Mirror, Mirror
“Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Looking in the mirror earlier, I saw a woman who dressed up with make up and everything tonight. Several hours later, some lipstick remains, pretty good stuff. My hair still has some "style".
Mostly I see a woman who is startled to be getting older. Surprised to not see the "self" that I imagine myself to be, that I feel like inside. That young me. I often do that thing, that second look, that "OMG Who is THAT?" look when I see my own reflection. I expect to see that young woman with a kick in my step and...good skin. Instead, I see her fifty year old aunt.
Mostly I see a woman who is startled to be getting older. Surprised to not see the "self" that I imagine myself to be, that I feel like inside. That young me. I often do that thing, that second look, that "OMG Who is THAT?" look when I see my own reflection. I expect to see that young woman with a kick in my step and...good skin. Instead, I see her fifty year old aunt.
But am I disappointed in that "self"? I can't say that I am disappointed at all.
True, I could be more fit. Definitely lose weight.
But the person that looks back at me is someone I would want to know. Someone I like. She tries hard. She means well. She attempts to live her life honestly, ethically, and with integrity.
I see a woman who feels joy and love deeply. She has smile wrinkles around her mouth and smile crinkles at the corners of her eyes.
Speaking of eyes, while I was at the mirror, I looked right into them. They are calm. Probably less attractive than they were when I was younger, but happier, wiser, more "me". Droopier on the corners, but peaceful, patient, honest.
I see a woman who has "risen above" so much. I see a woman who feels such depth of joy and peace in my life... "Back when," I would have never believed my life could be this way...
I could name a fairly extensive list of people who really don't care for me. Sometimes this bothers me alot. But I wouldn't change:
I am who I am.
And that's OK.
I have a small group of women who I look up to, who I wish to be like.
While I am nothing like them, I am all ME.
I call that a success.
I see a woman who has "risen above" so much. I see a woman who feels such depth of joy and peace in my life... "Back when," I would have never believed my life could be this way...
I could name a fairly extensive list of people who really don't care for me. Sometimes this bothers me alot. But I wouldn't change:
I am who I am.
And that's OK.
I have a small group of women who I look up to, who I wish to be like.
While I am nothing like them, I am all ME.
I call that a success.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Leave a comment!