Things Happen for a Reason

OK, a less facetious answer might be in order.

I have to admit that this particular statement is a pet peeve of mine, so I'll try to keep that issue out of this post. If possible.

If you go out there on the interwebs and search for the phrase Everything Happens for a Reason, you will find thousands and thousands and thousands of bullshit sites (OOPS, there is is)  that offer comfort, wisdom, or woo promises to people that the world, the universe is out there with intention. That there are powers and magic in the universe that know your specific life issues and that have a mapped-out plan for you. Legit.

Genuine adult people can go out there online and get the brilliant wisdom that, not only is your life mapped out, but the universe has such control of your life that you don't have to worry a bit. Nope. People come and go into and out of your life for a reason. Bad things happen for a reason. Crises come along for a reason. We are put through the nightmares of life in order to teach us a lesson. All of the ups and downs happen to us because there is a reason for it. The pain has meaning.

Who can buy this?
Even most Christian and non-Christian reasons hold to the idea of Free Will over predetermination. Most religions and other belief philosophies buy big into personal growth and self-empowerment. How are thinking people supposed to figure out the tangling of thoughts that include this particular trope: everything happens for a reason? This phrase, too, is just an inch away from There are no Coincidences. The truth is, it's all coincidence. Things happen. Weird connections happen sometimes. Nature happens. It seems to me that that this statement would add negativity, confusion, even anger to the mix.

What negativity?
Maybe questions like How is this pain supposed to have a purpose? What sort of purpose can some devastating losses possible have? How can a person accept the purpose that terrible illness or terrible violence can possibly offer? What lesson am I missing from this pain? What sort of power would deliberately add overwhelming and repeating pain and loss to our lives for any possible reason? What sort of power is so malicious or cold that their only means of teaching lessons is by wounding or torturing us with heartbreak, chaos, or grief?

My thoughts is, if you are seeking meaning in your life, comfort from something painful or challenging, looking for growth in your life, looking for closure, looking for personal life lessons, or looking to make sense of your life, I guarantee that you can find a better mantra than Everything Happens for a Reason.

For example, try these:

• I can handle this.
• I'm a warrior!
• Tomorrow is another day.
• Word harder. Work smarter.
• I give myself permission to rest.
• I'm not going to give up!
• Show up for yourself.
• Know who's on your side.
• I am on my own side. 
• Do no harm but take no shit.
• Be the courage you need.
• I am enough.
• I believe in myself.
• I can ask for the help I need.
• One day at a time.
• Just for today...
• Be the change...
• What can I do today?
• Everything I need I have within me.
• A positive mind brings about positivity.
• I am present now, here.
• Feel the fear. Do it anyway.
• I can and I will.
• Be fully yourself.
• Feelings are not facts.
• Find the beauty in today.
• Wake up every day and live it.
• I trust in me.
• Sometimes you need to ride the wave.
• Don't make permanent decisions for temporary feelings.
• Sometimes you need to put yourself first.
• I can only control myself.
• Life doesn't get better by chance, but by choice.
• Try again tomorrow.
• Be bold!

If you find comfort is Everything Happens for a Reason, as some people do, think to yourself, could you, or any third grader, think of a better way for an event to happen? Could you conceive of a better way to learn strength or resilience or self control? Is there any other way to learn self-reliance, bits of wisdom, or how to make time for loved ones? If you can conceive of any kinder, gentler way to learn your lessons, couldn't the wise universe or other power do so too? 

So, if you need a personal mantra, borrow one or more of mine...until you get one of your own.


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