Monday, October 30, 2017

I'm Weird. I'm Real.

The truth is, I'm weird.
I'm awkward. It's particularly obvious at the moment because I'm struggling with depression right now. I don't fit in. I can join in to most groups, but never really stay there. I sometimes crave a box to fit into but would never be able to live like that. I crave fitting in at times, but know I never really will 

I'm not afraid to be the lone voice. 
I'm comfortable being alone. I generally silence when others disagree with me. I don't require agreement. I read too much. I have a zillion and one things that interest me and I'm never bored. I see more than most. 
I am intuitive at times. I notice things. Sometimes I misread what I see.

I am authentically me. Always as real as possible in any given moment...and that's not weird or awkward at all.

I say the thing that others won't say, kindly. I say the truth I am living. I'm politely wild. I won't be what I am not. I make many mistakes because I'm not afraid of them anymore. I want to know more, always more. I'm enthusiastic about stuff. Fuck people's fears that enthusiasm is weird.

Knowledge is one of the currencies that I crave. The other is connection; connection, authentic connection is the one thing I crave above all things. Knowledge and connection. Yeah, that's so me.

I live on the fringes of all things creative. I'm not afraid to try new things, walk new roads, travel, but I don't like being led. I am attracted to people who are different from me; this is often seen as extra weird. I don't care. Don't tell me what to do. I love the adventure of meeting people who are generally outside of my white, middle-class, American person... thing. 
My oddball personality is unavoidable because I think for myself, of course this leaves me on my own quite often. I think I turn people off; I'm sure I do, actually.

I require deep emotional connection, something few can offer or understand. I tend to be quite sensitive to the feelings of others: more weird. 
And sometimes I'm quite wrong.

When I'm feeling stressed, I'm particularly emotional. Emotional enough to bring discomfort to the mix. I tend to give too much which can make friendships uncomfortable.

I am who I am be you king or pauper. 
But I'm weird and not afraid to be so.
I guess that takes some courage. I honestly think the world needs people who are unafraid of being less than. So here I am, sharing my reality with you.

Today feeling particularly less than...a bit too isolated...a bit too TMI... What to do about it?

Do YOU dare?

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