Sunday, May 11, 2014

Lessons I Have Learned as a Mother

I am still Homeschool Atheist Momma!
Secular homeschool am I am atheist I don’t believe in God doubting god and religion Atheist parenting secular parenting freethinking parenting homeschool secular challenging children

Yeah, so maybe I've mentioned it, but I come from a pretty unhealthy and unhappy place. I know, many of us do. I don't really think of those days much because, well, life is great!  

Back in the day, I had such weird issues with so many things. The messages in my head came from some damaged and wounded people, so I have found my way to forgive them and to move forward and still love them. I can't say that I see these people much...because sometimes it is healthier to remove yourself from people and places that know...the T word. *

Me in the Not-So -Good Old Days, 1980
After some other plans changed on me today, I found myself with an afternoon of no plans. I was in a different part of the city, enjoying some shopping, and I was sans kids. I decided to visit one of my dad's oldest and bestest friends. I am going to call him Razor and I'm going to call his awesome wife Rabbit (for odd and lovely reasons).

I dropped in on Razor and Rabbit this afternoon. It was a cold rain we were having and I decided to make a detour to visit them; I hadn't seen them in at least two years. They welcomed me in with HUGE hugs and tears of happy. 
And a welcome cuppa.

My brother, sister (Brenda),
and that's me on the right, 1967
After telling my Brisbane stories, we spent alot of time talking about the past (as you do). The funny thing about my past, I have moved so far beyond it that I seldom spend any time thinking about it, letting it hurt me, remembering painful words, deeds, issues. Razor and Rabbit were very loving and kind.
But today, I was in tears.

I found myself explaining things to Razor and Rabbit, learning things from them I didn't know, and generally reliving the sad, sad years from way back. 

I had quite an emotional afternoon.
The first one of its kind that I have had in years.

Peace, Love, and Goodness
A few hours later, now back home with my family, I was making dinner, watching John out the back window playing with his best friend, and listening to Elizabeth telling me an extremely important and happy story. And when my husband walked into the kitchen and started talking, I felt wrapped in peace, love, and goodness.

And I'm reminding myself and you this evening:  all of those things in the past:  keep them there. Don't let them ruin one more hour of your life. Don't let the toxicity move from you to your children. Stop that crap in THIS generation. Do whatever it takes to get past them. For me it was years of really good therapy, years of journaling, and a firm determination to be authentic and honest. 

And it worked!  I'm here and I'm happy.
And, best of all, I know that I am not passing that stuff on to my own children, 
or their children...

*  Toxic. 


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