Carnival of Homeschool Parents
Let's begin with this, despite your inner narrative, You are real and you deserve your successes.
I don't know why most of the human condition is the way that it is. I don't get it why we have to suffer and struggle with painful emotional issues and psychological disorders. It doesn't make sense that our own thoughts would fight us, work against us, undermine us.
Intellectual fraud, that's what imposter syndrome is, what it feels like. It's the sinking suspicion that you don't deserve your success, that others can see what a phony you are. It's the fundamental inability to accept your accomplishments.
So why am I talking about this?
I remember the day that I realized that I felt like an utter fake.
I was in my late twenties and I was in a position of authority at work. I had an amazing reputation, a reputation that I had earned. But still I felt like a phony. It was weird. What I remember about those years, thirty years ago, is that I was working hard. Staying late. Doing more. Always learning. No one gave it to me; I earned it. So why did I feel so unworthy? It was weird.
And, know what? It's not uncommon.
You might have experienced it before.
Many successful, hard working people experience it at some point in their life.
What To Do About It?
Remember this one thing: Thoughts and feelings aren't facts.
First, realize that the script in your head needs rewriting. So start out by riding the fear and doubt and by continuing to do your thing. Then, start saying nice things to yourself, possibly including reminding yourself of your successes, your accomplishments, your best qualities. Notice the positive feedback others are giving you without discounting that feedback.
Feeling like a fraud is an unfair attack on yourself. Our brains are bizarre things. Let's acknowledge that, remember that. Because our thoughts and feelings aren't facts, yet we are responding to them as though they are. They are merely events happening in our brains. Powerful, yet not real. While success and accomplishment happen in the world, outside of our brains.
Another thing to do to for yourself, ask your trusted friends or co workers to help you figure out your positive qualities. Ask them to help you bust the fraud idea with reality. Get some help enumerating your steps to success. Figure out what you mean by success. What would make you a real success? Figure out those points.
And then, create successes for yourself. Engage in activities that bring you small successes, that remind you that you are a worthy and accomplished human being. Take some time to look for evidence of your quality or success. Go out and make achievements your bitch. You're not fake; in fact, you're trying hard. You're not just charming; in fact, you're actually qualified. You're not lucky; in fact, you've earned your place. And the odds are totally against chance.
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If you are a freethinker, a skeptic, an atheist, an agnostic looking for either a therapist, mental health services, or a recovery program for yourself, have you been thoroughly discouraged by the absence of similarly-minded people in these roles? Back in the day, when I was in therapy hot and heavy, I was ALWAYS discouraged and annoyed that therapists were almost all exclusively Christian or almost all unable to keep their religion out of the therapeutic session.
With the caveat that I was almost 100% happy with my therapy those years ago, the religion thing was an ongoing issue. Some of the people who I saw were unable to keep the religion and woo out of the session and I just, often, gave up on those therapists and went looking for someone else... Even those who, when questioned, would say that they were capable of doing secular sessions with me, could simply not keep up that part of the original bargain. Some people even brought in their New Agey woo, in spite of my specific requirements that all of this woo remain outside of the relationship.
Some of these people honestly can't help themselves and have no idea of how to help people without their magical ideas. It's incredibly discouraging. Especially since the vast majority of people in the mental health field bring their religiosity to their work when, I believe, clients would benefit from evidence-based practice one hundred percent of the time.
Because of my frustrating experiences from Back in the Day, I'm sharing here, with you, the Secular Therapist Project (STP), a sub project of the Recovering From Religion (RFR) people. The project started in about 2012 when the founder of STP, Dr. Darryl Ray started realizing the problem in the mental health world. Not only do secular, Humanist, atheist therapist EXIST, they are often concerned about advertising themselves in these categories because of their fears of not getting referrals from churches and other religiously-based agencies that frequently make referrals to professionals. So it's hard to find them, us.
Dr. Ray started and grew the STP and has passed it on to the current director of the project, Dr. Caleb Lack.
I've been in contact with Dr. Lack a few times this year as I went through the process of getting myself registered on the site as a clinician. I'm proud to be the 400th professional added to the list.
So, if YOU are looking for mental health services that are totally WOO-FREE, check out The Secular Therapy Project! It's there to connect you with a mental health professional in your area who has been vetted and who is 100% on your team.
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I see those people saying God PUT the fossils in the rock layers to TEST us and I think, that could have been me...because it used to be me!
I spent so much of my life believing that Good People believe. Good People are Christians. And I so wanted to be a Good Person. For many years of my life, deep down in an unverbalized part of me, I wanted to be seriously GOOD, yet I didn't quite know how to do that. I felt like a bit of a orphan, in a way, like a lost person in need of rescue.
If you notice, I'm capitalizing the word good because, at the time, in my mind, it was this nebulous OTHER, this goal that I had, without guidelines or understanding of it. Even if that sounds like of weird to you, believe me, as sad as it sounds to me now, it was a real desire of mine.
I was ripe for religion.
I
was very open to someone telling me what was Good, what was important
to be Good. I looked outside of myself for some kind of esoteric
knowledge, wisdom, or something that would make it obvious to myself and
others that I was Good. I was vulnerable to some authority to come along and to tell me the exact thing that would make me Good. And while I was heavily into the church, I was certain that I was on to something with this journey of mine.
I bought in to it hook, line, and non-Freethinking sinker.
I taught Sunday School. I did Bible study. I worked at the parish picnics. I supported the mission work that people were going on. I believed in prayer. I was doing all of the things that the Good People were doing...
I was really and truly convinced.
Today, I could STILL be this person!
I'm so grateful for my innate need to Learn More because that is the only way I found my way out. It was an unwilling path I walked at first, the pathway to atheism. My brainwashing was excellent and I am surprised, today, that I am not this same Good Girl, imprisoned in apologetics and rhetoric.
Can You Relate?.
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I don’t care what others think of me,
which is pretty damn liberating.
How many people worry that they’ll say or do the wrong thing
and
someone—god or a friend--
will judge or dislike them?
Those are shackles
we put on ourselves.
If there’s one thing I learned from being atheist,
it’s that it just doesn’t matter what others think.
I don’t need
approval – from anyone.
And when I screw up, I can forgive myself.
Kids Without Religion
I
have spent decades Dec!!! Ades!!!! of my life worrying. I used to worry a great deal about what others thought, kept myself buttoned up and tamped down, kept close tabs on my
emotion. I used to almost never deliver opinion publicly. Hard to believe, I know. Some of this tremulousness came from my slightly-anxious personality; some of it likely came from family-of-origin dynamics.
But those days are OVER.
Never again will I tiptoe around those who bugle their voice all over the place. Never again will I tuck my chin down, lower my eyes, and demurely take it. Never again will I doubt that my thoughts and opinions have equal value to every other person in the room. Because I and YOU have value and presence.
I Will not Be Quiet
If you spout your LGBTQ hatred, I will not sit quietly and let you have the stage. If you deliver a diatribe of your racist beliefs, I will not sit still and let your bullshit stand center stage. I simply will not be tolerant of your intolerance any longer.
But why? Because I enjoy the debate, the limelight,
the battle?
Absolutely not. SOOOO much no.
I detest debates. But I detest hatred and isms.
It hurts me inside, truly, when people throw bombs at the gay or lesbian or transgender, at the atheist, at the brown or black person, at the person outside of the mainstream, at the person courageous enough to stand up honestly and with integrity, at the person from another country,
at those living in poverty, at those marginalized in any way. It hurts me.
My heart is wounded nearly every day from the words I read online, from the voices I hear on social media. Yeah, inside I'm no longer quavering, but I'm wounded, pained. But I promise you this, if I hear one person standing on the head of another person, whether the object of derision is present or not,
I will not stand down. I will face the spreader of misinformation or the provocateur and I will tell them truths, point-by-point. I will stand up for the person whose voice is quavering.
I have had several times when my defense of the silent was considered rude. ME, the rude one because I had the temerity to confront the anger, hatred, prejudice. In some circles I am considered rude! But count on it, I will no longer tolerate your intolerance.
I will no longer be silent.
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I'm going to put it down, right here and right now. It's got to be said, even if I upset people. It's my right to be honest even it it doesn't make me popular, though I'm sure my friends will understand. Because I'm going to be totally honest, I can't help if the truth hurts.
I'm sorry to be so blunt:
People have the power to make a difference.
It is within our ability to inform ourselves and to vote intelligently. We have the capacity to drain the swamp, to create the country that we can be proud of, to vote people into the highest offices of our country who represent our real values.
Love really and truly means something.
In a world that is indifferent or difficult, having love in one's life is the only thing that makes survival a thing worth fighting for.
Things and ideas are not valuable above human beings.
We can war, both literally and online, about who is right or wrong, about what is better or worse, about what has value and what does not. But you are in need, I will help you regardless of your posessions or ideas.
If you can be satisfied with what you have then you will be happier. If you cannot, work to make things better for yourself.
When possible, help others up as well.
Beyond the basics, wanting more stuff seems to only create an unhappy envy. Recognizing that happiness and joy come from within will change absolutely everything for you. And hard work and determination for long stretches of time are essential to pull oneself up to a place where one can, finally share what they have. At least it worked for me.
Admitting when you are wrong is a wonderful learning experience.
Not only is it admirable and courageous to admit to being wrong, admitting to what is incorrect is always an opportunity to learn something. From new information to what the people in your life are like, admitting error and working to correct that error is a real character builder. Be open to the questions that arise from new information.
You see what you look for.
Some people see this as a golden, opportunity-filled planet with so much potential. Some people see the planet as a shithole.
Same planet.
Be aware of how your thinking contributes to the quality of your life. For most people, ones thinking patterns and habits determine 90% of one's happiness and joy.
You are valuable.
Each one of us is, yes, like every other. But each of us is also completely unique. When you meet someone else, someone from a different race, religion, nation, culture, take some time and get to know them. Your world will expand more and more. The person that you are will expand and become even more valuable with each new experience you have and with each new perspective you visit.
There, I've done it.
Sorry for the bluntness but sometimes a girl's gotta let it all hang out.
atheist blog
Beautiful things, beautiful people.
Have you ever thought about how attracted we are to beautiful things and beautiful people.
I wonder why. Is there an evolutionary advantage to possessing beautiful things?
Does a person with a beautiful face possess an evolutionary advantage?
Have you ever been around a really beautiful person? Isn't it weird how much of a buzz it is to be around a truly physically beautiful person.
It is more than the stereotype of how silly some men can act around beautiful women because women act different around beautiful people too. At least I do. I'm aware of it. It's not a sexual thing, it's like a buzz. It's like some kind of intoxication.
Imagine a beautiful face. We have to look at it; we can't look away. We begin to act giddy; we want to make the beautiful person smile at us; we want their approval or their attention.
I wonder why.
Some studies that I read tonight* as I studied this question suggest that when we see a beautiful face we assume certain traits about that person. We assume upward mobility, success, affluence, and a generally good life. Some studies further suggest that attractive people affect employers, politics, judges, police, people around them in places across the globe. Beauty is celebrated. It is privileged. It has power.
Evolutionary biology would suggest that beautiful people ensure the passing on of genetics by producing more offspring. I'm not at all sure that that truly happens, but an unspoken power exists for a beautiful person, male or female, estrogen or testosterone. Some people are willing to overlook a good number of unpleasantness of personality when a person is very beautiful.
I wonder why.
The other day we were talking about an old friend of ours who is truly beautiful. She possesses beautiful features and she's a lovely, accomplished human being to boot. The reason I kept thinking about this young woman was less about her features than about my own response to her. To beautiful people. I feel a strange euphoria around truly beautiful people.
Do you?
I wonder why.
* BTW, check out the links to some very interesting reading; each word highlighted is a different link!
atheist parent
We all have our own issues, you know. Some of us spend too much money in order to chase away the I'm not good enoughs. Some of us doubt our own abilities and lack self confidence. Some of us have unhappy voices in our heads reminding us of our past actions.
It's hard being a grown up; it's hard being a human being. We only know what we know and most of us inherit behaviors and thoughts from past generations.
I'm talking about this today because we, as a more enlightened generation of parents, have it within our power to really change humanity. We who are the current bearers of confusion, pain, anxiety, and messed up thoughts have tools at our disposal that can help us dispose of some of this crap forever; we can make choices that will allow us to pass on healthier and happier messages to our children.
What AM I Talking About?
Some places where the human race has been muddled, shamed, impaired, and awkward include healthy sexuality, expression of feelings, learning to handle anxiety and depression, confronting pain and injury, believing in ourselves, confidently being on our own side, choosing healthy things and people in our lives, choosing relationships, etc.
From sexuality to anxiety to anger issues, we now have access to internal and external modes of treatment and education to actively improve our ways of dealing with the frisson points between ourselves and the rest of the world. Nearly every adult has access to good interventions of our own issues and we need to gratefully and optimistically grab hold of those healthy interventions.
And why?
Partially so as to not pass those inherited or circumstantial issues on to our beloved offspring. Partially so that we can create our own life rather than live with the damaging crap that we inherited.
Are you game?
