What to do When my Girlfriend is PMSing

OK, so you've identified that, indeed, she is probably PMSing.
Now what?
It's true that it can be a bit of a minefield at first, so it's no wonder you're confused. Each woman feels different and handles her own cycle issues differently. So how can you possibly know what to do, right?

The good news is that it's temporary. A day or two and she'll be back to her normal self. But these two days...Dude.
In the meantime, I do recommend that you arm yourself with knowledge and with a few suggestions.

As always, it's your choice what you choose to do at these times.
Just keep in mind that this will happen every single month. How you choose to handle it will affect your overall relationship over time. Of course, there is time to figure it out.


Here are a few ideas for you:

1. Ask her what she wants from you. She knows, so believe her.
2. Listen to her. Your attention shows you care.
3. She is probably experiencing low-key pain.
   Doesn't mean she doesn't want sex; she probably does.
   It only means that she might be feeling a bit achy-breaky for the day.
   It might be headaches, body aches.
4. If she prefers to be alone, leave.
   Let her do this thing alone. It's pretty darn unpleasant to be around her and she knows it. She's probably protecting you and she's probably embarrassed.
5. If she is craving chocolate ice cream, get two.
6. Check under the sink to see if there are enough pads or tampons. It won't hurt you to pick some up from the drug store.
7. Make her favorite things magically appear.
   She will cry happy tears and love you even more.
8. Use your words. She would like it if you would remind her that you love her and why. For some reason, she can't do this for herself at the moment and she wants to hear it.
   She needs to hear it.
9. She is doing her best. Her emotionality is never an attempt to manipulate you or anything. It's an unpleasant chemical situation, for real.
10. Be gentle and kind and patient.
    She will notice and thank you for it. Tomorrow.
    At the time she is in emotional turmoil; your quiet kindness will be very appreciated.
11. Be there. She really wants you to be there.
    If you're off with the guys while she's suffering...let's just say she might not understand that in the moment. Her interpretations miiiight be a bit...skewed.
12. Do a little research of your own on Pre-Menstrual Syndrome.
    The physical and emotion symptoms are well-documented.

 Extra hints for your peace of mind:

1. If she is angry or weepy, it's not really about you.
   Or about anything else. Or about nothing.
   It's weird.
   I promise you, she is trying to control it. But chemistry is super strong on these days. 
2. She's probably been in fear or in shame of showing you herself on these days.
3. These emotional waves are overwhelming and powerful.
   The emotions might swing rather dramatically rather quickly.
   You simply being there quietly supportive can be very grounding.
   Enjoy the moments she's able to laugh about it.
4. Listen, console her, hold her of she wants you to.
   And, hear this, she cannot help it.
   Tomorrow will be a better day.
5. Don't offer advice.
   She totally knows what to do.
6. Have a conversation with her on non-PMS days about what you can expect, what she needs, what to plan for.
7. She might cancel plans on you; staying home is comforting.
   Don't take this personally.
   Maybe even keep it in mind when you're planning upcoming events that you want to share with her.
8. And never EVER accuse her of PMSing.
   In the moment, or EVER.
   It's a real sore spot in the moment. And it's a rude, aggressive act at other times.
   Tomorrow she might even laugh about it, but not today.
9. It might be better for your peace of mind to, occasionally, take a break for your own self care. This stuff is not for the faint of heart. If she's got a sharp tongue, you are well within your rights to go into the next room. No reason why you should be a punching bag.
10. Remember, she literally can't help it.

Things she might like:

1. Low lights.
2. Motrin or Tylenol.
3. Some nice, hot soup.
4. A hot bath.
5. A glass of wine.
6. A reminder to rest.
7. Sex.
8. No sex.
9. A blanket and a puppy.
10. Rest.
11. A hot water bottle or heating pad.
12. Gentle stretches.
13. A book. 
14. Crying.
15. To be left alone.
16. To cuddle.
17.  A nice warm cloth over her eyes.
18. Romance.
19. Kind and loving words.
20. Going out on a low-key, romantic date.

Many couples can take months or years to figure out the best way to weather this monthly storm. If you figure out the chemicals and the calendar of the whole thing, you can plan for it so you're not surprised every time. Keep your calendar empty for those few days and plan for low key activities and homebody time. 

Communication is key. 

   What do YOU think?   

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Other posts you might enjoy:

PMS

Raising Our Strong-Willed Children

My Daughter is Fierce!

I'm here to offer you that much-needed advice that you are beginning to be aware that you need. You might not have the words for the question yet, but this is the answer:
She's PMSing.


First, how to identify when or if your girlfriend is PMSing.

1. She will tell you. Believe her.
2. She has a few tiiiiny blemishes.
3. She appears fatigued.
4. She is having cravings for chocolate or almost any other food.
5. She is particularly negative or pessimistic or weepy.
6. She seems a tad bit...moody. 
7. She feels overwhelmed.
8. She seems to need extra validation from you.
9. She's irritable.
10. She is either staring at you with daggers or she can't make sustained eye contact. 
11. She is sleeping more or not at all.
12. She is negative on herself.
    Don't know why, but it's kind of universal.
    In a sucky way.
13. She uses the word "bloated".
14. Her emotions seem to run from laughing out loud to crying in a matter of minutes.
15. You are walking on egg shells and you have no idea why.
    
    

 

Raising Our Strong-Willed Children

This blog post is for you, Dear Parents of Strong-Willed Children.

For my long-time readers, those who have watched my children grow up over these last years of my blog, you will know that my daughter is now nearly twenty-three years of age. If you've followed me for awhile, you know that Elizabeth and I have learned so much together about what it means to be mother and daughter, how one grows up with a strong woman in your life, and how to continue loving and encouraging each other in this dynamic relationship of ours.

We have both learned alot.
If you're in the market to learn about parenting a strong and amazing human being like this, I hope you will take some time and read some of the other posts on this blog that are specific to our lives together. I have posted some of my favorites below, but there are many others to check out. In this blog I have often referred to these specific blog posts with the label challenging children. But, I regret that. Now I might call them Strong-willed children. For now, until I find a better term. Not that challenging is wrong. 😉

Elizabeth is at a very significant place in her life right now. In about a week she will take her final class in undergraduate studies and will be readying herself for a quarantine graduation. She and I have been talking quite a bit about what it has taken to get her to this point in her life in one piece, with some real success, and with this moment of launch that she is facing.

The damn quarantine is a difficult place for our kids, teens, and young adults to find themselves. Their minds and hearts are so vibrant and full; our homes are loving, but small for them. It takes all of our care and love to keep them going in this freaking tough time.

Here is a brief summary of what parents of Challenging Children need to understand and to learn:

• The answer is to NOT "break" her
• Do everything to allow her to keep her pride, keep her spirit
• Including celebrating that spirit
• They have to learn to control their passions in this world, to survive, to thrive, to make it.
• ME controlling her is wrong; I learned that the hard way many times.
• She needs my love, patience, approval, and, most of all, understanding.
• How much can I say 'yes' to her
• I'm her tether, though she kind of hates that fact 
• This is NOT a "behavioral problem", this is who she is.
• I must support her, even when I don't understand.
• She doesn't accept lessons from me; she has to learn them on her own.
• Use positive language when describing her; she is already critical of herself in her head.
• She always prefers having choices and always resents my choice.
• Give them LOTS of latitude, LOTS and lots of latitude! to explore their strong interests.
• Although she often behaves in very unloving ways, she needs my love the most at those times.
• She hates arguing with me as much as I hate arguing with her. Maybe more.
• She can get very mixed up in her own strong emotion and finds our relationship both a touchstone for centering and something she resents.
• Always correct and educate when the storm passes or at peace time - never during the storm.
  
• She's the best friend a mother could ask for. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You Might Also Enjoy:
It's Going to be Worth it
My Thirteen Tips for Parenting your Strong-Willed Teen
My Best Days as a Mom

A Letter to Elizabeth in Korea

Dear Elizabeth:

On the other side of the planet, you are spreading your wings, stepping out, dancing in the sun, and exploring what you can do on your own. It's been incredibly surreal that I, a little girl from a small town, a girl from a very racist family, a girl from the wrong side of the tracks, have a daughter in KOREA, making meaning in her life! It's weird to think about how far your generation has moved from the generation before me!

This trip to Korea, I sincerely hope, is life-enriching and goal-creating for you. You have many secret dreams and wishes for your life and I hope that this brief trip to the literal other side of the planet, ON YOUR OWN, shows you your ability to rise above the difficulties and shows you your ability to absolutely shine in your own skin. With some time to ease into the summer, you have learned resilience and commitment in these first few weeks, Elizabeth, and it has been a real honor to be your mother, your life line, as you learn these things about yourself.

You have extended your hand again and again until some people finally had the courage to extend their hands back. I hope you notice that they were there all along, just unwilling or unable to take that courageous step as quickly as you could. Humans are difficult things to understand and to live with. But SOOoo worth it.
😉

And, Dear Korea, you small far-off country of large culture:

Look out, Dude, Elizabeth is COMING!!!!!!

With love, Mom

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You Might Also Enjoy:
Secular Student Alliance: Elizabeth Loethen

KPOP, EXO, and Kai

Secular Student Alliance - Elizabeth Loethen

Just passing along a little mother's pride.
My daughter was recently interviewed for an online publication called Humanist Voice for her work with the SSA, the Student Secular Alliance in her community college campus.

If you go over to read it, I hope you leave a comment.  
😉

 An Interview with Elizabeth Loethen - Executive Member, SSA at St. Louis Community College (Meramec Campus)

 

K-POP

atheist blog

If reading this blog has, in any way, interested you in the music genre' of K-pop, then you will appreciate my newest project. Elizabeth and I have been working together to write a book about K-POP, available now on Amazon.com for PC or Kindle.

We have been working hard on getting this darn thing right. I've been making many mistakes as I learn both the Adobe products and the formatting for Amazon. I think we've finally gotten it right.

K-POP Biased for PC

K-POP Biased for Kindle available in 24 hours

And, hopefully, properly formatted

If you are interested, here are a few links you might find interesting, some of Elizabeth's fan fic.

Guest Post: Lizzie Wants World Peace

atheist blog

Guest post: Lizzie Wants World Peace

A couple of months ago in April, Lacey and I went to Chicago to see a Korean pop band called B.A.P. While the concert and trip itself were AMAZING and worth an entire post or eight plus pictures, there was one part of the concert that really stood out to me.

There was one part of the concert, somewhere in the middle, when the lights went red and the word "WAR" was on the screen, large and clear for everyone to see. After about a minute and a half of looking at the word, it gets smaller and suddenly all of the wars from the past 100-150 start scrolling past nice and slow. There are a lot, and past the mid 30's or 40's the scrolling speeds up and there are STILL more and more wars. I just kept going and going until the 2000's, where there were more names. The list was staggering. Every time you thought it was going to stop, it just kept going and going.
In the documented history of humans there have been approximately 286 out of  3,400 years of peace. Of no war whatsoever. Just 8% of our recorded history has been without war and it kind of struck a chord in me. 

The boys then performed One Shot which I have linked to with English lyrics. The song itself is very powerful and the music video is very intense and rather upsetting to some, but it surely gets the message across. 

How long are we all going to hate each other? How long are we going to have to fight over things that should be human rights? How long do we have to fight for what is clearly not ours? Why do we have to have country borders and hatred between them? Why do we simply hate people because they don't believe that a man in the sky exists? Because of who we love? Because of our god damned skin color. We're all different, but that's what makes it all so amazing. We have so much to learn from each other, so why does it always have to resort to years of fighting when something goes wrong? Why do people enjoy the concept of war anyway? What is the romance of bombs, bullets and death? Why can't we all get along? 

B.A.P is right. We only have one life, one chance at it, so why are we spending all of our energy hating people because of such trivial things? Why don't we spend it loving and learning and traveling without having to worry about what would happen if our country loses whatever war is going on now? Why is war the only way to decide things? We have one damn shot at life, and we need to make it worth something. We have to make it happy and healthy. Some of us have more time than others, so we have to make the most of every moment. Let's not waste time fighting.

Homeschool High School Graduate

atheist homeschool

It's that time of year when you start sending Grants, Franklins, and checks in the mail to nieces and nephews, children of friends, children of distant relatives, etc and you start wondering if, one day, your child will matriculate. Fer real.

I'm So on the Ball.

A few weeks ago Elizabeth and I were working on some paperwork that dually-enrolled students need in order to register each semester at community college, right, when I started to realize that, OOOPS, 

I kind of missed the graduation thing last semester. She had attained enough credits in all of the right areas to graduate high school six months ago. 

So we updated the HS transcript and graduated her in the eyes of the college. Now it's time to graduate her in the eyes of herself...and the world so next month on her birthday we'll be having a shindig for both events.

I have a few friends who are graduating this month and I've been sending money all over the country, happily. 
I hope the people in our lives send her cards and crap because she would love that.

Congratulations Elizabeth!

I found this free online diploma template
at Let's Homeschool Highschool's website.
Use it!

BORED

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You have to have huge balls to tell me that you are bored if you live in this house.

With all of the crap...er...things we own, all of the internet and media options, books and such, and with so much freedom to explore interests, it takes some nerve to tell me that you have nothing to do. But I think that there is more to it with Elizabeth right now. 

She's bored with school and all of her classes, she's bored with work, she's bored with our house...  Sounds more like a spike in depression to me. You know? She agrees that that might be happening a bit...but she is also bored. Bored. Bored. Bored.

Even with my erudite explanation of how interesting life is and how many amazing things there are to learn about, she is still bored, bored, bored.

My child has a tendency to experience feelings in an extremely magnified way, so her boredom is massive. I comfort myself by remember being her age and feeling bored all of the time, so I'm not worried per se. But it has had me thinking, and fretting a bit.

Although I am a lover of learning, a lover of reading and researching, and a person likely to always be trying new things I'm not at all worried that my children won't follow in my footsteps...much. It's my fondest wish for them. I want it so bad! I want them to be interested people, you know? 

What if they rest on their laurels? What if they never grow into adults who continue to improve themselves? What if their current continual boredom lasts for the rest of their lives? What if their brains turn into much from all of that game playing? What if their whining of being bored never ends? What if they become apathetic slugs? 

What if Elizabeth never figures out that boredom can be an excellent opportunity to work on herself, to expand her knowledge, to become a more interesting person?

Is it remotely possible I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill?

K-POP Fangirling

exo exo

If you are still confused as to why Elizabeth is absolutely obsessed with the K-Pop band EXO, (as well as zillions of other girls) watch this video! This video is a brilliant concept piece that they play on the massive screens before their shows. I'm sure that EVERY girl feels their personal attention:

My Turn to Cry

Can you guess Elizabeth's bias?
Which is your favorite?
Which is mine? wink emoticon

KPOP, EXO, and Kai

Kai,
Need I say more?

SO, I have a child who is freaky obsessed with Korea. Elizabeth has generally taught herself Hangul, the language spoken by most Koreans; she can read, write, and speak it. She listens almost exclusively to KPOP, Korean pop music, and she is a huge fan of Korean dramas and film. At some point she plans on moving to Korea and teaching English as a Second Language. Naturally this Korea Love carries over into her writing life.

She has been an author as long as she could pick up a pencil, pen, or laptop. Long into the night she would either be reading or typing on her laptop, couldn't stop her. As she has moved into her teen years she and her friends discovered some Korean boy bands and became huge fans of them. Super Junior in all of its various iterations, Shinee, BTS, Infinite, and now EXO, these songs and bands have been the soundtrack of her life. Ask her to listen to American pop and she would decline.

For several years she has written tons of fan fiction from her various biases: Sherlock Holmes, Super Junior, Korean actors, and KPOP. I usually get to read her fan fic, but not always. Some of her stories are, according to Elizabeth, for mature audiences only and she doesn't like me to read those because it embarrasses her. But my experience with those stories have been good. Great, even.

But, Happy Day, today Elizabeth has given me the green light to share one of her fan fics with you, My Friends and Readers. This story is called Ruining Our Childhood and is a fantasy story about growing up with one of today's hottest Korean pop singers, someone in the Korean boy band called EXO, a singer named Kai. I read the story the other night and, although some errors stand out to me (I'm an editor at heart) the overall story was so good! She writes really great dialogue and can turn a phrase.

I hope you enjoy it and I welcome you to share the story with your friends' daughters who also love KPOP or romantic fiction. But be warned, those girls will become KPOP obsessed too.

Ruining Our Childhood

by Doctorholmes221

Part Two: Some Call them "Whiners", Drawing a Picture

highly sensitive children highly sensitive child atheist parent challenging child. atheist parent highly sensitive children eist parent challenging children c

I think that at times in my life I have battled my own tendencies toward being a challenging temperament...a little. But I'm generally a very mellow person, quite low key. In my family growing up, some major people in my family are people who are of this temperament, challenging. Now with my daughter being of a challenging personality temperament, I'm the dang sandwich generation. 

No wonder this personality type has been the bane of my existence and the focus of so much of my energy and thought. Both my mother and my daughter mean alot to me and my relationship with each of them requires that I spend time contemplating situations: what is going on? What is hidden? What is being communicated? What will help the situation that my challenging one has created? What part have I played? When do I need some space? What is unsaid in this situation? 

What exactly do I mean when I talk about a challenging temperament? Let me describe the type of things you might notice in a person. But the truth is, I'm just flying by my own experiences here; your post might read differently.

In some families the challenging person is very often misunderstood and maligned. They are often called whiners, complainers, killjoys, bitches, and more. This person has exhausted people. These people may complain and be negative so much and so often that they push people away from them. Many people choose to stay away for the cycle of negativity that a person of this temperament might bear with them. I guess you can figure out your challenging person by how exhausted you feel after an interaction with them.

In my case, I generally see some of these things:

• This person is inconsolable. Their problems are larger and worse than yours.
• This person vacillates between depression and anger and feeling simultaneously powerless and at fault.
• When confronted, this person will reveal a complex morass of confusion and anger that doesn't seem to be based fully in reality.
• This person is convinced that no one can understand how difficult their life is.
• This person tends to react in fairly large ways because they are convinced that their emotions are far too large to contain. Additionally, they are convinced that they have every right to express those emotions freely and without check.
• Understanding and investigation happens second: reactive explosion happens first.
• The complaints are ongoing and seem to reflect obsessive thinking, or an inability to see beyond their own situation.
• This person may have frequent minor physical complaints and require special care.
• This person will explain why their issues are endless and will up the ante if you attempt to bring in a larger-world perspective.
• This person finds a certain amount of comfort or familiarity in their depression or sad state.
• This person might seem to be seething much of the time.
• This person might seem to resist intimacy while simultaneously crave it.
• Any attempt to be solution-focused is met with frustration, indignation, or exasperation.
• This person may feel defeated by life in general and alone in their battle with it.
• This person's reactions to seemingly small things reflects their perception that the world is unfairly stacked against them.
• And this person is completely unaware of how difficult, dramatic, and unrealistic their reactions are to handle and they seem to operate from a position of expecting to not be liked or loved.

Truly each challenging person has their own constellation of provocations and characteristics. Probably the threads running through many of these folks is the certainty that their conflicts are harder than most people's, that no one understands or appreciates their challenges, and that they don't have good self-soothe skills. Also, please note that these characteristics are listed from an outsider's perspective and not from the perspective of the person in question.

Does any of this sound familiar? Have I caught the essence of you or of your loved one? If so, please stick around. I have devised some efficacious actions and interventions that might be useful to you to explore and to understand.

___________________

In my third post of this series I plan on talking about what works if you are a challenging person or if you have a challenging person in your life. And the fourth and final post will talk about additional ideas and suggestions.

Figuring this temperament out has been an important goal in my life, yet I'm sure my efforts will fall short. Not only is my own beloved daughter of this temperament but others in my family as well. If you are of this temperament or if you love someone of this temperament, stay with me. I hope you will share your thoughts on this series of posts as well. I'm not a scientist, but I have spent a great deal of time thinking about this and I'd love to hear your thoughts, struggles, and insights as well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Other Posts I Recommend:
Part One: Some Call them Whiners, The Challenge
A Parental Confession
It's Going to be Worth It
Shooshy: Raising My Daughter
Her Face

My College-Aged Homeschooled Daughter Gives Advice to Homeschooling Parents

atheist blog atheist homeschool atheist blog atheist homeschool atheist blog atheist homeschool atheist blog atheist homeschool 

This evening my daughter and I have been talking about how she's doing in college, at work, and in general in her life. She is just so happy, productive, and feeling positive that I thought other homeschooling parents might enjoy hearing how she is doing.  Here is a short conversation that she and I had together for this blog post: 

Do you read my blog?

LOL, yes, Mom, I do read your blog from time to time. I will get on and read multiple posts in a row, but I don't really read it regularly.
Now I feel like a terrible daughter!  LOL

What do you think of my blog and of how I write about you?

I think your blog is very informative for parents who need it and an interesting read because of our lifestyle. We have unique experiences and we're a unique family with our reasons for homeschooling, our atheism, living out of the country, and other things. 

As for the way you write about me, I trust you. I'm fine with it because I know it's not too personal or anything, you share it with me before posting it, and I feel safe with your readers.

What are you doing these days?  

Still homeschooling?

LOL, no I've gotten away from that. I'm a part-time college student (she has three classes) and I'm loving it. I don't really homeschool anymore. I'm working alot of hours, doing homework, and keeping busy with theater and friends and things like that. I'm also taking private Korean lessons from a student at another college so I drive up to Washington University once or twice a week for those. I was just in a show at school that ended last week, so I'm getting used to having some free time again! I made a great friend during that show: the main character was played by a professor at school and she and I really became close; I love her; she's so amazing! I'm also working with you, Mom, with the photobooths and I love that. I'm doing some writing on my novel too, don't forget that.

And sadly, my best friend moved out to the west coast so, even though I have some friends, my best friend is gone!

Do you feel different from other students at school because you homeschooled?

At first I felt like it was obvious to everyone around me that I homeschooled, like it was seeping out of me Homeschooler here, Homeschooler here, can't function in a regular school environment!!!  I was afraid that I had Homeschooler tattooed onto my forehead! lol, but I know that that was my insecurities and anxieties about starting something new getting in the way. 
Between when I first started last spring and now, six semesters later, I know that I really do fit in perfectly and I know that having been homeschooled didn't impact me negatively at all. I feel like having been homeschooled makes me quite unique. No one really knows that I homeschooled unless I tell them and when I do, they are interested in what that was like for me. Most people are envious and wish that they had homeschooled too.

In fact, often when an instructor knows that I was homeschooled they tell me to tell Mom that she did a great job with me...as if!

How did being homeschooled prepare you for college?

It did in that we did our lessons, math and essays and things, that prepared me for what to expect in my classes. You taught me about note taking, reading and researching, and creating outlines of lectures. We read some great literature. We worked in groups with our co op. We did lots of writing, essays, papers, poetry. I knew what would be expected of me by teachers. And, in fact, I'm quite good in my classes. Right now I'm in a writing class where we do peer reviews and my fellow students frequently enjoy my writing and are impressed with my ability to write well.

Also, my first semester in college I didn't take college-level classes but college-prep classes and those courses also helped me to prepare for college-level work and, more importantly, showed me that I was fully capable of doing this work.

Do you have advice for new homeschooling parents?

I would say to relax a little! Don't feel like you need to push lessons or information on kids. They need to be active and free and to follow their own interests. Don't get upset if they want to play instead of wanting to learn. Kids in schools are trapped in a 2x2 desk! You have an advantage in that you don't have to spend four or five weeks on a subject if you don't need to put in that kind of time; as soon as your child gets it you can move forward. Or if your child needs more time you can give them that too. There is no wasted time at all and alot less stress.

If your child gets does feel overloaded or stressed out or they need a break go read a book, put on a costume and play, do some art work. Use that advantage of not having learning time be between the hours of 9 and 3.
OH, and play alot!

Anything else?

Try not to get frustrated in your child doesn't get something right away. We've learned that children learn at different rates. If they don't get something now, put it away and bring it back in a month or two.
My brother and I are very close, we're both very close to Mom and Dad too, so that is another homeschool advantage! But mostly enjoy your time together; it will be worth it!

What would you ask her, if you could?
Check back for answers.

ADDENDUM, 10/12/2015

Question from reader Amy to Elizabeth: What would be the one - or three- things you wished you would have learned (or done) to help prepare you for college that were missed?

Honestly, nothing academic. If you aren't college-level when you get to college, there are prep classes you can take to get you up to speed. Academics can be fixed there; that's what college is there for. There were dozens of adults in my below-college-level math class.

I wish I would have known how expensive it is. Because even community college is SUPER expensive and I feel like a burden to my parents. Even if deep down I know I'm not a burden at all, I still feel it. Now that I'm working toward independence I know the financial commitment that they have made to me, though they would never say that. I feel like, early on, as soon as conversations about college start happening, parents might start talking about the expense of college. That way kids who might want to help with the cost of it might want to think about how to prepare themselves to help with that financial burden.

For a long time I've had this thought, I felt like I knew what kids out there would be like...like the snotty kids in movies, and I thought that was how kids are. But in college you realize that some people are, in face, still stuck in high school but most of them are not. Most of them are really nice people who want to befriend you and make you a part of their friend circle. It helps to actively pursue friendships rather than wait for them to come to you.

You think homework in homeschool is bad now? Homework in college will kick your butt. You have to stick with it, put your head down, and do it right away because there is no time to put it off. Not going to lie, for some classes you can get away without getting the homework done, but most of them require that you do it. I enjoy getting good grades and that requires that the work gets done on time.  

Thanks for asking!  ~Liz

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Other posts you might enjoy:

Take this Job and LOVE it!

Maybe Homeschool is to Blame

A Very Damaging List Against Homeschool

Take this Job and LOVE it!

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On New Years Day of this year our family was attending a party at a friend's house when we met a lovely woman who introduced us to one of our best opportunities of the year. We were introduced to a woman who is now a dear friend, Melissa, a woman who owns a small business: photo booths for rent! Her business is called Fun Photo and she is the bad assest business owner I've ever known!

It took awhile for us to get our ducks in a row, but this year has been fantastic because both John and Elizabeth have been able to work with me as part of a parent/teen team on the job. When we do a gig, I take one of the kids and we operate the photo booth as a team. It has been a phenomenal opportunity for both of them to learn some really useful work skills, including how to work on a team, how to work with people, how to take instruction, business ethic, problem solving on your feet, working with difficult clients, and many more skills that I can't articulate right now.

We have worked at parties, weddings, public events, middle and high schools, colleges, holiday events, bar and bat mitzvahs, private parties of many kinds, and at business events. We've worked in many different places in a two state area and, another cool benefit, as homeschoolers we've been able to work during the week during daylight hours. The photo booth is usually an activity that people love...our clients are always smiling!

I have learned how amazing my kids are!
I am super impressed with them and so very proud. Although both of the kids now have other jobs as well, we still find time to work a gig or two for my friend Melissa. I'm so very thrilled that we have had this opportunity to work together as a mother/teen team because I have had the chance to do something that few parents ever get to see; I get to see my kids act as professionals in the work place. It is a pretty cool thing.

This weekend Elizabeth and I worked two gigs; it was both exhausting and thrilling! The first night we happened to be right in the middle of Cardinal Baseball Play Off Fever because our gig was smack dab in the middle of the hottest club in town that actually overlooks the stadium, right there on the first night of the playoffs! The massive baseball crowd was overwhelmingly red and white as we maneuvered our equipment from the car to the club where we were to work...maneuvering through a massive, moving crowd. Outside of the nearby window of our gig was the actual game! Inside there was a party going on and we were a part of it...it's a great gig if you can get it!

To massively switch gears, tonight we had our photo booth at a 45th class reunion from a local high school for a few hours. The crowd was truly so lovely! Elizabeth and I both enjoyed the people and the work.

Elizabeth and I got home well before midnight with cash in our pockets, happy smiles on our faces, and with the delightful experience of a job well done...together!

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Other blog posts you might enjoy:

Heart Outside of my Body
24 Hours of my Daughter's Life
Growing Pains

Heart Outside of my Body

they growup too fast. parenting

Making the decision to have a child is momentous.
It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.

~Elizabeth Stone

The other evening John and I were driving along quite late at night; he was nearly asleep leaning on the door. I asked him to check the lock on the door to make sure that the door wouldn't open suddenly. Instead of checking the lock, John opened the door of the car as I drove!

He was fine; he knew what he was doing; he had set out to scare me. It took me about twenty minutes to get my heart back to normal, John laughing at me the whole time.

It is an unexpected thing, really, to discover the immeasurable depth of love one has for their child. Becoming a parent is, in fact, a journey, a journey of unknown dimension.  Depth and breadth. 


In the beginning is that boundless fear of an unknown future looming over an uncommunicative infant. An infant who does not respond in any meaningful way for months on end, an infant who is take take take. 
A parent who feels abandoned of sense and reason. Then the moment, a sudden moment, an infant who laughs at some obvious stimuli. Everything changes that moment.

Life speeds up. Most steps are away. Life feels like spinning.
The heart of a parent speaks these words.

Can I read this poem to you. Let me cut your wisps of hair, worshiping the curls. Is there more to say? I will cut your dinner and clip your nails. I will hold you tight when it rains. Let me speak to you in the voice of your stuffed pink baby and we can discuss life and light. I will lay my cheek on yours and feel again the to and fro of the swing set. 

 

Gaze into my eyes with your secret smile. Sing with me in the words of childhood verse. Curl up in front of me and lay your head on my arm; I will comfort you and give you shelter. Be as free as a drop of water Let me say things that open your heart to something anew. Return again to the day when you jumped without looking. Grasp my hand and we will walk over the hill. I will lend you my courage.

I will leave the light on. Let us lay beneath the blue, blue summer sky and read poetry and prose together. Tell me all of your secrets. Put your head beneath my arm to hide from the fireworks. Believe again in the power of your dreams. Tangle your legs with mine as we read beneath the comfy coverlet. 

 

Believe again that I am omniscient. Can we catch fireflies and release them into the cool of the night? I will comfort you in the depth of your joy and your sadness. Can we talk long into the night and I will go into my room, close the door, and sob to your daddy at the preposterous beauty of the past hour?

You grow up. You drop my hand.
I find it hard, the letting go.

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You may also enjoy these posts:
Shooshy: Raising My Daughter
I'm the Good Enough Parent
Do You Know Who I am?
Moving Into the Light 
One of my Worst Days as a Parent