With Apologies to Greta Christina

 

Whenever I can, I love attending atheist conventions. The several that I have attended have been over 2-3 days and have had some really wonderful speakers, events, and vendors. The first atheist convention that my husband and I ever attended was about 2012 or so, I think, at an event called Skepticon.

My husband and I had been chomping at the bit to spend time with others of like mind. We'd watched and listened to other conventions on purchased CDs and DVDs during the naughts with excitement. So we clearly remember the first convention that we were finally able to attend. 

Atheists like myself who now enjoy being open will recognize some of the speakers: Rebecca Watson, David Fitzgerald, Richard Carrier, PZ Myers, JT Eberhardt, Joe Nickell, David Silverman. And Greta Christina. Jerry and I felt amazed! The openness, the goodness, it was like taking a drink after being in a desert. Finally, human beings who were openly discussing issues that are so often glossed over in the world.

Greta Christina is a woman who has written a couple of "atheist books" and who is a regular speaker on the atheist convention circuit. I'm delighted that I've had time to speak with she and her partner over several meals shared at the conventions. (though I seriously doubt she remembers me at all. ) Her book Why Are You Atheists So Angry?: 99 Things That Piss Off the Godless is a book that I've read several times and have, even, plagiarized the idea of here on my blog.

This morning a video of her doing the talk came across my FB feed through two friend of mine, Pam and Scott. Listening to this talk again today brought up some other reasons why I, a totally kind and nice and positive atheist, am pissed off at religion. Strap yourself in.

• Today, a cousin of mine posted THIS DRIVEL; and she means it:

This crap is religious rhetoric that is ACTIVELY keeping us all trapped in our homes for fear of continued outbreaks and infection of this hideous virus. Over THREE HUNDRED days after our general and public knowledge of it!

• Now, speaking as a therapist working with human beings who are wounded, traumatized, pained, and shamed by their varied religious upbringings:
  
  
• SHAME. Good, kind, well-meaning human beings who are, now, living with a sense of being irrevocably wrong or evil or bad, all thanks to the absolute nonsense taught to them with the expressed goal of making them unable to doubt, question, think clearly, leave their parents' religious community.
  
  
• SEXUAL ABUSE. Again, good, kind, well-meaning human beings who are, now, living with a sense of being irrevocably wrong or evil or bad from having been used and abused as children for the sexual gratification of some grotesque adult who was unable to get their sexual needs met in a healthy relationship with a consenting adult. Not to mention the protection that the church has and IS affording the offenders, while shaming, wounding, and not choosing to support the actual victims: the children.
  
  
• SELF DOUBT. Good, kind, well-meaning human beings who are, now, living with a sense of being irrevocably wrong or evil or bad, ADULTS who struggle with those long-ago messages that good exists within this tiny box of what is acceptable, necessary, worthy of love.  ⃞
  
  
• SUICIDAL. Good, kind, decent, well-meaning human beings who are, now, living with a sense of being irrevocably wrong or evil or bad, unworthy of this life because their brain's unlikely ability to break through the brainwashing is allowing for questions, reason, exploration of concepts outside of the box. And the brainwashing tells them that free thought is sinful, unworthy, and not worthy of life.
  
  
• TRAPPED. Good, kind, well-meaning human beings who are, now, living with a sense of being irrevocably wrong or evil or bad if they question or attempt to live outside of the male-dominated, white-dominated lists of what is OK.
  From domestic abuse to racial disparity and white superiority to male-dominated roles in life, these good hearts, in addition to struggling to change life-long behavior patterns, also have to deal with the negative self talk that they've inherited from their parents, their community, their culture, THEIR GOVERNMENT and their religions.

DAILY, I am working with beautiful human beings who are tortured by the brainwashing and upbringing within religions. Grown men and women who sob, cry, scream themselves into exhaustion for the struggle of the hideous, ugly, bullshit brainwashing...


Pissed off?
OH, YOU BET I AM.
Me too, Greta.

 

P.S. Greta, if you're ever here, PLEASE leave a comment!  😉

Are You a First-Generation Atheist or Humanist Parent?

Escaping the mind prison of religion is a grueling, effortful, celebration-worthy event. There should be Hallmark cards. The thought liberation is a tremendously life-changing event that few people have the strength, courage, and integrity to accomplish. Myself, it took me over two years to find my way out once the journey toward freethought began. 

So, New and First-Generation Freethinking Parents, gather round because I have some words for you.

I know the stress, the anxiety, the fear: for I have been you. I know the awareness that you are blazing an entirely new trail, the knowledge that loved ones will not and cannot understand and may not support you, the stress of feeling unable to trust believing loved ones with the hearts and minds of your children, the brightening world that is still unknown to you. 
It is a lonely path to liberation, this flight toward freethought, one fraught with anxiety that our hearts and minds walk without certainty in the beginning. But stay tuned, for soon you will experience the light.

The old way was well-worn, well-supported, extremely public, highly-sanctioned, popular, easier...choking, false, cloying, limiting, bloodthirsty, malignant. This new way is honest, cleansing, saving, liberating, essential.

So how do you do it?
How does one move forward into this unknown territory, albeit into the freedom that one craves, when our parents and friends and other loved ones begin circling the wagons? How do we PROTECT THE MINDS AND HEARTS OF OUR CHILDREN? I believe that this is a major task, to raise freethinking children.
 
Did we expect the battle of integrity that would erupt?

Fully knowing the massive division of belief systems between our beloveds and ourselves, most of us leapt into freethought and/or humanism with sheer relief. The religious systems of belief were too unpalatable, too intolerable, too objectionable. Knowing we would be entering into a completely incomprehensible place to our loved ones, we vaulted into the fresh and clear air. Aware that we were leaving all that we knew behind, 
we bounded into the light of freedom of thought.

Moving Forward

So you are ready.
How to move forward?
Please stay tuned. I will be writing tons more for you in the next days and weeks.
For now allow me to leave you with one suggestion: find a community. Online, in real life, whereever you can find them, a community of freethought or humanist parents who can support you, from whom you can learn, who will understand your fears, and with whom you can be honest. This journey into the light is just that, a journey. 
You will continue to learn. 
You can do this.
And check back soon!

I welcome your questions!

~~~~~~~~~~~~
You might also like:
Should I Let my Mom to Take my Child to Church?
My Gift to You
Christian Mythology for Kids...and Adults

Cave of Forgotten Dreams

Cave of Forgotten Dreams

(2010)

I admit it, I'm a nerd about many, many fields of study. The Chauvet caves in Southern France have always left me in a state of awe, so I was delighted to discover this documentary deep in the bowels of Netflix. 

The film begins with a quick run around the old hills and rivers of southern France where Chauvet cave is hidden. The landscape speaks of eons past for it is old old old. Our guides appreciate the magnificence of the way we travel and we fall into silent reverence, awe. When we finally see the entrance to the cave we see that authorities have sealed it and have actually placed a locked steel door to protect the delicate balance of chemistry and biology and artistry within the cave. The original entrance to the cave suffered a massive landslide thousands of years ago and is now buried within about fifty or more feet of rubble and crystal stalactites. What an interesting thought to ponder, that the immensity of time allows for both the masterpieces inside to have been created, a massive landslide, and another amount of time for that additional fifty feet to develop stalactites and stalagmites that nearly form columns...

The gorgeous shots of these crystal-covered pillars is truly breathtaking. Can our human observation of these columns adequately appreciate the beauty of Nature's ways? Can we appreciate the immensity of the creation of this single cave chamber through utterly natural, knowable forces? Does it move us that this chamber existed completely without humans' awareness for eons? Is it my mind alone that struggles to process such reality? 

We move forward into a chamber only to be welcomed by a massive bison, as though the artist could barely contain his delight at the discovery of canvas worthy of his dreams.

In fact, the paintings are absolutely transcendent to me, yet it is the time passage that makes my mind stop and pause... I cannot grasp the idea of thirty-five thousand years. I want so much to imagine the one who carried the flaming torch deep into the cave, rubbed that torch over the side wall to clear it of ash, and then painted his own handprint onto the walls. I want to, for a moment, enter into that flash of time when an artist actually scraped the cave wall free of crystallized coating and painted true images of paleolithic horses and bison with such accuracy. OR that next moment, possibly five thousand years later, when another artist painted bison, rhinoceros, and ibex onto the same walls, now, again, glazed with crystal.

The silence so deep, my own heartbeat in my ears, there he is...fingers full of red ocher, confidently recreating the abundance of life...or calling out to the spirit of those animals? The dark so deep. Where my light does not shine remains as it has been for an eon, pitch and lightless. The bones of cave bear at my feet are already beyond age and I am here where no one will again step for another age. There, the skull of a cave bear completely clothed in crystal. It is silent here, yet not, for the earth itself has a voice of its own. He works alone, stooped, broken finger, lost in the dreams in his mind. 

He dabs orange pigment into the wall making a leopard pattern, sits back and appreciates his work. He alone has done this. He alone knows of the secret of these cave walls. His name is unknown today. His hands have become legend, myth, dream. He is somehow as real as this room, yet shrouded, as indistinct in the time between us as mist. The time keeps him forever enigmatic and veiled...yet still before me...

Who was he? Can you see him?
Does his humanity call to you?


You might also enjoy:
Books for your Skeptical Children
February 12: Darwin Day
The Eyes Have It

Why Are You Angry at God?

Am I raging and wounded? Have I seen too much pain and unfairness that I have entered a period of anger at God? Am I in despair and feeling hopeless? Am I afraid that God has abandoned me in my desperation? Am I feeling that Life Isn't Fair?! Am I unable to locate any gratitude towards God?

In my time I have been accused several times of being angry at God? The Christian god, presumably. People making this suggestion to me never ever  take my reply as honest. They simply cannot accept the reality that No, I am surely not angry at your god.


The truth is, I have no anger whatsoever at any so-called deity.

I do have anger at religion, tons of it. The organizational, structured  shame and guilt and abuse and prejudice and hatred and misogyny. 

I have anger at cover ups, abuse of power and religious political power, tens of billions of dollars of financial abuses, overt lies and manipulation, all religious wars, massive sexual abuse scandals that are forgiven by church authorities, encouragement of faith over reason. 

I'm angry about every single effort to defeat true knowledge in the place of religion, inculcating children into the fantasy of religious belief, at religious teachings taught in classrooms and offered as facts to the minds of children, at prayer over medical treatment, at every effort to hide truth under the cloth of bullshit, at the fact for each and every single person who has ever struggled to understand something in earnest while being taught to stick with faith, and at every vile adult male who ever married or injured a young girl or boy well within the bounds of their religious practices or traditions. 

I'm angry that all doubt in the religious mind is told that it is the resident demon putting those thoughts into their head. UGH. 

I'm thoroughly disgusted that outrageously and overtly powerful people are thought to be humble.

I'm disgusted for every single penny or other coinage with the words In God We Trust on them, for every misappropriation of false history passed along, for every single person on their knees in prayer with tears streaming down their faces with the belief that that action is their only option, for all of the church history that has been falsified, and for every single young person struggling with the guilt of absolutely normal maturity and sexuality. 

I am fully disgusted at the ostentatious wealth of the Catholic church, much of it stolen from conquests, while the church de facto encourages and supports poverty.

I'm saddened tremendously by the people who believe in some nether-regioned bad guy that is after them and all of the anguish that accompanies this belief. 

I find it a huge loss that few religious people ever seek to understand the incredibly beauty and vastness of the universe. Just think of the millions of minds that have been handicapped by religious belief.

I'm angry that people spend so much of their sincere effort to figure out the Will of God, that the church demonizes nearly all sexual practices, that atheists and all people of logic and reason are considered the least trusted people in this country, that people of all ages anguish and fear the concept of hell, that all ridiculous stories that make no sense in the holy books are treated as absolute fact or real history. 

I'm disgusted with the entire vile concept of Biblical Parenting, that believers are encouraged to discount, cherry pick, or misrepresent the words of their holy books yet those same books are treated as sacrosanct, that perfectly well-meaning, truly good people are encouraged to stick with faith over their own decision-making reasoning abilities, and that this country would never elect an openly atheist into positions of power. 

I'm ridiculously angry that a woman's right to personal autonomy has become a favorite witching call of the religious right.  

I am angry that, were I to die at this moment, some of my family members would believe that I was burning in hell for all eternity, and this is the religion that they choose! 

The more fundamental the religion, the fewer rights women have. 

I am angry that the powerful religions on this planet that still exist do so by having exterminated the other religions that existed before them, by torturing people into fearful belief, and by every other violent and forced method of spreading a belief system.   

I'm genuinely angry that genuinely GOOD people honestly have been convinced that it is their religion that prevents them from committing horrific acts of murder or rape.

I'm angry that the best fricking thing we have to offer people attempting to recovery from addictions of all sorts is a treacly religious 12 Step program.

I'm disgusted that religious families are tragically encouraged to abandon family members who have differing beliefs or understandings of the world.

It is abhorrent that wealthy church members are powerful church members, that people in poverty are encouraged to embrace and accept their position of powerlessness.

I'm angry that adults all over the planet are satisfied with not knowing things, and that the churches systematically install so many of the feelings inside of a believer that confuse them so very much.

I am livid that CHILDREN are taught to fear, reject, revile, hate people different from themselves. 

I'm angry that my children and all children of reason often have felt like they wanted or needed to go into hiding due to the pressures or disdain from the believers around them and that those same children have been told that they are going to hell. 

I'm angry that most third world countries are so mired in evangelized missionary doctrine that they are stripped of their own powers and of their own belief systems.

I am truly disgusted with the entire concept of sin and how the church teaches and controls and tortures the emotions of adherents with it. 

I'm angry that the majority of people in this country are religious and that any effort to secularize the government or the culture is treated as UNFAIR or as a THREAT to religion. 

I'm angry with the smarmy well he believes in you  type of person out there. 

I am angry with the teaching that we are all inherently evil people and that the only way to salvation is through the church.

I'm angry as heck that so many truly good people anguish over the possibility of losing a freaking afterlife rather than finding ways to make this life a truly good, just, loving, and meaningful one. 

I'm angry that autonomy and personal power are not important tenets of the religions of the world.


Am I angry with a god?
Not at all.
It turns out that I am angry at the power-hungry narcissist human beings who control the hearts and minds of so many people on this planet using religion as their walking stick.

What do you think? 

Addendum:
I've continued thinking about this and I have some other things that I am angry about that religion has been the direct cause of.
I'm angry about the Crusades. Have you ever read about the bloody journeys of the  Crusaders? The Childrens'  Crusade?! It is horrendous. 

I'm angry about the witch hunts that happen in all cultures all over the world in all of time (including today), fear of witches and demons is really fear of the power of women and I despise it. 

I'm super angry about the entire relationship of Galileo with the church, I don't care how humanely the church thinks it treated him. And the church can take their forgiveness of him and KMA.

I'm angry at all of the many times the reining religion either destroyed the people and accoutrements of the defeated religion or absorbed it into their own and then claimed ownership, including revised history. 

I'm angry at the destruction of places of learning, museums, schools, etc all through time. 

I'm super angry about the entirety of what is often called the Dark Ages, when religion held sway and all science of the time was either far from the reaches of the church or done in secret. Who can measure the losses?  

...And I'm still angry about the Library at Alexandria.  Who knows what treasures were destroyed for Mother Church? It boggles the mind what has been lost...

But angry at any deity? NO, still the narcissistic, power-hungry humans that created and maintain the fallacies of the religions of the world.

________

If this post spoke to you you might also enjoy these posts:
So...What if You're Wrong?
Out and Open and Wanting to Say it Tonight
Ghosts and Bedtime
Science is Your God
Your Life Has No Meaning

So...What if YOU are Wrong?

atheist blog

A surprising number of adults that I know frighten themselves so much with belief in supernatural things. Demons and scary afterlives and ghosty things and evil doers. The fear of these things affects their lives so strongly that they have nightmares and anxiety and distress. And worse, these fears limit their ability to truly love people and to foster peace and connection. Belief in these things also make some beloved people seriously concerned about my complete atheism, thereby bringing themselves even more concern and vexation. I want to ask them one question: What if you are wrong?

What if there is no such thing as magical realms and spooky spells? What if the only evil is intention? What if the end of our physical life here on Earth results in our molecules rejoining the sublimity of nature and this infinite cosmos? What if all of the entities that you fear, every single one of them, is a figment of the fearful imaginings of Men? What if our species was more ennobled by pride than by guilt?

What if there was only earth and stone below us and above us only sky? What if the only one who knew the deepest contents of our heart was us? What if no unseeable spirit was judging us? What if there was no such thing as magic, luck, blessings, curses, or damning? What if we discarded the concept of sin and focused more on character? What if logic and reason were valued above faith? And, even more, what if all things were knowable and faith was not required or even praised?

What if our intentions were more powerful than any overseeing entity or church? What if each heart and mind trusted itself to make decisions based on justice and humanity and intellect? What if our species wasn't limited by age-old doctrine and dogma that seems to have no basis in reality? What if we revered and honored intelligence, kindness, effort, achievement, and innovation? What if all of the words spoken to an unknowable entity actually fell onto the ground, yet still helped you to discover answers and peace? 

What if all humans are truly created equal and no doctrine or claims could change that? What if this moment here, now, is the most important moment of your existence? What if the utter humanity of suffering was comforted and loved with kind hearts? What if the moments of your existence are utterly finite and counting down? What, then, would you change? 

What if every bit of war, rancor, divisiveness, hatred, and hostility over philosophical or religious doctrine would disappear in an instant because they no longer made sense in a secular world?

What if black cats and full moons and four-leaf clover were simply equal parts of our natural world and contained no special meaning? What if we stopped judging people on their adherence to black-and-white doctrine and started judging people on their ability to bring peace and love into their lives and the lives of others. What if we were to acknowledge the long timeline of our species and find awe in our continued survival on a frequently inhospitable planet in our imperfect carbon-based bodies? What if we were free to honor every form of life equally?

What if we were to discard the utter fear and horror of imagined existences after our death? What if we, instead, embraced the beauty and fragility of each moment of our lives and sought to elevate our selves, our community, our species? What if we broke down the limits of imaginary morality and, rather, researched, explored, and celebrated all ethical options available to our stretching imaginations and our growing comprehension of reality?

What if we stopped limiting ourselves because of our fears and we started stretching ourselves with our creativity, adaptability, experience, peacemaking, and community building? What if the millions of people killed or simply limited by religious institutions were, instead, elevated? What if you are wrong about all of the things you fear and that all of the time you spent on fear and guilt could have been used in productive and happy ways? What if thinking outside of the box rather than limiting yourself within the doctrine of a tyrant was possible? What, then, could you accomplish?

If you are wrong, Dear Believer, what, then, could your life be?

I Care About Crystals

atheist parent  blog

This week on social media I have seen a meme, piece of clip art, whatever you call it, that is actually upsetting me. I don't know how much you are on social media, but it can be a cesspit of innuendo, uninformed rioting, super bad science, pseudoscience, mythology, bullshit, and unarguably the worst source of breeding, progenitor-type nonsense. And once one person shares some meme of questionable voracity, everyone shares it.

It makes me feel corroded and drained...and I just remembered that I recently told you how I felt such a strong need to post And Now for a Moment of Science on my Facebook so often. But it's not enough.

I have already whittled my Facebook friend list down to bare essentials +essential family. Yet memes like this one still appear on my feed:

Yes, grown ups, get out your collection of crystals

 with differing vibrations and cleanse them.

As Rachel, a woman on an atheist parenting group that I participate on at Facebook, said:

And why, you might be asking, do I care? Live and let live and all of that. This type of belief isn't hurting anyone!

Why Do I Care?

I care about this because so many of these people are adults with children. They are raising kids and passing this nonsense on to their waiting children, thereby crippling the minds of these children. I care because one of the smartest sciency kids I know just told me yesterday that she does not NOT believe in ghosts. I care because this crap is all over social media and is treated as fact. I care because ADULTS I know actually believe in genuine freaking guardian angels. I care because the weight of time and space this kind of thing gets is enormous.

I care. But what can a person do?

  Maybe I'm too grumpy to write about this...  

Dennis's Conversation: A Non-Deconversion

atheist blog atheist blog atheist blog atheist blog atheist blog atheist blog atheist blog atheist blog 

I suspect most open atheists experience that phenomenon where we are the Atheist Friend for some believing people. I'm quite open and approachable (I guess) because I believe I represent atheism to many people both online and in real life. 

One guy who lived in my old neighborhood when I was a kid seems to have cozied up to me on Facebook as his favorite atheist. I will call him Dennis. Although Dennis was a part of the beautiful freedom when I recently unfriended about a hundred people from my friend list, we seem to be able to still communicate by FB messages. I mention this because I got an interesting question from him the other day in a FB message.

When you at one time you read your Bible did you ever look at God has the Redeemer ? God can make a bad situation good God doesn't do it by doing miracles in the Old Testament He does it by entering into a covenant relationship. This is just a thought they I had. The covenant start with Gen. Chapter 12

My conversation in FB messages with Dennis has been going on for a couple of years. Part of the time he's totally over religion and the mind control while the other part of the time he's trying to explain his continued belief. I know he struggles with breaking out of the brainwashing and with trying so hard to find ways to maintain that belief. It's all complicated by the fact that he makes his living as a minister.

When he is out of belief he is incredibly angry at the church, at the teachings as brainwashing, at all authority within the church for spreading lies, at the emptiness of it all, and at the nothingness of prayer. When he is in belief he genuinely accepts the words in that religious text that so many believers venerate.

I know you can forgive Dennis's spelling and other writing errors for his sincerity:

God wants a relationship . Their's evil in the world but on the side God is the way out because God is the provides the way out by redeeming us

Obviously, the other day was one of those days when poor Dennis was trying to reconcile some pretty bad stuff going on in his life with the supposed fact that God is good and will make life better for his believers. Both Dennis and his wife have some quite awful chronic pain and physical handicaps and, in spite of major dollars spent they are both still in a great deal of pain.

His question for me, about whether or not I have a relationship with god, is his usual way of trying to figure out why he believes what he does by asking me to figure it out, tease it out, explain how it makes no sense to me. Sometimes, after I've given him my thoughts on the subject that he presents, he will reveal his own doubts and other times he will post continuing rhetoric usually spoken by believers in conversations such as this.

This time I replied:

Yeah, [Dennis], but you seem to have forgotten something extremely vital to this discussion. I don't believe in ANY gods, including yours. So having "a relationship" with a fictional character doesn't make any sense. 

Furthermore, I don't believe that the way to "Good' in the world will come from having a supernatural connection to something.

Good will only come from choices that HUMANS make to improve our world.

His congenial reply:

Very true it was just a thought. [My wife] is in remission from the pain . So each pain free day is a blessing from God. The seizures have all calmed down. I deeply believe it's all by the Grace of God

I referred Dennis to The Clergy Project, a confidential online support community for current and past clergy who no longer hold any supernatural belief, a couple of years ago and he thanked me profusely. Now he's back to belief. 

For some people, the road to deconversion is a supremely long one. Others never find their way entirely down it. But I understand the pain and struggle...which is why I'll always remain open and welcoming to anyone who needs to have that one single Atheist Friend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You might also enjoy these posts:
An Unexpected Benefit of Deconversion
It Takes More Faith to be an Atheist
You Deny God Because You Want to Sin

December Ideas for the Secular Family

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I've had it in my mind for awhile now to offer some ideas for holiday ideas for December for the secular family. Since I am awake late (early) tonight, this is the night (morning). In another blog post I talked about how important it is to create your own holiday practices and to enjoy the freedom to explore ideas the make sense to your family this month. 

In that vein I have been gathering ideas for alternative December traditions that you and your family might consider this year, or next. This list is simply a collection of ideas that I have come up with for this blog...there are certainly more and better ideas to explore and to consider. What will your family do to make your holiday meaningful?

• Turn off the screens and make holiday crafts for decoration or for gifting.
• Make your own holiday cards for mailing.
  And I don't care what others say, I LOVE the family letters that come in cards.
• Spread pinecones with peanut butter and nuts for hanging in the boughs of winter trees.
• Enjoy dreidel night or a scavenger hunt.
• Explore any other cultural December event you can find.
• Read a holiday themed story together.
  By the fireplace if you can.
• Go ice skating as a family.
• Gather friends and go caroling.
• Google Hangout with far away family during holiday gift opening.
• Volunteer at your local homeless shelter or meals on wheels.
• Adopt a family. Provide them with dinner, a tree, and gifts.
• Secret Santa among family members.
• December 1st begin collecting a gratitude list. Read it together on Christmas eve.
• Secret Santa: except, rather than gifts, do acts of kindness for one another
• Decorate ornaments for a tree. Keep some and gift them away as gifts. Have an ornament or decoration party.
• Go for a walk by candlelight.
• Hot chocolate and holiday lights!
• Sleep in front of the glittering tree. Have a slumber party with the entire family.
• Get creative with gift package wrapping by creating reusable bags or repurposed wrapping. Go green.
• Create a scavenger hunt for gifts or for nature items.
• Create gifts of warm socks, scarves, hats, or mittens for the homeless.
• Donate books to your local library, preschool, nursing home.
• Host a cookie sharing party.
• Include letters and art work in gifts to family. 
• Go for a bike ride.
• Host a bonfire
• Decorate your tree with something unusual. Jewelry. Beads, Household objects. Pine cones, seed pods, and natural things.
• Invite strangers or new friends to spend the holiday with you.
• Give the gift of service for use through out the year.
  Grass cutting. Meals. Child care.
• Game night.

What will your family do to make your holiday meaningful?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Other Posts You Might Enjoy

What About Christmas?

'Tis the Season

Secular Sponsorship and Service

Books for Your Skeptical Children

A Secular Merry Christmas

Kathryn Wants to Know: When Family Doesn't Support Secular Parenting

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Question from a Reader:

Good evening,
I'm a newer atheist (3 years or so), and I'm expecting my first child April 2016.
My husband and I were both raised christian. My fathers side is VERY pushy and always criticizes my "beliefs." When they found out that I was pregnant they all started questioning how I was going to raise the child. I want my child to find who they are on his/her own without anyone pushing beliefs on them. I'm not sure how to respond to things like. my cousin asking if she could send me Babys first bible...
I already feel like an implant in the family. I don't want my child to feel the same.
How did you overcome these battles with family? 

Thank you,
Kathryn

My Reply to Kathryn:

Kathryn, first, I wrote this blog post early this year; maybe it will help:  http://taytayhser.blogspot.com/2015/01/dealing-with-confrontive-family-member.html#.Vi58PberTIV
But more importantly, I think that you may be sensing that everything is about to change and that you are leading the revolution. I fear your struggle will be long term, Kathryn. Your dad's families' religion and their church has taught them that they have the right and the responsibility to bully people into following their religious tenets and, if that doesn't work, to up the ante and become even more overtly domineering.I hate to be pessimistic, but I fear you can expect may years of struggling with this. Unless I am mistaken, these people are assured that they are in the right and that they have the right to put in their two cents. In my own experience, some of these folks, people who I genuinely love, never get to a place of understanding and acceptance. 

My first suggestion is to realize that the way you already feel in the family, like an outsider, will probably not go away. I'm not trying to be unkind to anyone, only to prepare you for a likely scenario. Many believers hold on to a very strong US vs THEM model that is not based in love or kindness, but rather, is based in fear and stagnation of thought. Their minds are not open to considering differing lifestyle choices in any positive or agreeable way. You really learn alot about people when your words and actions announce that you are going to live your own life in your own way.

In the end, it is on your head how to handle their stuck way of thinking. I think my blog post mentioned above is a really good start to preparing yourself because you are going to need it. You may need to thicken your skin a bit in the months to come and understand that they can not understand where you are in your life. That leaves you in a position of power in one important way: how you respond to their efforts. With confidence and with continued learning and research.

I hope you find a way to be clear and firm in your resolve to raise freethinking children without feeling like you have to become a soldier for atheism. Maybe that confidence will come to you as you realize, more and more, stronger and stronger, that you are the parent and it is truly your right and your responsibility to raise your child to be a thinking and loving human being. Becoming this first-generation atheist parent that you want to be is a process. Keep questioning. Keep researching. Keep learning.
I know you can do it.

Enjoy that baby!

Do YOU have any suggestions for Kathryn?

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And PLEASE READ THESE POSTS:
Biblical Parenting 
Secular Parenting in the News...and I'm Loving It!
Heart Outside of my Body
Growing Up Godless 
When People Undermine Your Secular Parenting
Myths About Atheist Parenting

What if You're Wrong?

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One of the many common misconceptions and myths that we atheist parents hear from the believers around us, usually said with a horrified or frightened tone, is the question What if you're wrong? What if my belief system of guilt during life and heavenly reward afterlife is true?

What if you're wrong about that science stuff? What if you're wrong about how you interpret the fossil record with the concept of evolution? What if there is a glorious afterlife to reward a life time of worshiping our silent, absent, and often-cruel god? What if there is a hideously agonizing afterlife to punish for free thought and using logic and reason during life? What if we were right to heap shame upon anyone who was not a white, straight, male, monogamous follower of our god? What if we are supposed to carry the shame of being born a human being on this planet?

What if the sheep herders in the Middle East truly do know more about the best way to live life than any thinking person in the current era who uses compassion and love as a starting point? What if our earnest belief in a waterwalking carpenter from Bethlehem is absolutely essential for an eternal reward? What if the hominids of the past million+ years of time were alive a mere six thousand years ago? What if dinosaurs are truly misunderstood dragons? What if violent murders or silencing of innocent victims of rape by elders is truly the preferred way to handle the inappropriate sexual acts of those trusted, respected, or feared elders? 

What if women are truly here on earth in order to populate the planet until their bodies break down? What if the words of men were truly law? What if shaming normal or natural expressions of sexuality was the favored way to handle burgeoning young people? What if an all-powerful entity was truly responsible for the entirety of human existence on this planet? What if we had to seek authority outside of our own conscious to forgive ourselves for events that lead to lessons learned? What if there was truly a god who actually eased the suffering and pain of everyone on the planet?

What if a father blindly following voices of the unseen, insisting that he murder his own child, actually made the agonizing plan to carry out that demand? What if a flood of global proportions had destroyed every living thing? What if a teacher taught mercy but received none for himself? What if freaky Armageddon events were planned for all inhabitants of this planet by an unseen god or spirit?

What if I'm right?

What if natural laws like gravity and the laws of thermodynamics allowed us to understand much of the movement of the universe around us? What if human ingenuity and rationality allowed us to fly beyond the furthest planetoid in our solar system as well as to explore the deepest crevices on the surface of our own planet? What if the intellectual facilities of some humans on this planet caused us to begin to understand the progressions of eons of time, eons that are nearly impossible to truly conceive of within the human mind? What if human perception allowed someone to imagine particles smaller than the human senses can detect, and then someone found a way to actually detect them?

What if our species was able to figure out events that had happened here on this planet millions of years before our species ever became sentient mammals? What if the absolutely predictable movement of objects in the universe taught homosapien sapiens that natural laws govern movement and existence? What if we began to understand how our own bodies worked and were able to move toward better health without the need of magical incantation or intervention? What if our species began to understand that further research will improve understanding and that saying I don't know is the impetus for more opportunities to learn?

What if we gave up the enslavement of fear and embraced the questions? What if we began to truly appreciate all extrapolations of life and living? What if our people as a whole chose to explore true justice, equality, peace, global living, and appreciation for our limited resources? What if, just this moment, everyone on the planet considered the possibility that...what if I'm right?

Your thoughts?

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Check out our newest show on 

Brunch with The Secular Parents: 

What if You're Wrong?

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