Second Dem Debate: As We See It

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What a crazy, frightening, emotional week it has been here on the globe. From the ongoing violence in Syria to Paris to Turkey to the debate stage in Iowa, our family has spent so much time figuring out how to manage, address, and move forward from action on the global stage. Tonight John and I are watching the Democratic Presidential Debate on youtube, the debate that aired live this past weekend.  #Demdebate

When John and I watched the Republican debate a few weeks ago I kept a running report of comments that John made. I don't know about you, but I found his thoughts and comments interesting and it was fun to share that. SO, just to be fair I am doing the same thing tonight:

I'm for Bernie!

• On O'Malley and the minimum wage: You know, I like him.
• I feel like this debate has been a lot more respectful than the other one because they have not ragged on one another but there has been debate of the issues.
• I love Bernie Sanders and his words and sound bites. If I was of voting age I might consider voting for him at this point in the game, but Hillary really does sound like she knows what is going on; she sounds presidential.
• To Hillary: She is a bitch though.
• On O'Malley:  I like him, he has things that I agree on, but I can't see his personality in the White House.
• On Clinton:  No thanks.
• I like Bernie; I'm a fan. I came into this debate liking him and I'm going out of it liking him more, now I feel more informed. Hillary does not impress me. I have a hard time trusting her.
• When I compare the Democratic debate with the Republican debate, I'm so impressed with the leadership offered by the Democrats.
• Sanders really has the support of the young; my generation loves him.

Did you watch with your kids?
What did they think?

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Giving out the Thanks

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This year, as in years past, I am doing a thing on Facebook where I post a thing that I am grateful for. Each day I post a new one. I'm sure you've seen this type of post; I copied it off of someone else years ago.

I make it a point to give thanks to a specific person or thing to show that my gratitude is directed to the actual provider or facilitator of that which deserves my gratitude. This focus is super easy and natural once you get the hang of it.

For those of you interested in joining me in this family project, here is today's post just to give you an idea of the type of thing I might post. Make it a personal project or make it a family project. Feel free to grab my Thankful November meme and use it...or make one yourself!

THANKFUL NOVEMBER:
So, yeah, the holidays and some birthdays are coming and loved ones are asking the kids "What do you want?"
The kids' answer: I don't want anything.

We just have enough, you know?
We have all come to this kind of consensus where we realize that THINGS and STUFF don't fill the space. Owning the objects don't bring fulfillment. Getting another doodad or bit of stuff doesn't actually mean much.
But TIME. We realize that TIME is the greatest display of love that there is.

What do we want?
We want to be with you. For your time, we are truly thankful.

Doing the Civics 1: Homeschooling Freshman High School

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John and I have been working on what we generally think of as high school Freshman course work. English and Writing, Biology, JAVA, Algebra, Literature, and Civics. He has several other projects that he is working on on his own also: a writing project, some game development, and some online video blogging. I've got Civics on My Own Mind this evening.

I've already talked about how our trip last year to Philadelphia fueled his interest in American History (We'd love to get to Boston, DC, and the beautiful state of Virginia soon) and that interest of his has made it so easy to "teach" American history to him because he cares! Because he can relate to the place and the time now. John has figured out that the events of the past really do matter in today's world. What a lucky kid John is. Imagine if, when you were learning Civics, you got to visit the actual location of the events that you were learning about!

I feel like the coolest mother with the coolest partner in the world...because we get to give these experiences to our child. And this kid appreciates them! I am fully aware that my privilege is showing when I say this because I come from a place of want. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for my husband's brain and excellent business acumen that allows us to have these extra special opportunities.

Anyway, we are using a Civics textbook that I bought on Amazon.com. The textbook is Civics: Government & Economics in Action by Prentice Hall Publishers, Third Edition, 2007. I got it used from Amazon for less than $15.00. We also use the many online resources at our disposal from whitehouse.gov to the many, many excellent videos on youtube. Today we watched videos about Shay's Rebellion and the 1787 Constitutional Convention.

Why am I mentioning this?
Because John is not the only teen living in this house. My daughter is also here and we also have a teen friend living with us.
Today during our lessons today John and I were watching a video on youtube by a teacher named Keith Hughes. Mr. Hughes has been teaching for over fifteen years and he is engaging as heck! I know because the other teens in this house were so entertained by him that we all watched several of his videos in a row...voluntarily!  LOL

While we also LOVE John Green's Crash Courses, I personally find that they move super fast; they are entertaining, but DENSE. We do watch the Crash Courses on occasion because John Green is amazing.

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My Best Days as a Mom

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You know how it is. Those infant days are tough. The toddler days are exhausting. The school age days are challenging. The teen years are labyrinthine. When I look at any day of being a mother my senses become overloaded and each day comes at me and says "And you thought it would never end" yet, they end...

I have to admit that I have found so many days of being a mother have been taxing. I think I really don't adult very well. Yet remembering any single day, November game night or late summer camp outs or April rain days, brings such a tide of overwhelming love. Other emotions too. Having so many days behind me seems...impossible. How can these days have moved so quickly when so many of them seemed inexorably slow?

When I started thinking about this post, about trying to figure out my favorite day as a parent, I realized right away that there is really not a way to name a favorite date. Every single day has its beauty. Every single day have those moments of exquisite perfection. Or that moment of wanting to crumble down to the floor as you repeat over and over I am trying, I am trying, I am trying.

Liz and John with Uncle Mike

Yes, being a parent is a strange trip. Seeing the many, many, many different lifestyles and parenting styles, too, is something that I didn't quite appreciate until recently. I used to envy so many other moms. In the early days I was too busy learning and modeling and comparing that I didn't get to the conclusions that most families are unique and complete and adequate and that most parents are doing their best in the moment; no one is a professional parent.

And now, here I am, looking back at perfect days. How did that time fly?

So these two days, one alone with Elizabeth and one alone with John, are very different from one another. You might be shocked with one of them. But each of these days, in their own way, was a perfect day.

Elizabeth's' Day

One day when our family was visiting Melbourne, Victoria, Australia from our home in Brisbane, Queensland, Australia Elizabeth and I took a train south on a crazy errand. See, we were big fans of the Aussie TV show Australia's The Voice. Both Elizabeth and I were crushing on the winner of the 2013 season of that show, Harrison Craig...well, mostly Elizabeth. When we knew that our family was making the trip down to Melbourne, Harrison's hometown, I contacted the high school that he graduated from and told them a story.

I told them that we were an American family moving to Melbourne and we were looking for a high school for my daughter to attend. Further, my daughter and I wanted to visit the school for a prospective student tour.

Joy on the beach.

When we visited Melbourne, we toured Harrison Craig's high school. We made up crazy stories and told them to the faculty at that school. We saw his pictures and classroom and hallways and theater and parking lot and cricket pitch. We laughed and laughed. Elizabeth and I then went to the beach nearest his home (where ever his house is) and played on the beach. She danced in the wind and the sand until she collapsed in satisfaction and joy on Mornington Peninsula, Sandringham.

She was in stalker fangirl heaven.

Today when she tells that story, she looks at me with such love in her eyes. I blush a little and I hope that whoever is hearing the story recognizes that I was loving my daughter so much on that day.

John John's Day

Inde-fricking-pendence Hall

The next best day was a day that John and I spent in Philadelphia. He and I are YES people. Wanna try something new? YES. Wanna go there? YES. Wanna see that show? YES. Wanna go on an adventure? YES. Let's talk to those people. YES. So when he and I travel together we have a fantastic time.

Philadelphia is a destination that I have always wanted to visit and John was game. Perfect weather, a complete lack of a schedule, unlimited resources, we just did whatever we wanted to do. His huge smile and constant hugs make that day this History Lover's favorite day!

John appreciated Independence Hall and the Liberty Bell and Benjamin Franklin history and Betsy Ross's House with me and, soon, he was as infatuated with the city as I was. There is nothing like seeing your love catch fire and be reflected in the eyes of your gorgeous child.

It's a GIFT

Jhevaunte and John

The truth is, I could have picked any number of days for this exercise. So many days when the light in their eyes or the love in their heart was burning for me. Being the mother to these two children is a freaking GIFT, something I could never have predicted for myself so long ago when those other moms really seemed to do it better. 

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My Children are being Raising in a Religion-Free Home
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Atheist Parent: Patheos

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The Day I was on Patheos.

Atheist parenting blogger Wendy Thomas Russell 
was kind enough to allow me
to guest post on her blog on Patheos a few months ago.
It was pretty exciting for me to have a blogger such as Wendy
to use my writing on Patheos.
I thought that it was time to share it with you.

I’m not sure why most people start blogging; I assume it has something to do with feeling they have something they need to work out or that they need to say. My own reason for starting my blog was fairly unclear to me in the beginning, though I knew that it had alot to do with my disappointment with Facebook.

On Facebook, I found it impossible to post my real beliefs about our family’s lifestyle. I got so much negative feedback on Facebook and, yet, I felt the need to be honest about my beliefs.

You see, I do not debate. If you have a differing opinion or point of view, I generally reply “Oh, okay.” But that’s not always enough. Some of my Facebook “friends” were putting me in positions where I had to explain what they would never be capable of even considering.

In February of 2010 I started blogging for peace of mind. I needed it, the peace, the accepting white page, the welcoming expanse of freedom on blogspot. As time went on, I realized that I actually did have a larger mission for my blog: to confront the ridiculous stereotypes of atheists in this country. I felt the need to join the few, brave voices with the courage to stand proudly in this atheist lifestyle.

These days I have made it my mission to blog and broadcast about secular parenting. Celebrating the liberating secularity, encouraging those blazing new trails, and exploring the little niches of our lives. It matters to me, and I hope my voice means something to someone out there — both on my blog called My Own Mind blog and on my YouTube show called The Secular Parents.

Being an atheist parent is, in some ways, like blazing a new trail. The Christian parenting books are piled high, while secular parenting websites and reading materials are still in their infancy. In fact, atheist authors are seldom welcomed by larger publishers and are 
self-publishing… support them! Happily, the road is widening and getting easier to find. More and more, secular parenting groups and entities are online. And the content is less and less about debating or insulting believers and more about the wonderful journey of secular parenting.

Atheist Parenting

Atheist and secular families have the exact same struggles as every other family in the world, with an addition of several others.

First, we have no religious stories to feed our children or with which to comfort ourselves in our distress. Instead, we have truth and questions and natural explanations. Very often, we are first-gen freethinkers and have nothing from our past to build on. No wonder we often feel so alone and unsupported. The road is ours to blaze and, in the beginning, that is terrifying. Eventually, that trailblazing is a treasure.

Second, we deal with having our families and our small children being treated with derision, hatefulness, intolerance and anger. I mean, how often have you had to explain cruel “hell” comments to your children… without passing along a similar intolerance to them? Who, among us, hasn’t had to face our sweet children after someone dared tell them that they are “of the devil” or “going to hell”? I don’t know how long this particular battle will be so culturally sanctioned, but I know some wonderful Christian families who openly and courageously fight this intolerance.

And third, atheist and freethinking parents are blazing trails in ethics that make me proud to join them. I have never been a black-and-white thinker. The world is astonishingly complex and fruitful and requires the ability to appreciate all of those lovely smoky oyster shades of grey. Yes, we are free and inspired to view the known and unknown facets of the world with awe and unabashed wonder.

These days, unlike in my old Facebook days, I don’t feel much need to thrash around in frustration about how atheists are treated — though I feel it deeply. Instead, I’m here to celebrate being an atheist and to, hopefully, inspire my viewers and my blog readers to let their own lights shine.

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Homeschool Lesson Today: The Third Republican Presidential Debate

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The Third Republican Presidential Debate was over a week ago, and we are finally getting to watching it. John and I spent a good deal of time figuring out what is means to be a Republican, what are the Republican planks and the Republican platform, and what to look for in a debate situation. 

John is almost 15; he doesn't have a great deal of interest in government at this point, but he does notice the whirlwind of news and issues, most of which he doesn't understand and, therefore, doesn't follow.

The following are comments made my John as he views the debate:

• Wow, don't even answer the question, just bullshit us why don't you? No one is even answering the question so far except for one person.
• How is it that the moderators are correcting the nominees?
• (Trump) What a bitch. He's such a piece of shit.
• (Moderators) Mom, What's your opinion on taxes...Mother, we need to move on! Mom, stop, you have no more time, you are saying too much, there is no time to talk now, we are moving on, your time is up. Nevermind, Mom, Mom, Mom, we don't want to know.
• (Rubio) I've seen worse.
• (Fiorina) Ugh...I can't listen...I don't like her.
• Here's why we don't trust the media, they are comic book.
• (Cruz) He gave you time to answer the question and you chose to not answer it.
• What does "entitlement" mean?
• Why is he criticizing the congress? Isn't the congress mostly Republican?
• Thank you, Donald Trump.
• (Rubio) I think I'd vote for this guy if I was Republican, which I am NOT.
• (Cruz) Your plan is to have less support for working women, but you haven't mentioned that. Is that your clear plan?
• Are they cherry picking these statistics? (On poverty for women)
• (On Carson on LGBT issues) Yes, the gay community thinks I am a homophobe. Um, Sir, if you can't abide equal marriage rights, then you are a homophobe.
• Mom, I don't want to watch these people anymore.

Well, he's not brilliant on politics...YET!

He was very interested in the debate and felt like he learned alot. He admits that he hears so much on the radio news that he didn't understand and now he thinks he'll understand more. Better still, John asked alot of good questions and since we were watching on youtube we could pause the debate and do research.

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A Quiet Exit Strategy

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According to the research published in the June 2014 issue of the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, it turns out that the emotions expressed by friends on Facebook are contagious. Yes, our moods are affected by our online social media interactions.

I've noticed it; have you?
I am kind of massively empathic, though. I am ridiculously in-tuned to vibes and non-verbals and such and I have found myself having to simply turn off the PC and get away from the negativity on social media; it's like a virus. It's contagious. 

Although so many people that I care about are online friends, I'm going to start changing my Facebook and social media behavior. I admit that it is already a problem of being a time suck, of wasting my precious time, but I'm wondering how a change in my social media use will impact my mood. I'm hoping it will be a good thing. But how does one close the door on social media without also closing the window on one's friends?

My prediction is that my friends of proximity and convenience (about 339 of them) will disappear while my few true friendships (about five of them) will stay the same. Three cheers for purposeful and positive interactions with human beings. I have to own that friendships are super easy on Facebook. Check in, scroll, like a few posts, and you've done your job for the day. Facebook really fits my inner lazy person...maybe even my inner introvert.

To make matters more complicated, in my dealings with my show on SecularTv on Youtube I use many aspects of social media for research and for marketing. So...hmmmm.

My plan is to use FB only for instant messaging (as I use that daily for contact with my family and friends and for work) and for work- or show-related postings. I will keep blogging but I won't be on Pinterest or posting blog posts anywhere. Also, one caveat, I plan on continuing my gratitude project on Facebook for the month of November since I'm committed to that this year. Come December though...!

What will change for me?
How will this experiment affect my children? How will my life change? Will many people on Facebook even notice? I doubt it, I'm sure I only notice a handful of people who wisely decide to opt out of social media.

Here goes.

It'll be a quiet change for the month of November and an even quieter exit in December. How will I survive without knowing what cause is IN or OUT today?


Addendum:
I read this just today, Nov 3, 2015.

Once upon a time I thought that in an open forum of ideas, 

people would genuinely care about discussing ideas to further their own understanding. 

Yet what I see repeatedly on Facebook is that when a person encounters a differing opinion,

 it is met with scorn and derision regardless of how respectfully it may be presented.

Now I am forced to wonder if people ever had proper discourse. 

It is making me rethink the Parthenon.

'Given the geometry of the earths shadow on the moon,

 I theorize that the earth must be round.'

'You're so stupid we should sterilize you to keep it from spreading.'

Stay classy, humans."

LOVE it!

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A Little of This, A Little of That

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In my life this week…

This week has been completely focused on the kids. Everyone is quite busy with their activities and I am the lucky one who gets to spend lots of one-on-one time with each teen in this house. Elizabeth is, again, working on a show at her college and she has been in rehearsals every night. She's digging what she's doing and she has lots going on with friends. She and I also talked about what her schedule for next semester might look like. She needs to really think about how to manage her time wisely so that she can be productive without feeling burned out if she's going to be involved in the spring theater production.

Jhevaunte is thinking about some upcoming travel to his hometown in Arizona to visit his family. There has been some family news that is bothering him so we've been processing some of that.

John and I have worked on lessons this week. But most of our time has been working on some emotional stuff and just having fun together. We went bowling one day and I was pretty impressed with him there. We are planning on going roller skating, ice skating, and climbing again soon. Now that the haunted house job is ending he will have some energy during the day again.

I've also been blogging, doing a show on SecularTv, and creating some lessons for John.

OH, and it's my birthday today.

The kids at my birthday dinner

In our homeschool this week…

John has been completing an algebra workbook on his own. I'm amazed that he can do that. Srsly. He and I have been doing freshman Civics as well as some American History and biographies to go along with it, for a more fully-developed frame to understand the Civics material. Because of our visit to Philadelphia last year, John finds the Declaration of Independence and all of that really interesting. I find the wording of that document truly inspired.

Places we’re going and people we’re seeing…

I feel like we are always on the go...hmmmm...what are we doing? Just yesterday John and I drove almost a hundred miles round trip to pick up his girlfriend and to take her home so that they could hang out for Halloween...and for a scary movie night. Also a few other friend visits.

My favorite things this week were…

Time spent with my husband this morning, one-on-one time with Elizabeth, then John John, then JD. We did a fun photo shoot for the boys in a cemetery so that we could use a photo editing bit of software to create creepy pics.

I’m reading…

I'm reading several things. I'm reading a specialty National Geographic magazine on the Roman Empire. On my Nook ereader I am reading a book that is a collection of Ovid's letters, all of which are amazing to read in conjunction with the National Geographic as Ovid was a Roman writer of the first century CE. I am also reading a book called Lies My Teacher Told Me: Everything Your American History Textbook Got Wrong by James W. Loewen. That title is a book that corrects the many, many, many misrepresentations and lies in revisionist history textbooks. Fantastic read! 
Possibly a Must Read!  

A photo, video, link, or quote to share…

When asked why he was so happy, Jhevaunte replied:
You need a reason to be depressed but you don't need a reason to be happy!

The Stages of Losing Your Religion

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I wrote this post about seven years ago 

and never actually posted it. 

My writing style is different 

and my references are old...lol...

but I put alot of work into it back then 

and I think it's worth posting; 

so here it is:

Ok, first of all I just want to preface this by saying that these are my personal observations. I am not making any claim towards what the "right" way to deconvert is nor am I laying exclusive claim to the means of deconversion. Not everyone goes through every phase and not every phase is significant to all deconverts. I am just writing what I observe, if you think I'm full of shit, feel free to say so. I've used some quotes from deconversion stories posted on some Facebook boards.

Phases of Deconversion:

Phase 0 - The pre-deconversion

ATHEST

This step really isn't a step at all. This is just the generalized time before deconversion. In this phase I was 100% committed to my belief, I called myself a christian, I thought of myself as a christian, I knew all the ways to answer all the questions about my faith and the idea of not being a christian had yet to enter my mind. This phase could be brief or quite lengthy, but it is characterized by the complete lack of questioning about your faith. You may be confronted about your faith by others, and you respond with all the "right" answers, but you yourself have yet to put your belief under the microscope. In fact, I remember someone asking me to explain the fossils and I said that God placed them there to test our faith! Some can go their whole lives without ever leaving this state, but we are talking about deconversion here, so on to phase 1.

Phase 1 - Curiosity Killed the Cat

This is what I would consider to be the real first step toward deconversion: The point at which you might first examine your own faith. Now, this can come about in many ways. For some questioners, their zeal for discovering more about their religion leads them to examine themselves, ironically enough this quest for a greater faith leads them towards a lesser (or non-existent) one. For others, this questioning process is brought about by the inquiries of others. One particularly poignant question becomes the seed from which reason sprouts. Others still may find that in their increased knowledge of the natural world, they find things in conflict or even contradiction to their previously held beliefs. Sadly, many... far too many come to this step through tragedy or hardship, when the question isn't about religion per se, but about the nature of god itself. "How could god let this happen?" or "Why would he let this happen to us" or such questions simply cannot be answered to any satisfaction.

There are many other ways this questioning process can be kicked off, but the point is that at some point the walls around your faith that protected it from introspection begin to yield. I have a suspicion that most believers encounter this phase of deconversion at least once in their life of faith, though most find cause to ignore or suppress it. The bible itself warns against such questioning. The entire apologetics industry is designed to push phase 1ers back to phase 0, as demonstrated by the fact that anyone well into their deconversion (not to mention anyone of other faiths or non-faiths) find apologetic arguments laughable or downright insulting.

As Alucard wrote on FB, on Feb 3 2008, 02:37 AM:

Fast forward nearly 10 years and after countless debates on the subjects of the bible and creation science i noticed myself doing something ive never done before, i started becoming troubled by the atrocities in the bible, in particular the OT.

one day while reading the old testament i came to a passage where god commanded saul to kill everyone in a town, including women and children. this deeply disturbed me i thought to myself how could a loving god order the murder of those who could not defend themselves, not just the women but also that of innocent children.

thespankguy, on Feb 3 2008, 11:27 PM, wrote:

After that, I was sitting in my second astronomy class where I learned so much that was almost contradictory to what I had learned growing up. Over the course of the rest of the class, I added all the new knowledge on the size of the universe and how we are all "star dust" to things I learned in the previous classes. This began rational thinking in my life.

Phase 2 - The Quest for Answers

Ok, so now you've got a mind full of questions... or maybe just one or two particularly persistent ones. Who has the answers? For most early questioners, the first place we look is also the least helpful, religion. We scour the bible, meet with our pastor, call up our strong christian brothers and sisters. We peruse christian message boards and we read christian literature. So careful are we to avoid any secular literature for fear that it may seek to lead us away from our faith. The answer-seekers are convinced that they are still trying to save their faith, to fortify it with godly answers. This phase is characterized by one emotion: Fear.

It is a particular brand of fear, I can liken it most to the feeling of being lost. Like you were hiking in the woods and lose your bearings, all of the sudden you are struck by this sense of "I don't know where I am." Luckily for you, you are surrounded by others and can simply ask for directions. Unfortunately the answers you get are thoroughly unsatisfying. In fact, sometimes your questions aren't answered at all, but rather turned around onto you as some sort of flaw in your faith. You are told to consult the tour guide, but he just tells you to stay with the flock, and go read your guidebook. You check your guidebook but it barely seems to make sense anymore; "What the hell are these guys talking about palm trees for? I'm in the Rocky Mountains!"

In your search to find slightly more satisfying answers, you find a secular source. It may be by accident, a non-religious friend or relative, or it may be on purpose under the guise of curiosity, such as stumbling onto exchristians.net, but nonetheless you find someone, somewhere, who will actually answer your questions. However, far from sealing this one tiny leak in your otherwise unsinkable faith-tanic, you are spurred on to new questions, until you inevitably find yourself at "the" question, and the answer isn't 42.

HereticZero, on Dec 2 2007, 08:46 AM, wrote:

When I expressed my concerns to people in my ministry I was told I needed to go to school and learn more about my faith so I would better understand our theology and doctrine.

.:webmaster:., on Feb 1 2008, 05:07 AM, wrote:

 A funny thing happened on my way to my liberal arts degree. I was required to take a Humanities course called Western Civilization. In it I had to read the work of several eighteenth century philosophers from the Age of Reason. It was a flunk-out course and most students hated it, but I loved it. The scales fell from my eyes. At the end of the two-semester course (sophomore year), I was a full blown atheist. A little education is a dangerous thing.

Phase 3 - Do I Believe?

Most people, I find, don't actually ask this question until their deconversion is at such a point that the answer is "No". We skirt around the question, avoiding it for fear of the consequences. This can be a very desperate time for some, especially if your whole life is built on a christian foundation. It isn't just a question of changing perspective, but of giving up everything you've ever known. Desperately, you seek the counsel of your friends and mentors, but to your surprise your hints at a failing faith are met with hostility, condemnation, and rebuke. I suspect that this is because your open questioning of faith sheds light on their private questioning of faith and their aggression is really a defensive maneuver. Either way, this can be a very lonely time, one at which you fell isolated from your normal support group, if not physically isolated, then emotionally isolated. Some are lucky to find others of fading faith for support, others unfortunately face this transition alone.

In some ways, and for some people however, this can be a very liberating process. If you find yourself in a religiously neutral environment, the pursuit of knowledge of the world and yourself can be exciting, filled with new discoveries every day. You can throw off the shackles that bound you to your faith and are free to explore all sorts of new things you may have never heard of before.

Nevertheless, at some point the question is asked, by yourself or by someone else; "Do you believe?" and you answer, "No."

upstarter, on Nov 28 2007, 12:48 PM, wrote:

 But I kept asking questions. Finally one day I asked our pastor (a second evangelical pastor who came after Al) about "the unforgivable sin". I had read this in my bible, but I didn't really understand what it meant. He told me that the unforgiveable sin was turning my back on Jesus. Well, I was sure I'd done that. Was he sure that was unforgiveable? Was there really something that I could do and I wouldn't be forgiven? That scared me.

Victor, on Sep 10 2007, 12:30 AM, wrote:

 After that I became much less religious, almost to the point of agnosticism. I wavered from rejecting God to running back to theism. My church friends were no help, the hypocrites. Praising God in one breath and backstabbing and uttering insults the next. The girls, even worse. They were the more zealous to worship Father God, and yet that didn't stop them from sleeping around or being catty bitches to one another. I began to see just how corrupt the church's followers were. The few good men were outnumbered by dozens of hypocrites, liars, and charlatans. I was disgusted. I stopped going to youth group meetings because of that. Another symptom of my disillusionment.

cm_christ, on Jan 31 2008, 09:39 AM, wrote:

a switch went off in my head,for the first time in my life someone said it was ok not to believe in god, in an unconscious way i had searching for someone to tell me that it was ok, taht someone else doubts in their faith. the other incident that finally seperated me was one day my friend had made me a cannibal corpse (death metal) t-shirt with sharpie that had a pentagram on the back a typlical staple of death metal imagry, a older kid at the school cornered me and told me did i know i was going to hell for wearing that?? i told him casually yes not really caring or beliveing him, and for the first time i was able to look from the outside in at how ridiculous that sound, a 5-pointed star would curse me to hell??

Phase 4 - Anger

"Congratulations! You are now a non-believer. Here is your hat and t-shirt. We're having a bake-sale this Saturday at the park and I'll go ahead and sign you up for our newsletter..." 
Well, not exactly. 

When you converted, there was all sorts of pomp and circumstance. People were showering you with attention, everyone was your friend and you were instantly tied into a new social group. Your moment of deconversion, the moment you first answer that question "No", by contrast is wholly unsatisfying. The sky doesn't part, lightning doesn't strike your house, demons don't stab you in the ass with pitchforks... In a way you almost wish you did get stabbed in the ass, at least there would be something that happened to signify your deconversion, some sort of moment in time that you could point to as the beginning of a new life. We could all sit around and talk about our deconversion moment: I'd ask, "So when did you get stabbed in the ass with a pitchfork?" and you'd reply, "Oh, it was back in aught-six, I was visiting my parents for christmas. Do you want to see the scar?" at which point I'd reply, "No thanks... You should really pull up your pants now, this is awkward."

Unfortunately for all of us, there is no signifying moment of deconversion. We still live the same life we did, but now we are constantly bombarded with reminders of our old faith. We can feel very rejected, very hurt, insulted, or degraded. You end up feeling embarrassed by your former belief, and you feel so dumb for falling victim to it for so long. You feel betrayed by the people you trusted so much to tell you the truth of the world. Above all things, you begin to feel angry.

And you should feel angry! You were lied to, you were kept in fear. You expected love from these people but they were just using you. When you needed support while giving up your faith, they told you it was your fault! How dare they! These people called themselves your friends but once you had a little ideological difference they abandoned you, they judged you, they completely ignored you. Oh the hypocrisy! They stole your life from you, you'll never get those years back. UGH, when I think of all the embarrassing things I've said to non-religious co-workers and friends. How could I have been such a fool!

For many, many of us, the anger phase lasts a long time. It manifests itself in all sorts of ways, sometimes overtly, sometimes passively. Don't get me wrong, it's good to feel anger, it is good to get these feelings out, but at some point the anger must give way. The anger feels so good, it is so emotionally satisfying that we sometimes want to hang onto it too long, but we must give it up to move on to phase 5.

FedUp, on Jan 2 2008, 08:08 PM, said:

I just am facing the fact that I am still really freekin angry at these suckers and it's not only based upon this woman's lying ass horseshit. It's years of wasted time dealing with control freaks who ain't no better than me but on the flip side are some of the most deceitful lying little pustules I have ever dealt with, and BEEN HARMED BY, in my entire life. And most of them do it with such relish, because of course, they're 'saved' and I ain't so they can feel free to do as they please and harm who they want and all is 'forgiven'. Fuck them. I have tried to bury how I really feel about it all for too long, and repressing it has made me sick, and I mean even feeling physically sick, so pardon me if anyone feels like I've tipped over some line somewhere here.

Kriosa Lysia, on Dec 20 2007, 09:36 PM, said:

 When I finally left Christianity after many years, I became very, very angry over the manipulation, the fear-based theologies of hell and demons, the suppression of questioning, the guilt, the shame, etc. At the same time I was also still convinced that I was a sinful, horrible, no-good person and the guilt was crushing.

Phase 5 - Acceptance

The ultimate tragedy of being a deconvert is the fact that even though we stop believing, some people won't let it go. Imagine your old faith like a car. For a while you loved it, you took care of it and drove it all the time but one day it breaks down. You get out and try to fix it, but you can't. You ask a mechanic but he just asks for 10% of your income and tells you to fix it yourself. You consult the user manual but it was written for a pedestrian. In desperation, you start kicking the car, swearing at it, throwing rocks at it. You hate it, and somehow punishing it for leaving you stranded makes you feel some amount of relief. You push it home, kicking it and swearing at it the whole way. You get up in the middle of the night just to take a leak in the gas tank. Then you start acting weird.

You start pushing the car wherever you go, breaking out the windows and scratching the paint. You get a new car and tow the old one behind it just so it's available for abuse whenever you need. You may even attack other peoples cars of the same make and model; "Your car's garbage! Throw it away, you can't depend on it!" Admit it, you actually enjoy being mad at your car.

For a time that anger is very therapeutic, it helps you cope with the loss of a major component of your life. Now however, your life is just as consumed with this car as it was when it worked, and you don't even get to drive it anymore! To truly be past it, you need to go ahead and drop it off at the dump. You don't need to rush yourself, have fun tearing the hoop-de hunk-o-junk up, but wouldn't it be nice to live a life that didn't revolve around the old christ-moble anymore?

Stage 6 Anyone? - HAPPINESS

And now it's just easy because life finally makes sense.
Breath.

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You might also enjoy:
The Greatest Gift
An Unexpected Benefit of Deconversion
Bart Ehrman
Science is Your God