Friday, May 11, 2012

Emerson - Mirror, Mirror

Mirror, Mirror

“Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies.” 
– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Looking in the mirror earlier, I saw a woman who dressed up with make up and everything tonight.  Several hours later, some lipstick remains, pretty good stuff.  My hair still has some "style".
Mostly I see a woman who is startled to be getting older.  Surprised to not see the "self" that I imagine myself to be, that I feel like inside.  That young me.  I often do that thing, that second look, that "OMG Who is THAT?" look when I see my own reflection.  I expect to see that young woman with a kick in my step and...good skin.  Instead, I see her fifty year old aunt.

But am I disappointed in that "self"?  I can't say that I am disappointed at all.
True, I could be more fit.  Definitely lose weight.
But the person that looks back at me is someone I would want to know.  Someone I like.  She tries hard.  She means well.  She attempts to live her life honestly, ethically, and with integrity.  
I see a woman who feels joy and love deeply.  She has smile wrinkles around her mouth and smile crinkles at the corners of her eyes. 
Speaking of eyes, while I was at the mirror, I looked right into them.  They are calm.  Probably less attractive than they were when I was younger, but happier, wiser, more "me".  Droopier on the corners, but peaceful, patient, honest.

I see a woman who has "risen above" so much.  I see a woman who feels such depth of joy and peace in my life...  "Back when," I would have never believed my life could be this way...

I could name a fairly extensive list of people who really don't care for me.  Sometimes this bothers me alot.  But I wouldn't change:
I am who I am.

And that's OK.
I have a small group of women who I look up to, who I wish to be like. 
While I am nothing like them, I am all ME.
I call that a success.

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