Saturday, February 15, 2014

Sexuality: She Left Beauty Whereever She Went

I am still Homeschool Atheist Momma!
no shame teaching healthy sexuality for our children  Atheist parenting, sexuality and teens secular parenting humanist homeschool blog raising atheist skeptical freethinking humanist parenting atheist parenting
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Art courtesy of Rob's Friend
Guilt drives behavior.
Did you ever think about that?
The harder you try to stop a thing, the more shameful that behavior is drawn to be, the stronger the desire for that thing becomes, the cave-in happens, guilt happens, the cycle starts all over again.

I seriously dislike guilt. Especially with regards to completely human urges like sexuality and I've been wanting to write about it. I am speaking as an atheist parent, not to say that I speak for all atheist people. I am speaking as a person who has thought about this so very much. I am talking about how to raise children who have healthy sexual messages in their lives and who  are able to move into relationships with a sense of power and respect and love.

FIRST, we, as adults, need to be aware of our own sexual hang ups and strive to work them out. Sexuality for all humans, regardless of age, is a biological norm. For the most part it is our culture and the unhealthy messages that we inherit that make sexuality so messed up. 

I am writing about an issue that was a huge problem for me growing up and moving into relationships with other adults. I had so much to work through. Issues with porn, female roles, what is dirty, that virgin/whore duality, healthy sexuality, sexual identity, gender questions...and so much more, all stuff that I inherited from my parent. It took me quite some time to work through it. Geesh. After years of introspection, conversation, more introspection, research, one happy day I realized that I was mostly over all of those bunging up things! 

What happens with sexuality and family values is that your children absorb or sense your feelings about these things naturally. Your values and stuff move from you to them almost without your knowledge. Don't expect a moment or a point when you have The Talk because your kids are looking and seeing all of the time. 

While thinking about what I wanted to say here I found this website with some great guidelines and suggestions. I love how normal and natural sexuality is treated on this website. Yay Aussies!

We have very open discussions in this house. I have gone to great lengths to be a person who my children could feel comfortable and safe in approaching with such intimate questions. I am so grateful to have made a deliberate effort to get the messed up stuff out of my own head so that I wouldn't transmit my own issues to them because we have talked about some THANGS. And it has been wonderful and I feel very proud of them.

And so, my one and only suggestion beyond the above website from RaisingChildren.net.au is to purposefully explore your own internal messages, beliefs, and fears about sex. Explore their roots and how to let go of them. It is through being the best parent, the best person that we can be that we can raise kids who can form mature and loving views on sexuality.  

One other quick issue:  our culture in the States is highly highly sexualized. Help your children to see how unfortunate it is for a young person to buy into the shallow and cheap stereotypes put out there.

You will find moments throughout every day of living when you can talk about sexual roles, sexual identity, media, sexual feelings with your children as they move from infancy through the teen years. 

Won't it be lovely to have children who feel comfortable in their own skin?


What do you think?
Have healthy sexuality messages been easy for you as a parent?

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If you enjoyed this post you might also like: 
Sex, God, and Shame

Also read:  Are You Happy?
Another post you may enjoy:  My Parenting Manifesto
Or this one:  Being Vulnerable

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