I Took John to Church

atheists and death, atheist in church, children and death

We went to a Catholic funeral, wake, and Catholic mass this week for someone very special to a family member. It was a sad experience and we were all very moved by the loss of this very lovely and very family-oriented man.

For my kids it was interesting because they have not attended any churches for any reason in a very long time. In fact, they have only been in church for other funerals and for a graduation from a Catholic high school. John and I have been talking about his experiences and thoughts while in the church and during the mass.

I hope you will indulge me a bit because I thought that so many of his thoughts and questions were brilliant so I asked him to write some of them down for this blog.

Please know that he is very sincere with his questions and comments even though they may seem, to some, to be very rude or insulting. The following is John's writing in his own words.

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When I walked in I was instantly struck with the angel statues and scary mannequins along the walls. I noticed the giant alter display in the front and the words “Blessed in Jesus’s Most Holy Heart” and I wondered if there was also an unholy heart or, maybe an non-blessed heart? Is there a Least Most Holy Heart? If something is holy, are there different levels of holy or blessed?

I saw the cross and I thought, Wow, you really do worship this piece of wood.  You have made this symbol so holy...weird. Who decided to used that symbol as a thing to worship? You had so many other options and you chose that? Also, I wish he had more clothes on, that loin cloth is just too little...maybe a hat. Some other options for holy things to worship might be holy animals, holy sheep might make sense...

Behind us was a band; that was kind of nice. The sound system was really great. How do you get that job? Singing at funerals? Do people who play the organ think my life’s goal is to play at church? The songs...well, I couldn’t understand what they were saying, the words weren't clear, but if I heard them every week I might understand them. In my own head, I could make them say whatever I wanted. At one point I was singing “What is gooOOOoooing on…?”

The whole time I felt like I was doing an aerobics class...stand, sit, stand, sit, stand, sit, da da da da! Don’t people’s knees hurt after awhile? Can we just choose one, stand or sit, and just stick with it? Is there more holiness in standing than in sitting? 

If so, why not stay standing?

So we were there for a funeral mass. It seemed to me that the priest was saying This was a good man, he didn’t have a long life, but it was a good one. I liked that he said that; that message was inspiring and really didn’t seem religious to me. Then came the odd part where the priest said, let’s sing some songs and then we’ll eat Jesus. This man died so let’s eat Jesus! 

Honestly, it was weird. It's just what I saw.

When other people went up to the front for a cracker I was tempted to go up and get one of the crackers because I was feeling a bit peckish by that time.

I was confused with how they made the cracker holy and with just how much body Jesus must have! I mean, they eat part of it every week, right? It seemed like it was just a cracker one minute and then it was Jesus the next minute and the priest was saying Here is Jesus.

The shepherd metaphor, where he separated the sheep from the lambs...why don’t the lambs get anything? That’s kind of crap. Also, that part about I was naked and you clothed me, why doesn’t God do that part? Why would he leave his children hungry, thirsty, or naked?

About Holy Ghosts. Is he the only holy ghost? Who was he before he was a ghost? Are there other ghosts who aren’t holy? Why aren’t they holy? Also, why do they start everything with Oh God Who Art in Heaven, why isn’t he ever in the Bahamas on vacation? That sounds facetious but, really, does he have spare time? You'd think that with so many funerals he would be busy with that.

The mannequins are really creepy. Why are they there? Are they so holy that it is so useful to have them there?  Because they are creepy! Who is the guy holding the really long stick, cross thing? Is that for poking fires?

If the cross is holy, are the nails holy? The chalice is holy, right? The crown of thorns is holy, right? He, in general is holy, so why not the holy nails? You could build a church with holy nails and a holy hammer, you know, a hammer from the person who nailed him to the cross.

Also, why do I have to give my life to God? Doesn't he get my soul afterwords for all of eternity?

Back to the funeral, then we went to the cemetery where everyone in heels had their shoes sinking into the ground. The minister seemed to say the same things again that he'd said at the church. We give him to you...again. The cemetery was very pretty. From one angle one of the trees looked cel-shaded. It was cool.

If Mary was the Immaculate Conception, who were her parents? Don't you think she has an existential crisis by not knowing her parents?

I asked Mom about many of these things later and she explained them, their origins, their intentions. So I know some of these answers now.

 I am honestly questioning these things. I intend no rudeness or insult. 

Even if they seem funny, they are my actual thoughts and questions.

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We mean well.