Friday, January 23, 2015

Growing Pains

Homeschool socialization
This is a TMI post.

My son is really struggling these days. He is a uniquely deep and mature kid who is also silly, fun, and amazing. 
He is 14, the age of terrible social unrest for kids. 

Tonight we have been talking for hours about his philosophical side, his feelings, his reflections, his struggles, things that he wants, changes, realities, longings, options, his disdain for kids on social media who stereotype and generalize without seeing the humanness of the people that they refer to in posts and memes, the serious issues he ponders, his profound longing for meaning in life, and some other weighty and complex stuff on his mind, changes in friendships and alliances, new realizations... can be so hard for a kid.

He is remarkably in touch with his emotions and has such an articulate way of expressing himself...he is such a thinker and he's having a hard time finding friends who are, well, deep too. 
Intellectual. Thoughtful. Maybe a bit existential...

It's kind of hard to write about, actually.

Sometimes he feels so lonely because of this part of him. He is not lonely in the not seeing friends kind of way; he is lonely in the desire for depth of connection kind of way. He craves deep, meaningful connection and conversation.  His angst is genuine and profound this evening. Quite a load for such a young person.

I am so grateful that our relationship is so close and that we can talk about all of this. Otherwise he would feel so overwhelmed and even more lost. His heart and mind are so good; he reminds me of the wonderful human being that I married...he also reminds me of myself a bit...  I know that one day this young person will grow up into such an AMAZING adult person. 

I'm writing this now just to help me so sort through so much of the melancholy that he felt all evening. I think he went to bed feeling better though...

For now, he's hopeful that he can keep himself busy with his hobbies, studies, activities, and his true friends...and he's already looking forward to going to college where he might meet like-minded friends who he can...TALK TO.

Other Posts Like This One:
I Embrace My Feminine Side

I Find it Hard, the Letting Go
I Took John to Church
John Read My Blog 
My Parenting Manifesto 
That Hideous Dance Between Faith and Critical Thinking


  1. I feel for you both, having experienced this myself at some points in life! My son is younger (10 now) but we've also seen how there's a need there to connect with others who are like minded in various ways (we're an outside-the-square family too). We go along to different events and yes he's met some other kids and they've become friends, except these kids live far away or interstate. At this stage, most of the chat is about Minecraft and games :) But my husband and I have been thinking about what it will be like when he's a teen, and when he may be more in need of finding peers who can reciprocate and just 'get' him, much like you describe about your son. It's hard to watch as a parent, my son was talking to some other kids once using language that they didn't get, so one said in a rude tone "what on earth are you talking about?" and I felt crushed because my son looked taken aback and confused... made me realise there and then how important it is to find those right connections. I really hope you son finds what he's after, he sounds like the sort of friend I'd want my children to have!

    1. I experienced it too, Faye.
      In school I would actually TALK in class and people would give me "the look" and ask me why I was so weird...

      It's tough being like that.

    2. Also, I'm SO glad you commented. I felt weird posting this, like I'm thinking he's "too good" for other kids...that's not it AT ALL!

    3. ohhh I GET IT!!!! That sinking heart crushing feeling when people don't get where my son is coming from. Makes me want to cry!

    4. Me too!
      Just this morning he was saying something that made me want to cry; instead we hugged for about ten minutes... <3

  2. I feel his pain through your words Karen. Considering that this is the age where most kids are all about having fun and not talking about one's deeper feelings I can imagine it must be very difficult for him. I guess it's one of those life lessons isn't it. All good things will come to those that wait. He will find what he needs if he continues to shine is own light as authentically as he can. What about a teen philosophy group would that help at all?

  3. It is awesome he can and will talk to you....i failed that with my step son, and am trying reallly hard to be more of a listener and less of a fixer with his little brother. I'm not much of a talker about feelings..Edenland has shared more on her blog in a year than i have said aloud to my husband in 20! Good job momma. And really no tmi warning needed.

    1. Edenland has shared more in a year than MOST of us do in life. LOL :)

      Thank you, truly, for the kind words...I know that you can do it, listen more, talk less.
      To me, that is loving them!


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