What to do When my Girlfriend is PMSing

OK, so you've identified that, indeed, she is probably PMSing.
Now what?
It's true that it can be a bit of a minefield at first, so it's no wonder you're confused. Each woman feels different and handles her own cycle issues differently. So how can you possibly know what to do, right?

The good news is that it's temporary. A day or two and she'll be back to her normal self. But these two days...Dude.
In the meantime, I do recommend that you arm yourself with knowledge and with a few suggestions.

As always, it's your choice what you choose to do at these times.
Just keep in mind that this will happen every single month. How you choose to handle it will affect your overall relationship over time. Of course, there is time to figure it out.


Here are a few ideas for you:

1. Ask her what she wants from you. She knows, so believe her.
2. Listen to her. Your attention shows you care.
3. She is probably experiencing low-key pain.
   Doesn't mean she doesn't want sex; she probably does.
   It only means that she might be feeling a bit achy-breaky for the day.
   It might be headaches, body aches.
4. If she prefers to be alone, leave.
   Let her do this thing alone. It's pretty darn unpleasant to be around her and she knows it. She's probably protecting you and she's probably embarrassed.
5. If she is craving chocolate ice cream, get two.
6. Check under the sink to see if there are enough pads or tampons. It won't hurt you to pick some up from the drug store.
7. Make her favorite things magically appear.
   She will cry happy tears and love you even more.
8. Use your words. She would like it if you would remind her that you love her and why. For some reason, she can't do this for herself at the moment and she wants to hear it.
   She needs to hear it.
9. She is doing her best. Her emotionality is never an attempt to manipulate you or anything. It's an unpleasant chemical situation, for real.
10. Be gentle and kind and patient.
    She will notice and thank you for it. Tomorrow.
    At the time she is in emotional turmoil; your quiet kindness will be very appreciated.
11. Be there. She really wants you to be there.
    If you're off with the guys while she's suffering...let's just say she might not understand that in the moment. Her interpretations miiiight be a bit...skewed.
12. Do a little research of your own on Pre-Menstrual Syndrome.
    The physical and emotion symptoms are well-documented.

 Extra hints for your peace of mind:

1. If she is angry or weepy, it's not really about you.
   Or about anything else. Or about nothing.
   It's weird.
   I promise you, she is trying to control it. But chemistry is super strong on these days. 
2. She's probably been in fear or in shame of showing you herself on these days.
3. These emotional waves are overwhelming and powerful.
   The emotions might swing rather dramatically rather quickly.
   You simply being there quietly supportive can be very grounding.
   Enjoy the moments she's able to laugh about it.
4. Listen, console her, hold her of she wants you to.
   And, hear this, she cannot help it.
   Tomorrow will be a better day.
5. Don't offer advice.
   She totally knows what to do.
6. Have a conversation with her on non-PMS days about what you can expect, what she needs, what to plan for.
7. She might cancel plans on you; staying home is comforting.
   Don't take this personally.
   Maybe even keep it in mind when you're planning upcoming events that you want to share with her.
8. And never EVER accuse her of PMSing.
   In the moment, or EVER.
   It's a real sore spot in the moment. And it's a rude, aggressive act at other times.
   Tomorrow she might even laugh about it, but not today.
9. It might be better for your peace of mind to, occasionally, take a break for your own self care. This stuff is not for the faint of heart. If she's got a sharp tongue, you are well within your rights to go into the next room. No reason why you should be a punching bag.
10. Remember, she literally can't help it.

Things she might like:

1. Low lights.
2. Motrin or Tylenol.
3. Some nice, hot soup.
4. A hot bath.
5. A glass of wine.
6. A reminder to rest.
7. Sex.
8. No sex.
9. A blanket and a puppy.
10. Rest.
11. A hot water bottle or heating pad.
12. Gentle stretches.
13. A book. 
14. Crying.
15. To be left alone.
16. To cuddle.
17.  A nice warm cloth over her eyes.
18. Romance.
19. Kind and loving words.
20. Going out on a low-key, romantic date.

Many couples can take months or years to figure out the best way to weather this monthly storm. If you figure out the chemicals and the calendar of the whole thing, you can plan for it so you're not surprised every time. Keep your calendar empty for those few days and plan for low key activities and homebody time. 

Communication is key. 

   What do YOU think?   

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Other posts you might enjoy:

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I'm here to offer you that much-needed advice that you are beginning to be aware that you need. You might not have the words for the question yet, but this is the answer:
She's PMSing.


First, how to identify when or if your girlfriend is PMSing.

1. She will tell you. Believe her.
2. She has a few tiiiiny blemishes.
3. She appears fatigued.
4. She is having cravings for chocolate or almost any other food.
5. She is particularly negative or pessimistic or weepy.
6. She seems a tad bit...moody. 
7. She feels overwhelmed.
8. She seems to need extra validation from you.
9. She's irritable.
10. She is either staring at you with daggers or she can't make sustained eye contact. 
11. She is sleeping more or not at all.
12. She is negative on herself.
    Don't know why, but it's kind of universal.
    In a sucky way.
13. She uses the word "bloated".
14. Her emotions seem to run from laughing out loud to crying in a matter of minutes.
15. You are walking on egg shells and you have no idea why.
    
    

 

Neutral Affirmations

So many of us work hard to improve our self-esteem and self-confidence and one of the common strategies for making improvements is to use affirmations. Affirmations are statements that we can use as a form of positive self-talk in order to get into the habit of substituting negative thoughts about ourselves to positive thoughts. You might be considering using affirmations for yourself or even for your child.

If you were to pay attention to all of your thoughts in a given day and to count all of the negative things you say to yourself in a single twenty-four hour period, how many negative thoughts about yourself would you guess you say to yourself? Five? Fifty? Five hundred? Some studies estimate that we have over fifteen thousand thoughts in a given day and that, conservatively, over 75% of those thoughts are self-judging thoughts. That can be over eleven thousand negative thoughts in a single day!

Think of that! Thousands of negative thoughts in a single day!

We know that it is our thoughts, conscious and unconscious, that strongly impact our mood for the day, that can limit our sense of personal power, that can impact how we feel about ourselves, including how hopeful we are in life, and can even affect our physical health. As a part of good self care, affirmations are often recommended or used to lift our moods, to improve our thoughts of ourselves, and to remind us to speak kindly to ourselves. You can see how you might use affirmations to help your child with their own thinking patterns.

But there might be a huge problem for some of us when using affirmations. They can feel incredibly unrealistic, absurd, and unbelievable.

I attract positivity to myself!

I am successful in whatever I do!

I feel an abundance of joy!

Today will be amazing!

Money comes to me easily and effortlessly.

I get love in abundance.

I'm always on my own side!

I can perform perfectly at school!

I am blessed with an incredible friend group!

If these affirmations are untrue I might become very resentful of someone encouraging them. I might even feel shame that such statements have no positive impact on me.

If you are one of those people who feel annoyed by, bewildered by, shamed, or just turned off by affirmations, here’s an idea. Consider an entirely different type of affirmation, something I call the Neutral Affirmation. These statements are neutral but true. They are the kind of thoughts you might have that would remind you to lay off of the self-criticism or judging of self and to, instead, use rational and true statements to challenge the negativity.

Here are a few examples of Neutral Affirmations:

• Some days are harder than others; I’m doing my best today.
  Today I’m OK.
• I’m working on accepting me just as I am
•  Feelings are not facts.
•  I can ride this wave and get back to work.
•  Professionals ask for support every day.
• With time and effort, I’m getting better.
•  I’m smart and capable.
• I can handle this.
• I’m not going to give up.
• I know who is on my side. First, I am.
• Just for today I will...
• I’m going to say something positive to myself instead.
• I’ll give it another try.
• Tomorrow is another day.
• I will not judge myself on cultural stereotypes.
• I can feel the fear and do it anyway.
• I am doing active work to improve my life.
• I notice I handle things better when I correct my limiting thought
  distortions.
• I’m not feeling confident, but I’ll still do my best work today.

Using Neutral Affirmations do not offer pie-in-the sky sentiment or artificial optimism to correct negative self-talk, but, rather, realistic, believable, logical, true statements to remind us to nip the black and white thinking in the bud. Neutral Affirmations can prompt our thoughts to challenge the many habits of distorted thoughts that we use regularly without even being aware of it. We are already thinking thousands of thoughts each day, why not work to deliberately improve what we feed our minds!

Work with yourself or with your child (or with your therapist) to create a list of neutral affirmations that can address your specific thought distortions.

What do YOU think?

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