be geeky connotes a certain inability to integrate and communicate in diverse social situations. Which, I would argue, is a likely result of being educated in an environment without peers. It’s hard to get by in such a diverse world as ours! And the more people you can hang out with the more likely you are to succeed, both in work life and real life.

There is no doubt that this author will come to retract these egregiously unkind and bullying words as she learns more about the institution to which she has just committed her life.
 
Did she really call my kids "geeks"?

This website reports of several old studies of homeschoolers and socialization. The overall findings of the studies were paraphrased by the author: The social skills of the homeschooled child will usually be superior to the social skills of the the privately or publicly schooled child. Say good-by to the myths about homeschooling and socialization! Here is a newer site with lots of great information on schooling outside of the "norm".
She might be a BIT biased.

Here are a few current studies to put this dang SOCIALIZATION question to bed.
And I can state here, unequivocally, socialization is one of the major reasons why we started homeschooling! And it's still a good reason! 

What criticisms really "get your goat"?
What do YOU really think about homeschooling?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

UPDATE 02/07/2012):
A post on another blog was written in response to this one and I know you will love it.
Check it out at:  http://stagbeetlepower.blogspot.com/2012/02/feral-fridays-rantin-at-homeschool 


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you enjoyed this post you may also like to read:
Homeschooling and Socialization

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Why I Accept your Beliefs as Valid For You

 

I know the people out there who are the "Angry Atheists".  I do not count myself among them and, further, I resent their verbosity in many forums.  Their fury and  antagonism, while I see their angle, and do not disagree, I find it objectionable that many messages from these fuming folks have no way to discuss their points of view without disparaging and disdaining that which rings true for others.
I'm not talking about the confident and vociferous atheist; these I admire!

I sometimes wish I had that fervor.  Especially when I witness ludicrous and insistent statements, pronouncements, or events that are so blatantly of malicious intent.

I am a very proud atheist.

I would describe myself as very loving, open, intelligent, and kind.  I have absolutely no desire to debate you.
If your beliefs are dearly-held, fine for you.  Mine are clearly- and dearly-held as well.  There is no part in me that wishes to kill  your value system simply because it is different from mine.

I DO believe that religion, the power and control thereof, is uniquely poised to create many schisms between groups and I can see that history has proven this divisiveness to be lethal in the extreme.
In most people's heart, however, it is well-meaning.
Saying this is very difficult.  I am weighing each word I use because my family and I have also experienced many instances of hatred, judging, and painful negativity from the very realm that I am sitting here defending.
In my deepest heart, I wish religion truly would do that which it claims to do.  Create peace and kindness and loving people.
In the meantime, I appreciate that there are people who truly believe that it does and who embrace their faith with good hearts.

"The chief deficiency I see in the skeptical movement is its polarization: 
Us vs. Them — the sense that we have a monopoly on the truth; 
that those other people who believe in all these stupid doctrines are morons; that if you're sensible, you'll listen to us; 
and if not, to hell with you. 
This is nonconstructive. It does not get our message across. 
It condemns us to permanent minority status."

- Carl Sagan, "The Demon-Haunted World:  Science as a Candle in the Dark"


Thursday, June 30, 2011

GOING VIRAL



What is not  "going viral" these days? A baseball catch, a baby cry, a puppy bark, a rude person...  The list is endless. Today it's a horrible email that a bride-to-be received from her future mother-in-law. There is, truly, no end to the rudeness that people will perpetrate.

Going viral doesn't have the significance that it aspires to have.

Why is it that obnoxious people and major accidents always seem to draw the audience? As yet I haven't seen a kick-ass lecture or a beautiful soprano solo "go viral". It's odd the things that people flock to view or to experience.

Just because a million people read Sarah Palin's emails today doesn't mean their roving interests won't be caught by what Avril wore tomorrow. People's interests are capricious and always on the look out for the next invidious moment of a friend or foe. 

Some people seem to actually seek attention on the "viral" front.  Which, ironically, makes them FAR less interesting than people who are more private. (and far more talented, as it happens.)

Anyway, my point is that I have heard of about ten things just this week that have "gone viral" and, so far, it hasn't made me stand up and take notice.
So, take THAT Good Morning America.

And so, on that morning when you ask me if I saw that funny beer commercial or did I watch "The Voice" or did I see that the pope tweeted, I will tell you emphatically, NO, I did not.
I'm not interested in what is "viral" today!!!!!

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Letting Myself Go


If you're wearing anything ironed or matching, please skip to the next blog post.  This post will not interest you.
Now, for the rest of us, we've let ourselves go and I'm the worst in the bunch!

Somehow, between the birth of my first child and today I have done what I swore swore swore I would never do. I have Let Myself Go. I no longer "do" hair or make up. I haven't touched an eyebrow brush since the Clinton administration and my mascara has expired. I haven't worn anything higher than knee highs in years. Even as I type with my four long nails, five short nails, and one fungal nail, I realize that it was a fairly fast slide down the slippery slope.
I haven't used the word "primp" in relation to myself in over a decade.

I think Kirstie Alley looks fine!

The thought that I've "LET MYSELF GO" occurred to me the other day when I had to pick my daughter up at the mall. For whatever reason, I had to get out of the car to meet her inside. As I stepped out of the car, I realized that I was wearing yellow capris (not cute ones), my husband's T, and a slouchy pair of socks with those attractive blue rubber shoes. I won't mention the clippy in my hair, put there without looking into a mirror.
As I walked toward the front door, I saw a shadow inside the store see me and hide! Entering the door, I called, "Honey, I see you!  There, behind the push-up bras! Come out, Mommy is here to take you home!"

I was reading an article online the other day where Kate Hudson confessed that she had "let herself go". She's standing there with perfectly highlighted hair, silvery blue eyeshadow applied perfectly, and a gold necklace around her neck. I thought, if THAT'S "let go", I'm in trouble!
At least her white shirt (my grey one, used  to be white) shirt doesn't have food stains down the front and her cute little coat there isn't missing two buttons...
Her face looks clean...what's the problem?!
Still, I feel bad for the woman, having to go through life looking like that! And she doesn't even have access to Muscles, AHEM, Matthew McConaughey anymore? I can give her some time to deal with that one.
Sob.

So, I'm going to move this package of cookies aside, wipe off the crumbs, pull up my sweat pants, and hit the bicycle path! Listen, I can do this! I even shaved below the knee last night! I have enough bras that I could change each day (or so) and I have a full bottle of my favorite dandruff shampoo.
I can't wait to recognize myself in the mirror again!

I'm going!  ...In a sec...as long as I can wear a ponytail...

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Those Who Can't



Something that has been on my mind. You know the old (and untrue) saying "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach."
WELL, I have observed some amazing people in the last few days and I would change that saying completely to: Some of those who can, do. Some of those who can, simply have to share their gift with love.
Thank You to the great teachers!



I'm not just saying this because my sister is about to get her teaching certificate. I'm saying this because my sister is about to get her teaching certificate and she is AMAZING. She can do her job WELL. She can do many things extremely well. She she wants to teach. Because she wants to share that with people who are interested in "getting " it. It makes me even more proud the woman that she is. She and I have, in the past, read books together and she has enabled me to see literature in a totally new and enlightened way. She is amazing!

Also, I'm saying this because my son is in a gymnastics class with some of the best instructors you can imagine! The last four men who have taught his various gymnastics classes certainly CAN compete and have competed. Each of them, in their own ways, are superior in their field. And they choose to teach, to pass their beloved hobby, skills, and passion on to the kids who are interested in it.

Also, one last person, my second grade teacher, MRS. BIESEGEL. She was such a good teacher that I STILL think fondly of her!


And so, I offer my new and improved axiom for teachers:

Some of those who can, do.  Some of those who can, simply have to share their gift with love.
 
And, speaking as a homeschooling parent, I can promise you, teaching is completely a labor of love.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Grateful, Full of Grate?

 

There is a calmness to a life lived in gratitude, a quiet joy.
— Ralph H. Blum

Gratitude means thankfulness, noticing simple pleasures, and acknowledging what you receive. It means learning to live your life as if what you are given isn't a...given.

What if everyone were to do it?

What if everyone were to be aware that they have PLENTY.  That people are there for them.  That the earth provides.  What if we began to notice the niceties of life?  The bagger at the grocery store.  The guy or gal who delivers your mail, rain or shine.  The person who restocks the shelves.  The kid who remembers to close the gate.  The spouse who cleans the hair out of the drain after every shower.  The child who remembers to call when they "get there".  That aunt who always remembers to send you a birthday card.  The kind stranger who smiles instead of frowns when you accidentally cut them off on the road.  That hydrangea that renews itself with the rain.

Studies show that being GRATEFUL can actually improve one's life by making it happier, by making one more resilient, by strengthening relationships, by reducing stress, by improving health!  It's a win-win situation.
It seems likely that having a positive approach to life, that expressing your gratitude, and that thinking positively is the key to living a satisfied and fulfilling life.


So, what about that child in your life who is NOT grateful.  They are the Eeyore we all know and love.  Certainly most families have an Eeyore.  The child for whom the glass is always "half empty".  The child who seems to see the gloom, the negative, the things wrong with their day.
If you have one of these children, you know just what I mean. You fear for their ability to enjoy life, to sustain, to persevere, to be happy!  And grateful.


Eeyore, the old grey Donkey, stood by the side of the stream, and looked at himself in the water.
"Pathetic," he said. "That's what it is. Pathetic."
He turned and walked slowly down the stream for twenty yards, splashed across it, and walked slowly back on the other side. Then he looked at himself in the water again.
"As I thought," he said. "No better from this side. But nobody minds. Nobody cares. Pathetic, that's what it is."
Winnie the Pooh

Eeyore doesn't WANT to be gloomy.  It is his nature to be so.
If you have a child in your life who has difficulty finding the gratitude, it IS possible to gently remind them to look on the brighter side.

It is true that, if you look for the positive, you will find it.  If you look for the negative, well, you will find that too.  Both are there every day.  The child with those grey-colored glasses will have a difficult time seeing the good, bright, happy, positive, sunny.  It is their nature.  Studies prove that some people are genetically predisposed to a lower rate of "happy".  
Therefore, we have proven, in our own family, that those who, by nature, have a difficult time achieving happiness can use these three activities to sort of short-circuit the negativity and deliberately seek happiness.


First, a child (or adult) who struggles to find sunshine can purposefully take the time to seek gratitude situations.  Certainly, this person will be able to identify the things in the day that were not pleasing.  With practice, this person will also be able to locate moments or events that are, truly, good.   Given the reminder, the displeased person can deliberately use their eyes in a new way...with the intention of seeking the goodness or the pleasantness.  It helps to have a guide.  
 With the child in our family who identifies strongly with this propensity to view the world through pessimism and cynicism, we have noticed that her ability to identify moments of gratitude have increased with practice, with assistance.


Secondly, when a child takes the time to think of others, they can't help but feel good.  I have noticed my child recently giving out compliments and smiles...of her own free will!  After doing so, she were heard to say "I feel great when I compliment someone!"
My beloved child learned that an improved sense of well-being came from this selflessness.  Ironic.

And, finally, expressive writing!  We have learned that writing about "self" creates a thoughtful environment for more reflection.  For a purposeful evaluation of the day.  For finding satisfaction with the day.  For goal setting.

All of these activities require a deliberate approach to "finding" happiness.  And, therefore, to "finding" gratitude.

I have a sign on the wall in our home that reads:  

Being happy is not the result of being happy.  
Being happy is the result of being grateful.


THEREFORE, the original point of my blog post today, giving assist to the difficult-to-satisfy person to locate SATISFACTION in life!  The solution is to live a deliberate life.  And to PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE!
Loving a person who has difficulty locating the pleasure and fulfillment in life is a day-to-day job of parenting deliberately.

I have to add one more thing about parenting this child.  Ever since I became aware of the "naturalness" of her negativity, I have learned to give her a great deal of freedom to express her moods, her dramatically swinging moods.  We frequently discuss the thought patterns that contribute to the gloomy moments.  In doing this, she has become aware that she is "allowed" to be the person she is as well as to assist her to find that person she wishes to be.  I try to truly LISTEN to her, even when she is one hundred percent negative.  Because that negativity is very real to her.  I remind her that her very strong feelings are valid and cared for.  I see the rare moment when the sun shines through..!  
And, most important, I am giving her the tools she will need as an adult dealing with these same issues.


Saturday, June 4, 2011

"They" Want "Us"

It had come to my attention that homeschoolers are being "wooed", "lured" if you wish, by the public schools.
My reply to this article was along the lines of "You can't put lipstick on a pig."
Article with public schools seeking to entice homeschooers to "sign up"