It wasn't long ago I was sitting with someone, out on the deck, enjoying the sun, catching up; we were talking about the kids and how they are doing in all of their activities. College is great: check. Work is great: check. Friendships are great: check. Kids are happy: check. The kids are amazing: check. Stuff, in general is good: check.
I mentioned that my daughter struggles with some minor anxieties, namely an anxiety when it comes to calling people on the telephone. My chatting partner said Hmmmm, do you think it has anything to do with the fact that you homeschooled her?
Really?
REALLY?
Really?
REALLY?
NO, I didn't blow my stack, but I was very taken aback.
Will we ever get past the stigma of homeschooling, that thing where every single imperfection of my children, won't be attributed to homeschooling? Do we sit together, talk about our own imperfections and think Hmmmm, do you think it has anything to do with the fact that we went to public school?
Human beings are imperfect. We have fears and anger and turmoil and struggles and anxiety and down times and conflict and all of that. It's normal. It's noteworthy when these challenging things happen because usually we are fine and dandy and strong and happy and productive.
And FORGET THE FACT that nearly everyone on both sides of my family takes antidepressants. 😒 Being depressed is completely normal in this family.
And FORGET THE FACT that nearly everyone on both sides of my family takes antidepressants. 😒 Being depressed is completely normal in this family.
And now, to give space to the rant that I didn't do that day:
No one, NO ONE has thought about how homeschooling (and every other choice we make in this family) affects my children more than I DO! If I thought that homeschooling was not the right thing to be doing for my children, I wouldn't be doing it! ALSO, anxiety is everywhere in my own family of origin, is it any surprise that this child has a touch of it? And, if she had been in school we would blame the system! Furthermore, I'm convinced that her anxiety is so much better for having been homeschooled. ALSO, this is a thinly-veiled criticism directed toward me...from this person.
AND, WOW, my kids are cool!
Can we attribute any of their good qualities to having been homeschooled??????
No one, NO ONE has thought about how homeschooling (and every other choice we make in this family) affects my children more than I DO! If I thought that homeschooling was not the right thing to be doing for my children, I wouldn't be doing it! ALSO, anxiety is everywhere in my own family of origin, is it any surprise that this child has a touch of it? And, if she had been in school we would blame the system! Furthermore, I'm convinced that her anxiety is so much better for having been homeschooled. ALSO, this is a thinly-veiled criticism directed toward me...from this person.
AND, WOW, my kids are cool!
Can we attribute any of their good qualities to having been homeschooled??????
AHEM......I'm better now.
Homeschooling is bold and dynamic and unique and empowering. Study after study after evidence after proof and still I get this question? LOL...someone is out of touch...and it isn't me.
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Not to mention, how would her anxiety possibly affect her in a school setting? Do people not think of that? It could be that homeschooling is the best option for her due to some of the anxiety. I don't blame you for the ranting. And yeah, if she was in school and having problems, you would be blamed for that too. You can't win. I think people just like to criticize parents period, especially mothers. Nothing we do is good enough for some people!
ReplyDeleteKaren, I read your blog quite regularly (it's one of the few I make time for) and I'm so sorry I don't comment more often. It's down to my reading mostly on my phone and hating to type with my thumbs, but what kind of excuse is that? I'll make more of an effort.
ReplyDeleteI love the way you share about parenting and atheism and life, very open and honest. I simply love it. Don't ever stop!
This really hit home for me. I don't have a lot of local homeschool friends. (Your friend Ann is one of them.) Many people I know think my children are some of the most amazing they've ever known. Vibrant, interesting, intelligent, funny, well-behaved. But among those with whom I discuss some of the occasional challenges of raising children, this very thing you describe happens! Oh it can be soooo frustrating! Is homeschooling the reason my kids are sometimes shy and sometimes anxious? Don't I think my kids are missing out on fill-in-the-blank?
I always want to say, "Excuse me, weren't you just saying how amazing my children are and how you prefer their company to public school kids?" Aggghh! It can be very disheartening. My kids are just humans. And immature ones at that. They're non imperfect, no--they're perfectly human, just like me. With all the smiles and warts that entails. Of course I have their best interests in mind, of course I have considered the alternatives, and of course I'm doing the best I can.
So, from one homeschool mama to another: keep up the good work, my dear. Your time and efforts are apparent.
I'm a homeschooling mom, but fully public schooled and I hate hate hate making phone calls! Same with my cousin...exclusive private schools for her. I'd say a personal, not homeschool thing, and thank goodness for texting!!! I can't tell what people are expressing outside words on the phone and I find it exhausting to attempt conversation. Thhhhhhbbbbbt homeschool issue. No way!
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