Part 5 of 5: Prospective Homeschool Parents: SOCIALIZATION

 

Welcome to this last 

in a five part series of blogs 

specifically for
the prospective homeschool parent.

Are you online this evening surfing and surfing and surfing for information on homeschooling and fretting about it? Is there a possibility that you are considering homeschooling your children and would love to read some advice from seasoned homeschooling parents? 

If so, STOP the presses. Put down the surf board and RELAX.  You have found what you are looking for.

This is going to simplify things for you a bit. I have a large group of friends who homeschool. Between us we have over 100 years of experience homeschooling! In order to gather information for you, I asked each of them all to fill out a survey of sorts, looking for wisdom to share with prospective homeschooling parents. In this series I have shared much of the wisdom of these moms.

This post is about SOCIALIZATION.

For some reason this myth of homeschooling still pervades the internet and the fears of families considering homeschooling in spite of the many research studies and supportive propaganda.  Although I have done many posts on this subject, I will let the homeschool moms share their wisdom with you:

Darlene suggests that socialization in public schools is what should really be questioned:

Socialization is the process of learning to be a functioning member of society.
It is specifically not taught in schools.
It is easy to model when a child is exposed to the larger world.

Cathy, long time homeschooler, is uniquely qualified to calm your socialization fears:
Socialization was great, as the kids found themselves with many different ages and sorts of people, all the time, and learned to be strong and yet to get along. Socializing was also fantastic, ranging from Girl Scouts and dance classes with neighborhood kids to hanging out a ton with somewhat far-flung homeschoolers in our wonderful support group!

Rebecca has this lovely story to tell about socialization with her daughter:
My children are very good socially, talk to people of any age very confidently, and they are not ageist at all. My 8 year old invited an elderly neighbor he talks to over the wall, who I hadn't really met, to his birthday party - and he and his wife came, and are really nice! They get on with other children, teenagers and adults with no problems at all. They talk to people in shops, on the beach, wherever we go. The last thing that concerns me is "socialization".

Korin, confident homeschooling mom, states:
The socialization thing is not a real issue, that is a made up problem to frighten people who want to go outside the norm. One of the postives I do see from HSing is that my kids are NOT exposed to the type of dysfunctional socialization that goes on in any brick and mortar school.

And Angie says:
Socialization?  It's a myth. If you want your kids to become 'socialized,' then you don't keep them secluded at every opportunity. I've known traditional schooled kids that never took a trip to the grocery store or the post office with their parents. Believe me, they were Un-socialized! Interact with your children and find meet ups in the area. You'd be surprised how many like-minded people you'll find just by reaching out even slightly.

I have about a dozen other replies to this question, but most of them sound like this:
Socialization?  Sure, I let them out of their shackles every now and then.



ADDENDUM after Sophelia's comment below:

My 15-year old daughter, a homeschooler for 10 years has this to say about socialization:
It is possible to have good socialization, but it's hard. You have to figure out what you like and follow through with it. To meet people, I have had to be very deliberate, and do the hard things. 
It's not easy because I'm kind of shy. But kids are interested in hearing about homeschooling and that starts up some good conversations.

It's difficult here in Australia because there are few people my age. The friends that I do have here are always busy with school, work, and boyfriends.

Back home I don't have that problem because most of my friends homeschool and it's easier to get together with them and go places.  We are a close group back home. In a good week, I hang out with friends several times a week  Our parents encourage our time together.

What I find the hardest is getting the courage to talk to people. My parents often help me get started with friendships, but it can be difficult meeting new people who are open to friendships because they already have lots of friends and aren't open to adding new friends.

I have figured out that what you can't say to new people is "I don't have many friends here in Australia" and the people I say this to treat me oddly when I say that. But I've been here for several months and maybe I have scared them away by saying that.
I can honestly say that here, in Australia, I don't see friends often enough. I appreciate it when Mom works hard to schedule get-togethers with me, I'm a bit shy in setting days up by myself... 

 
Having close friendships is vital to most human beings, and doubly so for kids. Schooling children come with a ready-made pool of children to choose from, it's true. But that doesn't mean that all will be ducky; for example I had a very lonely childhood in my school.  But that advantage of a pool of children doesn't come ready-made for homeschooling families. I have put a great deal of effort into our entire homeschool experience, including friendships. I guess the caring parent will do everything they can to create friendships for their children.

I have to say that time with friends is a thing that we work hard on, create deliberately, and give lots of focus to. Our circumstances are quite different from most families, but it can be said that each family is unique unto themselves. Friendships will be easy for some to create and difficult for others. No one can tell you today what things will look like for you tomorrow. John has been trying to build a friendship with S, a school kid down here who lives just a house or two away. Although S is often home, he is not open to a friendship with my son. In fact, just this afternoon John told me that he is going to stop trying. I am mentioning this because being a homeschooler or not does not have as much to do with friendships as personality does in many cases. In this case, S is being pressured by people around him to NOT be friends with John...

Once a family begins homeschooling and finding the homeschooling community in their area, they are often pleasantly surprised with the many resources out there for homeschool families. Homeschool groups and co ops, frequent play dates, hobby groups, scouts, sports, neighbor kids, etc. can be good places to start. Your imagination is your only limitation!


As for a specific response to Sophelia, it is always possible to find people who are not educating their children in the healthiest way, who are not raising their children in the best possible way, who are living so outside-of-the-box that their children do not experience child-centered childhoods. That goes for homeschoolers and schoolers of all kinds. I am sincerely sorry when I meet people who were not given the best resources possible. It's not fair. Do we blame Sophelia's parents for Sophelia feeling so ill-prepared for life? We could, surely. But, rather, let's learn from her.

Let's recognize that raising children is a full-time job whether they are in school or not. Good things happen and bad things happen to children regardless of their learning options. Sophelia sincerely wishes for children to be raised in loving and protecting homes that offer dynamic opportunities for moving through the world. And don't we all.

Thank you, Sophelia, for asking me to make this post be more meaningful. You are absolutely right that I didn't put much thought into the post at all. And for something so important?! My sincere apologies. I'm glad you called me on it

Homeschoolers DO get tired of the socialization questions. But that doesn't mean they don't take it seriously. We do!  Even more specifically, Sophelia's comment about having been poorly-socialized, "I felt this way, and many of my homeschooled peers also went through periods of great depression when they began attending university and couldn’t cope socially" is very important for us to hear and to hear again. A couple of readers of this blog, themselves homeschool alum, often write on their about their on-going difficulties in life that seem to be a result of not having had enough time with similarly-aged friends growing up.

We, as parents, are trying our best. We do what we do in order to make good lives for our children. So, feedback from others in our shoes is absolutely essential for our improvement. Is it awful for me to use your cautionary tales as a lesson for myself? I hope not because I am doing that.  

I have spent many hours discussing friendships with my daughter and son. (Many of the above homeschooling moms do not have children who are teens as mine are.) It is my hope, my desire, that all parents work hard at having good, close relationships with their children so that they can frequently assess the needs of their children and teens...and so they can respond to those needs.

And, as for socialization, with sincere effort, it really can be wonderful being a homeschooler!

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If you enjoyed this post you might also like:
Twelve Homeschool Myths Busted By Homeschoolers
Prospective Homeschool Parents:  Part 1 of 5 

Homeschool and Socialization 

SAQ - Seldom Asked Questions About Homeschooling

I will be hostessing the upcoming Carnival of Homeschooling on April 2nd.
PLEASE, to my readers and blogger friends, submit some great reading material for this homeschool carnival!
You can send it to me directly at:  karen.loethen Ampersand gmail.com