CAP: Carnival of Atheist Parenting, First Edition

Welcome!
As a first-generation atheist parent, I have spent many years wondering how to find my way through the morass of religion when moving through our family's life.  How to handle holidays.   How to address religiosity.  How to impart integrity and ethics.  How to create family traditions and customs.  How to avoid the knee jerk instinct to claim deity involvement in day-to-day activity.  How to pass rational thought on to my children.  How to inform them of the religious movements in the culture around us.  How to interact with believers honestly and respectfully.  Who can I look to for guidance and wisdom in my parenting endeavors.

I found myself frequently asking questions for which I seemed to be the lone voice.  Like-minded people were few and far between.
The internet is such an excellent tool as long as we use it well.

Check them and and PLEASE leave a comment!
Bloggers love your feedback in terms of questions, comments, 

commiserations, confession, acclimation, compliment or salutation!

If you like what you read, please share the goodness on your blog, 

on Facebook, in your atheist groups, and with friends!

Darlene at her website A Life Out Loud is a feminist, smartass, progressive secular liberal, humanist, volunteer, Mensan, stepmom and homeschooler, animal lover, bookworm, interested in almost everything.  If you can dig Emile Zola's quote If you ask me what I came into this world to do, I will tell you; I came to live out loud you will enjoy Darlene's blog.  Her post on a family social justice event called Justice answers the question What did you do on your summer vacation? 

Warren at Running Gamak:  Warren Sender's Blog wanted to support this carnival by offering this blog post entitled Growing Up Atheist.  His eco-friendly blog is right up your alley if you are wanting to be informed about climate change.  Warren Senders is a musician, teacher, and environmental activist who lives outside of Boston.  He describes growing up atheist, remembering his atheist scientist parents, reflecting on a life spent without gods, and talking about how he and his wife are raising their daughter as a freethinking individual.

Grundy over at the popular Deity-Schmeity blog includes this blog post entitled Not Alone #7.  This post is also available in it's entirety at The Not Alone Project, a blog sites that gives atheists a safe place to come out of their atheist closet.  Grundy started his  Deity-Schmeity blog as a place to share his thoughts on atheism.  On his blog, Grundy supports a new blog undertaking called The Not Alone Project.  According to Grundy's blog post, (The Not Alone Project) a platform for atheists to post their stories in an effort to show those who think we live in a God-fearing world that many have nothing to fear.  I, for one, appreciate his efforts to support the atheists out here in the ether.  Thank you, Grundy, for participating in the carnival this week.

Wendy at the eponymous blog Wendy Thomas Russell is one of my favorite atheist parenting bloggers out there.  Wendy's most recent blog post entitled Embracing Religion 'For the Sake of the Kids' is a post that many of us can relate too.  I have had so many instances such as this that I almost think of them as normal.  I want to recommend about ten other blog posts on this site for you, but let's just go with this one:  Survey:  Nearly Half of All Parents Uncomfortable Talking to Kids about Religion.  Please, let's cut that percentage in half!!!!!

Jen over at Knitting Interrupted was enthusiastic about this blog carnival and submitted two blog posts from her blog that celebrates Life, the Universe, and Knitting!  First is Humbug!  A post that nearly every one of us could write.  She rants on about the claim that atheists are sabotaging Christmas.  Come one.  We LOVE days of equal dark and light.  Many of us celebrate it with a tree in the house!  Next Jen offers a blog post entitled 9 Ways to have a Happy, Secular Christmas.  Here she reminds us all to go forth and enjoy the end of the year!
Jen, thank you for participating this week!
And CONGRATULATIONS on that gorgeous new baby girl of yours!
WELCOME Baby Talia.  I'm sure you are keeping your momma busy!

Karen at Homeschool Atheist Momma blog (me) submits a post called How an Atheist Discusses Religion with their Children.  This post has gotten many, many viewings already.  It is simply one parent talking about a subject that many atheist, secular parents spend a great deal of time thinking about.  I think you will like it!  Also check out one of my favorite posts of all Ninja Freak.


This carnival is now available at this website.
Join up so that you are among the first to get the carnival.

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If you enjoyed this post, you may also like:  CAP:  Carnival of Atheist Parenting

My Daughter is Fierce!

Writing fiction, journals, or non fiction is one thing...putting it online for others to read is quite another thing. A writer agonizes over plot and wording, develops characters that become real to them, puts so much of their heart and mind and spirit into their writing, and then puts it out there for others to read, know, even judge. It takes courage and tremendous ego strength to take a piece of writing and push the post button.

My daughter Elizabeth is more than a writer, she is an author. She has been writing for many, many years and I have been impressed with her writing ability. Perfect? No. Skillful and developing? Yes.

She has been writing fanfic for sometime now. Her stories about her favorite fictional characters and real life celebrities have been circulating the fanfic boards for three years now. She has followers, fans, and fellow enthusiasts on her fanfic community who beg her for more and more!

But the other day she got two comments that weren't just negative, they were attacking. The night she read the comments I saw her shut off her computer, bow her head, and walk upstairs quietly. Despite encouragement and support, she wouldn't tell me what was up until the next morning when she suddenly stopped what she was doing and asked me, Mom, is my grammar bad? Is my punctuation a train wreck? Is my writing weak?

In her despair and aloneness the other night she went upstairs to her room and removed a favorite and very popular story from the fanfic site.

Once the shock and sadness and insecurities went away, and after a good deal of processing together, Elizabeth started asking Who are these two people? Why should I care what they think of my writing? Do they KNOW how many people love my stories?!! Hang on!  These people are wrong! I am learning and writing my best right now. Nothing they wrote is helpful at all! I'm ignoring them, Mom. I'll repost my story when I get my strength up a bit. 

And she will one day.

The process that this girl went through getting to her strong and confident place was amazing to behold. Today:  back online writing!

Go Elizabeth!

Welcome readers in Singapore and China!

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If you enjoyed this post, you may also like:  Shooshy 
Or you may enjoy reading:  Her Face 
Or try this one:  My Thirteen Tips for Parenting Your Strong-Willed Child 
Another suggestion:  Whatcha Doin'?
 Or:  Life, the Universe, and Whatnot

A Willingness to Learn

difficult children

Parenting children is a never ending time of learning. Truly. Once you figure out one thing it will all change and you are at square one again. But that's OK, we are up to the challenge!   
Aren't we, Mommas?!!

I have had enough in-depth conversations with the kids lately where I was sure that something was going on with both of them that we couldn't quite put our fingers on. Both of them were feeling down, lethargic, bored, unhappy, but neither of them could identify a problem.  We talked and talked. 

Our discussions went from self-esteem to depression to wanting to go home to several other topics that escape me right now. When I stumbled on a thought that was like an AHA!!! moment.

You see, while down here in Australia we have really let go of formal lessons. I might even call it unschooling if I were so inclined. So we haven't had a single lesson in a very long time. (Though we have been very busy and very involved with friends and activities.) When I suggested to the kids that we start back up with lessons they both smiled and cheered.

You see, it seems that in order to FEEL GOOD, one must feel a sense of ACCOMPLISHMENT. And to feel a sense of accomplishment, one must face challenges that one sticks with and masters. It would seem that, for my children, doing lessons brings about a feeling of well-being, facing challenges brings about a feeling of achievement, and building one's own skills and knowledge brings about a sense of being a smart person!  

Who knew?

Tonight, after three long, long days of lessons, chores, and activities, I have two very satisfied children who are feeling very proud of themselves and very positive about who they are and what they can accomplish.

Over the many years of our homeschool journey I have cajoled, begged, lectured, threatened, bribed, supported, and generally hoped for these two kids to participate in, no, to own their own curiosity and learning. There was no willingness to learn in their lives, until a few days ago!

Today, both of them, separately, have taken me aside and have waxed on about how wonderful it feels to be bettering themselves, to be taking responsibility for their own efforts, and to be feeling confident in their own abilities. Elizabeth is expressing feelings of anticipation of, yearning for, and a thirst for learning. She wants to feel smart. (She IS smart, actually. Quite smart.) She is willing. And John is loving the organization and structure of our days. He thrives with a schedule, with expectations, with plans.

WILLINGNESS is the key. The KEY to success in this house and in life.  

There is only one thing required to change your life:  willingness.  

As someone wise once said:

If you are unwilling to learn, 
no one can force you. 
If you are determined to learn, 
no one can stop you.

Now, if only it lasts... How do we maintain this? Where does it come from? How can you get it if you don't already have it? Where does this willingness hide? How can we get it again if it goes? What are the secrets to foster a willingness to learn?   

In the meantime, while the house reeks of eagerness and zeal, our family is very engaged with wonderful materials in math, history, geography, current events, reading, and science. Children are thriving. Chores are getting done cheerfully. And children are happy. Happy.

The kids are more productive and enthusiastic during their free time too... 

Who knew.

 The willingness to accept responsibility for one's own life 

is the source from which self-respect springs.
~Joan Didion

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If you enjoyed this post, you may also like:
Seasons of Homeschooling 
Homeschooling Strategies 
Top Ten Habits of a Happy Homeschool Mom 
Advice from Expert Homeschoolers 
Gaining Independence