The "Safe" Atheist

 

I frequently find myself in the role of explaining non-belief to the believers.

Good, nice people who are simply SHOCKED to discover that I don't follow their particular brand of mythology.  (GASP!  They will say.  "But...you are so...nice..."  Yes, I will answer, perhaps it is your assumptions that are incorrect here.") 

For the kind-hearted believer, I don't mind being their project.  I don't mind having them question me and, hopefully learn from me.  Doing this, I have had some wonderful conversations AND I have had the pleasure of seeing believers become more accepting of people who don't share their flavor of belief.

I am in the middle of one of these experiences now.  It's still early.  I don't know the fellow very well.  (My sister does, though.)

What gets me is his face!  The few conversations "in real life" we have had have been fairly time-limited and opportunity-limited.  But the funny thing is HIS FACE!  It always looks so far away and confused...  I can't figure out if he is going to attempt to convert me or what.  I don't continue conversations such as these when the person begins proselytizing.  But honest and polite and curious questioning is always okay with me.  But this gentleman just seems so perplexed by me.  I'm not sure he has ever actually conversed in this way with an atheist.

But I can't figure this one out yet...time will tell.
In the meantime, have I mentioned that he is a minister?

TOP TEN HABITS OF A HAPPY HOMESCHOOL MOM

I got the idea for this post from THIS blog: 
http://thisadventurelife.wordpress.com/2011/02/22/ten-habits-of-happy-homeschooling-moms/

What would I say are the best habits that I have?  Here is my top ten list...written before I could fully read the one listed above...so I can't use her list!

10.  Connect with other adults as often as you need to.  Some weeks I can get through the entire week without feeling that I MUST speak to someone who does not whine, throw ninja kicks and punches as we talk, or stomp out of the room in a tiff.  Other weeks, it's minute to minute!  The main topics of conversation range from gardening to reading to hobbies.  We almost NEVER talk about the kids!  But there are those days when we need to remind ourselves that we are capable adults!

9.  Have hobbies.  I have several activities that I enjoy on my own, around the kids, but not involving the kids.  I have some crafty things I do, reading, computers, yard sales, and blogging.  These activities I COULD share with them but I seldom do.  Honestly, it encourages them to follow their own bliss as well.  Mostly, I admit, it's time in my own mind.

8.  Spend LESS!  I have the urge to shop for more and better materials often.  But, I realize and remind myself, I have enough.  Plenty.

7.  Share the mundane.  The kids and I often talk about current events, family history, our schedule, upcoming purchases, people watching.  It is amazing what can become a teachable moment.  Just being alert to their questions, curiosity, interest, or confusion can be the start of a wonderful conversation!

6.  Free time!  I make it a point to make sure the kids are unscheduled, finished with lessons, and facing unplanned time.  These afternoons are the perfect opportunity for them to create something out of nothing.  Let them be BORED!  These are the afternoons that they remember the most fondly.

5.  I set down in the evenings after they are in bed and plan their lessons for the next day.  I check out websites, create work or practice sheets, unit packets, etc.  I have their work prepared for when they wake up.  That way, they know, in general, what work they will be faced with.  But the best part...I can sleep later!

4.  My daughter is awake late and my son is awake early.  So, although this means that I have my sleep cut at both ends, I wouldn't miss these times with each child separately.  My son enjoys the extra cuddle, read, talk time every morning.  We might get over an hour each morning before my daughter wakes up.  Sometimes these mornings are quiet and contemplative.  Other times they are fun and full of laughter.  In the evening, my daughter and I snuggle up and talk, play games, simply be together, beside each other on the couch as we read.  It's time I wouldn't miss for the world.

3.  Taking time OFF LESSONS is a wonderful time to regroup.  We, sometimes, put all lessons aside for the week and get out of the house.  In January we took some time where we were tourists in our own home town.  We had a great time and felt renewed and ready to get back to work after a few days off.

2.  I ask my daughter, who is 13, to sit with me as I create her lessons for the next day.  She will tell me WHAT she wants to do for lessons and HOW she wants to learn it.  It's amazing how much more cooperative she is...and she almost always gives herself WAY more work than I would have..!

1.  Avoid thinking of work by the grade level.  My son often wants to know the level of work he is going in math...because he understands math so well!  His work often comes from books intended for kids three or four grade levels above where he would be if he was in school.  Knowing that makes him feel pretty proud...but how would he feel if he knew which grade's work he is doing in spelling???  I don't think so.  So, I keep the level out of it and talk about "HIS level".  It is one of those things that a person could miss about homeschool that is just WONDERFUL - having your kids work at exactly THEIR LEVEL at all times.  ALL kids work at their own levels, actually.

So, there you go, those are my top ten for tonight!
What are yours?

Not Very Average

You will be extremely happy to know that you have nothing in common with me. You glide along through life like a leaf down a crystal stream. You tend to move in the direction everyone else is moving, and the road ahead of you is well lit, well marked, and mapped out. Your delightful children have been welcomed with open arms by everyone they’ve met, and your home is a sanctuary of peace, harmony, and good will. Best of all, your homeschooling experience has been the most rewarding and inspiring era of your life, and you’ve never doubted your calling for even a moment.

Absolutely nothing in common with me.

Me . . . my life has been slightly different. My leaf tends to get stuck against every wet shore and bottom of the stream, my course is random and full of stops and starts, and the road I am on has been steep up and steep down, ox bowed, and sent on unknown detours.  Frankly, I’ve been tempted to quit homeschooling more times than I’ve been tempted to cheat on my diet, and that is saying a lot. However, while my life in no way resembles yours, you needn’t feel sorry for me one bit. I like my life . . . actually, I love it - - every little bit of it - - it's completely me.

So many things in life seem designed with "average" in mind, don’t they? Airplane seats are designed for an average-sized person, cars are designed for average usage, time schedules are for those who arise with the sun and tuck in with the moon, clothing is manufactured for average, and bestsellers are certainly written for the average reader.  Our society caters to the average and I just can't fit inside of those boundaries.


Earlier tonight I felt such sadness when I overheard some parents talking with disappointment that their son didn't perform at school in a way that would have pleased his teacher. Or the first time my son was teased on the playground for dressing in his own inimitable way.  Or how my daughter felt getting "looks" when her clothing choice was her own unique style.  How in the world can "average" appeal to most people.  How can people be comfortable in the margins like that?  Frankly, I don't think that most people ARE comfortable there.

Homeschoolers have long been marginalized too, but over the years, we've earned our stripes.  Within the homeschooling community, there are now groups that help people fit in. There are Christian homeschoolers, unschoolers, Classical schoolers, Waldorf schoolers, Montessori schoolers, and traditional schoolers. Would you believe that I don’t fit into any of those either? We are secular homeschoolers, we've read some classics, but our exposure to Ulysses is limited to the silver screen, and I have tried almost every possible method of homeschooling out there over the years only to find that NONE of them are exact matches for my family. I suppose we simply don’t assimilate well.  But, the truth is, I love the welcome freedom to be ourselves, our unique selves.

And I have found a number of ways that life is meeting me head on and welcoming my lack of "average". Netflix started catering to our time schedule as well as our diverse interests.  Our homeschool group contains people from nearly every culture found in North America, and with people who enjoy the differences.  When my daughter decided to give middle school a taste, she was vastly interested in seeing just how "normal" she is.  She was pleased to discover that there was no "normal" way expected in that school that she was interested in pursuing!  And our home life is as far outside of the box as is possible.

I have learned over time that swimming against the current is actually inevitable for me.  When I embrace the uniqueness that I happen to have been born with, there is no way for me to completely fit in.   Many of my friends embrace their own sets of unique qualities also...  So, I expect and enjoy it that my leaf takes a few hits as it heads downstream. I'm embracing the idea of being unique . . . 

Because of this, I know that when I hit the river blocks of life, my path around them is going to be unique and all my own. When my children face their own challenges of being different, they have learned to celebrate those differences! Being different means being whole, I think.  It means being real.  It means having the integrity to be myself.

Come to think of it,  you're not all that "average" either..!

Parental Improvement

I am becoming a better parent!

I have learned SO many things about my daughter in the last six weeks or so and I feel like I am finally understanding her...and, in doing so, becoming a better parent for her.

Why is this news?  Why should I write about this?

Because, if you Google "Becoming a Better Parent" you will find thousands of lists of ways to change or add to your parenting rules.
You will find:  Punish for wrong doing, be consistent, make them take responsibility, limit tv, limit video games, use positive language, quit trying to be their friend, count to ten, make goals, work, be firm, learn how to say "no", etc...
Eh, not all of it is that bad!

But, you will NOT find, learn more, listen more to your child, and make sure that you KNOW him/her, make sure you are not taking your own "stuff" and putting it on your child.  Open your eyes, ask many questions of your child in an effort to get to know them better.  Pretend that you are just meeting your child and have them describe themselves.  You might just learn something!

I have learned so much lately and our household is a much more peaceful place!

Homeschool Question: How Will Your Children Ever Learn About Life?

My friend Rayven and her boys

Good grief, how can they NOT learn about life!

We are living our lives in our community every day!  Errands, lessons, household chores, friends, activities, and the other million myriad things that a family is involved in on a daily basis.  

What do you think, we live in a closet?!

Is this answer too snarky?

Look, According to the National Center For Education Statistics, http://nces.ed.gov/ ,  almost 1.1 million children were homeschooling in 2005 alone.  So families of almost 1.1 MILLION children have undertaken the responsibility of educating their children.  Doesn't it stand to reason that their SOLE PURPOSE for educating their beloved offspring is so that said offspring can learn about Life?

If a child learns from a family that is dedicated to their upbringing, don't you think they are learning how to live a healthy life?

So do I.

But what do schools really do? They separate their students by age and ability, reinforce class and gender stereotypes and prejudices, and limit "social" interactions to short recess periods. Schoolchildren are forced to socialize with children only their own age and are trapped in a building six to seven hours a day, allowed to view the outside world only through dirty windows and a textbook.  Dangerous school environments, extremely restrictive buildings, and teaching to the test...NOT a recipe for good "life learning".

Doesn't this bring up the question:  How will these children ever learn about LIFE?

Cheating, competition, bullying, consumerism, favoritism, addictions, cliques, and cruel teasing are often the social values children learn at school. Homeschooled children are more likely to base their decisions on values they learned from their family, friends, and unique preferences instead of feeling compelled to go along with the crowd and accept the behavior of what other children are displaying as the "norm". Clothes, music, books, art, goals, hobbies, activities, values.  These are places where I see such a wonderfully, vast array of interesting choices in the homeschooling children that I know. In fact, I can honestly say, my children are incredibly UNIQUE with such a variety of interests...all from following their own interests and seeing where they would lead.

Because homeschoolers spend so much time out in the real world, they are able to communicate well and get along with both adults and children. Research studies have often reported notably superior communication and social skills in homeschooled children. In fact, most even get along with their siblings! And this homeschooling family often receives  positive comments about our children's strong, warm sibling relationships.

So, are we still wondering if homeschooled children will learn about life?

Our Homeschool Schedule

I am frequently questioned about our homeschool SCHEDULE.  My first reaction is to *SNORT* and say, 'Man, you don't know me very well!"  Because I abhor schedules.  I abhor things that think that they can tell me what to do.  I'm fairly immature about this, actually.
But, upon reflection, I realize that we have created a schedule of sorts.  It is a way of operating that works best for our family.

John wakes up first.  He gets his day started with brushing teeth, cereal or other breakfast, and doing work that I have set out for him the night before in the homeschool room .  It is usually about an hour worth of work.  Math practice problems (his favorite), handwriting, journal work, and, usually, a history or science or social studies bit of reading with reading comprehension questions, and reading in his literature book.  He typically works for about an hour or so on his own.

By this time, Elizabeth and I have joined the human race.
I then do work, teaching lessons with them together.  It is usually critical thinking, history, current events, character and ethics work...

We work for about an hour or an hour and a half and then take a break.
After some relax time, each child goes off and does some independent work on the computer, in the kitchen, or someplace else.
We put in three to four hours on a typical day such as this one.

Afternoons, we are often out at homeschool co op classes, running errands, field trips, visiting friends, having friends over, library, any number of things...
Then, in the evening, Elizabeth spends about two hours (at least!) reading and writing.
 There you go, our schedule!  It includes practice work, lessons and lectures together, rehearsals, and independent work...

So, there you have it,
the schedule of an unscheduled homeschooler!

What is So Wrong About the Public School System?

Go to "Google" and type that question in "What is so wrong about the public school system?"
See what you find.
Go ahead.
I'll wait...


Oh dear, I got 35,000,000 hits on that question!
35,000,000 people who are all interested in publicly reporting their opinions on the matter.
I guess that makes me 35,000,001.

What is wrong with the public school system from our point of view?  Because that is what people really mean when they ask me this question.  They mean, "Why do you think that YOU are so special that the public school system isn't good enough for you?"

My answer:  because I choose it to be so.

We could be there.  We could be in the school, following a curriculum created by the state, the school district, someone ELSE.  We could be in the federally-funded building, subject to someone else's agenda; because, make no mistake, a public school is a government institution.  My children could be in that building where "learning" is entirely for the purpose of passing a test.  My child could be sitting in that room where the students read out of the book to one another and each child recreates significant bits of data onto another piece of paper.  My children could be in the school where children were subject to dubious "socialization".  We are all familiar with the terms underfunded, understaffed.

Instead, we choose to pursue information in our own way.  We choose to chase wisdom in the winds.  We choose to create our own sense of who we are and what is important.  We choose to avoid "dumbing down" information and allow our children to rise to the levels necessary to comprehend information.  We choose to keep our standards high, to keep our expectations high, and to keep this family high on the list of what is important.

I honestly and truly appreciate the wonderful teachers that I was fortunate enough to have while I was in school.  I remember Mrs. Stork, Mrs. Rompel, Mrs. Beisegel, Jane Mueth, and several others very fondly and with appreciation..  They truly helped me to become who I am today.
I am not here to DIS the schools, only to EMBRACE homeschooling!

Getting It Right - How to Choose Homeschool Curriculum

How do homeschooling parents know what to teach their children?
(i.e. what curriculum to follow for the specific grade level, etc.)

RIGHT!  
Good question!!!

Before you purchase curriculum, do some homework! There is a lot of curriculum available to homeschoolers and it can be overwhelming and expensive if you don’t do a little research first.

What does your state recommend?  Look at the homeschool laws in your state using the Homeschool Legal Defense Association at this link: http://www.hslda.org/laws/default.asp

At that website you will find so much information, you might just want to spend an evening reading on that site!

After that, think about why you want to homeschool.  Are you concerned that your child is “behind”, “ahead”, “lost”, not getting enough, getting too much, or the many other reasons that a parent might begin looking into homeschool. Think of those reasons. Materials are available for the struggling learner as well as for the motivated learner.

• Do you have a scope in mind? An array of materials that you feel are the right materials or subjects at this time?
• Do you want materials that will tell you what to say?  Materials that are designed to walk you, the parent, through the lesson, and give you the words you need to explain clearly?
• Do you want to proceed with “outside of the box” or non-mainstream ideas?
• Do you want to work on lessons for hours each day?
• Is your child ready for independent work?
• Does your child prefer “hands on” materials, doing it themselves, being read to, lectures, reading independently?

All of these questions and more are a good place to start as you begin your search for your own style of homeschooling.  Some parents feel free to pick and choose materials from across the spectrum; some parents choose a “boxed” curriculum; some parents do not purchase specific materials at all.

You Don’t Have To Make This Decision Today.

I give you permission to take all of the time you need to look at the various lines of materials out there.  

• Take as much time as you need to familiarize yourself with styles of learning.  
• Take the time to work with and talk to your children and figure out together what WORKS with them and what direction would they like to go.  
• Furthermore, get out there and make every effort to meet other homeschoolers, learn from them, talk to them, and ask every one of your questions!

Let go of the fear this moment. Go read with your child. And allow yourself all of the time you and your child need before purchasing or acquiring any materials at all!

Relax.

How to homeschool parents know what to teach their children?

By taking the time to listen and to learn.

As Marvin said, "What's goin' On..."

REHEARSAL!
Elizabeth's rehearsals have been taking up so much of our time!   And it is totally worth it!  This is her first time at the community theater level to have a lead part in a play and she is certainly up to the task.  I am frequently WOWed by her... seriously!  She has her lines memorized already...and that includes the FRENCH lines and the LATIN lines!  lol  She is really a delight to see on stage.
One day, as we were driving home from rehearsal, I asked her what I look like while she is on stage.  She puts on this HUGE smile and sits up ridiculously straight in her seat and squeals...
"THAT"s what you look like, Mom."

We are working on some interesting lessons lately.  John is still working on American Presidents, Critical Thinking, Central America, electricity, and a million other things.
Elizabeth is writing and reading constantly...when she's not at rehearsal..!

We've been happy to be spending time with Tim and Jessica (my stepkids, who are AWESOME!) a bit more now that their schedules allow it.  Tim is starting the police academy in January and Jessica is doing her part to save the alligator gar.  She is begging us to dig a six-foot-deep pool in the backyard for a breeding and protection project she has dreamed up.  If I don't watch Jerry carefully, we could have these beasts spawning in our backyard before you know it!
And alligator gars are NOT attractive fish!

We are also doing another thing that I HIGHLY RECOMMEND!  We are hanging out together!  We are doing puzzles, playing board games, reading together, seeing Grandma, dancing, laughing, and just doing NOTHING together.  It is great...why don't we do this more often?

For our loved ones and friends, I hope that your December is just as you want it to be, filled with those things that you find meaningful and joyful.

Peace.

Homeschooling: Chapter One

atheist homeschool

You return home from the library with your arms full of books:  HOMESCHOOL SELF HELP BOOKS.  Your husband will see them, pause, and say, “Honey, you promised yourself to not bring home anymore ‘how to homeschool your child’ books.  Remember?  You promised me!!!"

"Remember the last time? Remember how late you kept the kids up last time reading Twain, Ptolemy, Shakespeare? Honey, the kids are just now beginning to lose the whimper while they sleep. Our oldest has almost stopped the tic, it's almost unnoticeable now. Remember that time you didn’t sleep for forty-one hours straight while trying to construct a time line? The one that started in bedroom, ran down the hallway, around the house, and into the family room...

"Honey, please, remember the schedules? The attempts to create a homeschool curriculum from birth to age eighteen? The three year plan??? The single year plan? The monthly unit studies? Honey, do you remember the weekly memorization?  

"Why are you opening the book?! 

"Please, I could use your help moving the furniture around. Really, I have been wanting to see what that is growing out from under that base board by the patio door for a month or so now. It started growing there just a few days after the genetics experiments. 

Gee, I wonder if what we’ll find in these couch cushions, hmm? Let's vacuum! Come on, Honey. Put the book down and help me plan an Indian unit study. How about starting with a nice authentic Indian meal. We can use that dahl or we could make some nice Paneer Pakora. Let’s include some Indian map work complete with climate, political, and economic map studies. Do you know of any Indian philosophers? How about poetry? Art? Games??? Honey, PUT...THE BOOK...DOWN."

“We still have the completed dioramas of the Mayan temple or the Roman Gladiator scene.  I'm sure I could find them in the basement...boy, those were nice!  

"Hey, let’s go and get some ice cream, huh? 

"Remember those nerve pills, the ones the doctor prescribed after that time the kids decided that they all wanted to learn different percussion instruments. I still have those in the bathroom, can I get you one? I’m pretty sure there's one under the floss on the top shelf. Actually, hey, here’s the other homeschool helping book you started, here, under the table…it’s got some of that homemade playdough stuff on it...  Anyway, remember deciding to stop reading this book, Honey?  I remember you getting that look in your eyes; in fact, we’re still paying for that weekend getaway you needed… Hey, did the kids ever read any of these books over here? Nevermind, that’s not important now. Can I get you some tea?

"Look, Sweetie, the kids are here, wanting to play some multiplication game with a deck of cards. Maybe you'd prefer painting that popsicle stick Yert from yesterday's lesson. We could run down to the nursing home and sing some folk songs...I think I have that new Slovenian Folk Music book here somewhere. Look what I found! It's the puppet stage the kids love so much. Honey, let's take turns singing songs from 'Phantom of the Opera'; the kids know every word! Sing with us Honey.

"Honey. Honey, are you laughing? What are you laughing about? 

 ...Can I read it next? "