Our freedom can be measured by the number of things we can walk away from.
~ Vernon Howard
- My questions would be what has give you freedom?
- Was it from letting go of something, or from jumping into something new?
Of course, this one is perfect for me right now because I am embarking on a terrifying, exciting new journey. One that will take the very best of me. And while doing this, I'm also doing other new things, new to me anyway, and just kind of reinventing myself. (I'll say more about this in a moment.) But what's weird, if you had asked me two months ago what, if anything, was I planning on changing in my life, I would have had no idea. Weird to think of it that way.
I had no plan.
So what has given me this freedom at the age of 55?
I have, of course. My husband is always, eternally encouraging. The kids have done a fair amount of encouraging... But I think, one day, after being passed over for a fairly menial job, I got bummed, then angry, then determined. I decided that it was time to take my future into my own hands and to make a huge gesture. I decided to make it happen: I made the decision to do whatever it took to get my professional license back.
I had let the license lapse back in 2004, somewhere in the midst of children, homeschooling, carpooling, creating lessons, living a very different life from today. Somewhere in there, silently, without a second of notoriety or choice, I allowed my professional license to lapse: A GRAVE ERROR. This license takes a prohibitive amount of work to reinstate at this stage of the game. In fact, I'm not at all sure that anyone else has gone back to this profession so many years later...seemed to me that the licensing board was kind of playing it by ear a bit.
It took me several months, several hundred dollars, about two dozen leaps of faith into unknown air, and so so so much researching to get that thing back.
WORTH IT.
I, then, set out to find a job with a new license and absolutely nothing to show on my resume. I have been out of the field for over eighteen years. EVERY SINGLE TOP REFERENCE no longer exists, some people have died, agencies have disappeared from the surface of the earth, and I've even forgotten some people's names.
I felt pretty screwed. 😄
I've now jumped in.
I'm now employed and working hard HARD to get myself current and prepared to work with clients. GRRRRL, I'm stressed. I'm in a total hurricane of new information, skills, procedures, insurance apps, organizational stuff, orienting, so so much.
Who in the world saw this coming?!!!
But that's not all!
I also started volunteering for my local public radio station, our local station of NPR. It has been a freaking delight and I absolutely look forward to more chances to do this work. If you can swing it and if you like meeting people, I highly recommend it!
And, even more!
My dear friend Anna-Marie has been kind enough to take me on as a student of her hobby: stained glass! I've been working on a project that should be finished quite soon. I'm pretty terrible at it at this point, but that's not the point. I'm doing these new things!
Not only am I freaking myself out, I'm also making myself feel something I haven't felt in a long time: Personal Pride.
Personal Pride. It's exactly why I feel freedom right now.
It's the beginning point and the jumping off point.
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It seems so unfair, doesn't it, that for those of us who stay home with our children for a number of years that there is such a struggle to get back into the workforce, a struggle that many likely just give up on before really trying. Kudos to you for getting out there anyway and for taking that leap back into the working world. It was scary for me, that and going back to school and I was only in my mid-30s but it has been glorious the amount of freedom that has come from this (and, adding to that, my driver's license, something that took me 20 years to finally conquer my fear and get!). Still, it does seem like a damned if you do damned if you don't scenario for mothers, one that really needs to be fixed.
ReplyDeleteJaneen, you are so right.
DeleteThe "cost" of or "price" of staying home with our kids is extremely high, isn't it?
And scary? OMGOODNESS. I haven't thought to use that word yet because "swamped" and "drowning" are the best words of the moment. But yeah, scared too. Very scared. In a good way.
You know, because of our personal conversations, I think about you alot these days and I always welcome your insight. <3
Karen